Author’s note and warnings: The rest of the story will pretty much be set in the present and the past will be revealed gradually in dream sequences, flashbacks and storytelling.
Cyber hugs and pocky to all the reviewers…Arigatou!
Shinigami, I wish you left e-mail address where I can answer your question without having to put it here…but Chichiri DID give himself a scar in this story. It really didn’t matter how he got the scar in his previous lives…in this particular life (his 8th by the way, after the FY storyline), he gave it to himself so that he would always remember what he had done to Tasuki. **Sniffles** Thank you for following the story so faithfully!
Some lemon in this chapter, lots of Chichiri torturing (gomen) **sniffles** and of course some sappiness.
Disclaimer: The usual blah…blah…blah…
REDEMPTION – Telling You
By Moonraven
***Present Day – Los Angeles***
Three a.m. Chichiri checked the clock for millionth times. Last check: one minute ago. This was usually the time that Tasuki got home on the weekends. Chichiri sighed. Tasuki’s activities were getting worst. It was as if the younger man was getting desperate and needed to prove something. Chichiri had tried talking to him, but Tasuki would tell him that nothing was wrong and for him to ‘chill’. Chichiri sighed again. He dreaded the moment Tasuki came home for he knew that the younger man would probably have company. Chichiri felt a part of him died every time Tasuki took a lover home. His tired spirit had gone through hell these past thousand years but he had never felt such acute pain and heartache as when Tasuki was with someone else.
The sound of the front door closing brought Chichiri out of his reveries. Tasuki’s back. Chichiri braced himself for sounds that would begin his torment. None came. Curious, he went out of his room into the living room. He found Zach on the couch holding an ice pack to his face.
“What happened?” Chichiri came over to the couch and knelt down next to Zach’s feet, looking up at him with concern.
Zach smiled ruefully at his roommate. “Some guy can’t take no for an answer.”
Chichiri gasped. “Are you alright?” He removed the icepack to get a better look at the injury. One side of his friend’s face was covered with an angry red bruise that would most likely turn black and blue in a few hours. Chichiri looked over Tasuki quickly but found no other injuries.
“Don’t fuss, Chiri. I’m fine.” Zach said tiredly. “You should have seen the other guy. No one will recognize him for days.” He turned his gaze to Chichiri who was only inches away, frowning at the bruise and touching it tentatively. Chichiri looked really good. He smelled real good too. Hm…so close…so beautiful…
Zach reached out and gently traced the scar on Chichiri’s face. The older man didn’t pull away though surprise was clearly written in his eye. Chichiri’s lips parted slightly as he drew in a sharp breath, eye never leaving the fiery amber pools of Tasuki’s. Chichiri’s heart pounded in his chest as he drowned in those eyes. Gods, how he missed his Tasuki. In their tender moments, the bandit used to trace and kiss Chichiri’s scar, whispering loving words to the monk as they lay in each other’s arms. Wrapped in his memories, Chichiri leaned into the touch and closed his eye. This IS Tasuki even if the bandit doesn’t remember.
Chichiri’s eye few open in shock as Zach’s lips were pressed firmly on his and the younger man’s tongue swiped enticingly at his lips, urging them to open. Every nerve in his body seemed to burst with sudden aching joy at the touch as if they too were waiting all these years for this moment. His chest constricted painfully at the memories of their lovemaking and he moaned against Tasuki’s insistent lips. Finally, unable to deny the rising tide of his passion, Chichiri allowed Tasuki to deepen the kiss. He returned every caress that Tasuki’s tongue gave him and he ventured forth in his turn. It had been so long since he had last allowed anyone to get this close. A thousand years long.
Zach couldn’t believe his luck. He had wanted to do this since he first set eyes on this man and here he was, locking lips with the star of his hottest wet dreams. It felt so…familiar, so right. Everything about this man was right; Chichiri was perfect. What was happening to him? Why couldn’t he follow any rule he made when it came to Chichiri? Zach groaned his protest as Chichiri broke reluctantly away.
“No, Tasuki, you’re drunk.” Chichiri said, voice shaking slightly.
“Yeah?” Zach reached for the older man again. “If I’m drunk, how come YOU call me Tasuki.” He pulled Chichiri up against him, breathing in the intoxicating scent of his roommate.
Chichiri froze. “I…did not.” He denied half-heartedly. Did he really?
Chichiri tried to disengage himself from the younger man but Tasuki held on tight.
“What are you afraid of, Chiri?” Zach asked, coming off the sofa to kneel next to Chichiri.
“I’m not afraid.” Chichiri barely managed to say.
“No?” Zach caressed the older man’s cheek gently. “Then why are you trembling?”
“I’m not.” Chichiri denied though his voice was far from steady.
Zach moved closer, straddling Chichiri, his arousal brushing the former monk’s. Chichiri moaned involuntarily.
“I’ve wanted you for a long time now, Chiri and I know you feel the same way. I’ve fought it. God knows I did. I’ve tried to follow the rules I set up.” Zach buried his face in Chichiri’s neck. “But you made me feel things I have never felt before. You made me want things I’ve never wanted.” Zach ground his hips forward, rubbing their trapped arousals together. Chichiri’s head fell back as he let out another low moan. “I wanna make you feel so good, Chiri. Why won’t you let go?”
Yes, why? Chichiri wondered silently. Why not give in to desires and let Zach show him how wonderful lovemaking was. It would amount to the same thing, surely? This WAS Tasuki… He could finally make love to Tasuki again.
“Tasuki…” Chichiri whispered. Zach frowned. That was always the problem, the dead lover.
“Tasuki is dead, I’m not.” Zach nuzzled Chichiri’s neck, licking the smooth column. Zach was suddenly struck with the feeling that he had done this numerous times before with Chichiri. He knew what to do to get the most erotic noises from his friend. Going with the feeling, Zach continued his assault on Chichiri’s neck and ear. “I want you…bad.” He whispered and swiped his tongue along the outer shell of the older man’s ear, then dipped inside, eliciting a sharp gasp from Chichiri. “I need you.” Zach breathed and suckled on the trembling man’s earlobe.
Chichiri groaned loudly and thrust his hips up into Tasuki’s. Tears of frustration threatened to fall as he fought for self-control. He wanted this so badly. It had been so long. But he couldn’t; Tasuki hadn’t forgiven him, he couldn’t let this happen. Tasuki’s soul had refused him, he couldn’t take Tasuki’s body, it wouldn’t be right.
With a heart-wrenching wail, Chichiri pushed Zach off him and scrambled to his feet, panting hard. Chichiri backed slowly away from Zach, tears falling down his face.
“You don’t know what you’re asking of me.” Chichiri nearly sobbed. “I can’t!” He gave Zach a last despairing look before bolting from the room.
Zach sighed and banged his head repeatedly on the sofa cushions. He blew it big time.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Sleep eluded Zach that night. All he could think of was his ultra-hot roommate panting beneath him, moaning in ecstasy. Zach couldn’t get Chichiri’s taste and feel out of his mind and his arousal throbbed furiously. With a frustrated growl, Zach got out of bed and went out onto the balcony. It was cool but his over-heated skin didn’t feel it. All he could feel was Chichiri’s hard body pressed up against him, writhing in needs. Zach groaned out loud and ran his hand down his bare chest. His sensitized skin flared as he rubbed against it. One hand held firmly to the rails, Zach’s other hand reached inside the waistband of his shorts and wrapped itself around his dripping erection. Zach threw back his head and gasped at the sheer pleasure pulsing between his fingers as he continued to fantasize about Chichiri. Visions came unbidden to Zach and he lost himself to pure pleasure as he slipped into the fantasy.
~~*~~*~~ (Zach’s hentai fantasy…er…flashback…)
Hot moist heat engulfed his aching flesh as hands gently kneaded his sacs. Zach felt weak and he leaned heavily on the wall behind him as the man kneeling between his legs did wonderful things to his senses. Tongue gently lapped the moisture pooling at the tip of his drenched shaft, hands pushing his legs further apart as a cool finger traced a line below his sacs to the opening, gently pressing and teasing.
Zach moaned and thrust into the incredible heat of the blue-haired man’s mouth. He had no idea who the man was or why he was in Zach’s fantasy about Chichiri but at the moment, he couldn’t careless.
The blue-haired man lifted Zach’s leg over his shoulder, giving the man better access to the small puckered opening that was begging for attention. Zach felt something cool rubbing at his entrance before the slick digit slipped into the heat of his body. It felt good. It felt real good. He needed more, wanted more. He wanted Chichiri.
“Mm…Chiri…more…” Zach heard himself mumbled as he pumped himself up and down on the man’s finger. Where was Chichiri?
Zach heard a muffled laughed and felt the vibration shuddering along his shaft. “FUCK!”
“Soon, koi, soon.” The blue-haired man released Zach long enough to utter those words then the younger man found himself engulfed again. Zach moaned deep in his throat as the second finger joined the first in tormenting him.
“Fuck it, Chiri! You’re doing this on purpose. I need you to fuck me now!” Zach growled at the blue-haired man.
Wait a minute, Zach thought to himself. Why was he addressing that man as if the man was Chiri? And why was he begging to be fucked? To be taken? He had never been bottom before in his entire life? What was going on?
Zach opened his eyes to see deep mahogany one staring lovingly at him. He gasped as he saw that the blue-haired man was…Chichiri. What the fuck…?
“You’re so impatient koi… so kawaii.” Chichiri whispered huskily before devouring the younger man’s lips in a demanding kiss. Damn! Chiri was so hot when he took charge like that!
~~*~~*~~
Zach snapped out of his fantasies and cursed loudly. He looked around the balcony and wondered what it was that had interrupted what promised to be one of his best dreams yet. Then he heard it; cries and moans coming from…Chichiri’s room.
Zach released himself abruptly and glanced guiltily towards the sound. The balcony door to Chichiri’s room was opened but the man himself was nowhere to be seen. Zach tiptoed cautiously to the door and peered inside. Chichiri’s drapes were not drawn and the bright city lights poured into his room, illuminating the interior.
Zach gaped. Chichiri was tossing and turning on the bed, shirtless and what blanket he was using had since left him to be tangled at the foot of the bed. Zach’s erection twitched painfully at the erotic sight before him. Chichiri’s strong, lithe body writhing in ecstasy, hips bucking up to meet his dream lover as moans of pleasure escaped his parted lips. Zach could see Chichiri’s arousal outlined against the man’s pajama pants as he continued to thrust into the air, doubling the intensity of Zach’s own aching needs.
“Tasuki…” Chichiri moaned, thrashing his head from side to side. “Ahh…Suzaku…yes!”
Zach felt a pang of jealousy when he heard Tasuki’s name. When will Chichiri let him go? When will Chichiri realized that Zach was in love with him?
Whoa! Back up a minute! In love? ‘I don’t do love.’ Zach protested silently. ‘Do…I?’
As much as he hated to admit it, he WAS in love with Chichiri. In the short time that he had known the older man, Chichiri had shown him what it was to love someone unconditionally. Without failed, Chichiri had demonstrated that there could be love without physical gratification, without material comfort, without wanting anything in return. It was Chichiri’s constant love and undying devotion to Tasuki that had opened Zach’s heart and allowed the tender feelings to develop for the older man. Even in death, Chichiri would not betray his lover; he remained adamantly true to Tasuki in heart, body and mind.
Zach used to think that Chichiri was asexual at one point but realized that it was rather by choice and not by nature. It happened a few nights after Chichiri moved in. Zach couldn’t sleep and went to the kitchen for a glass of water. When he passed Chichiri’s door, he heard the man moaning and crying out his lover’s name. It was as if Chichiri had cried out HIS name, Zach was hard immediately. The exquisite sound Chichiri made went straight to his cock and he pleasured himself right there in front of his roommate’s door. It was the first of many dreams Chichiri had. Many of those, however, started out erotic but soon turn into something heartbreaking for the older man would end up screaming in his sleep.
Zach had never seen Chichiri during one of these dreams before. It was all he could do to keep from jumping on the bed and allow those hips to thrust harden flesh into him. Whimpers of pain brought Zach back to reality as the ethereal beauty in front of him began thrashing in desperation. Chichiri’s face was no longer filled with pleasure but contorted with pain. His moans were now filled with sorrow and heartache.
“NO! No…Tasuki…no!” Chichiri screamed, tears streamed from his eye as he continued to plead with his lover. “Tasuki…please forgive me!” Chichiri reached out with one hand to his unseen lover. “Wo ai ni, Tasuki, wo ai ni.”
Zach did not understand that last bit but the sound of it pierced deep into his heart. He felt a warm glow in the pit of his stomach and it continued to grow until his whole body was infused with this incredible warm fluttery feeling. For some unknown reason, he wanted to do the Snoopy dance.
“Tasuki!” Chichiri’s cry shattered that wonderful feeling and Zach rushed to the side of his friend’s bed. He turned on the reading lamp on the nightstand and leaned over the other man. Chichiri was covered in sweat making his lean torso gleamed in the lighted room. Zach swallowed a lump in his throat at the sight of the totally hot man in front of him and did his best to will his erection away.
Zach reached over to his thrashing friend and shook him gently. “Chiri, wake up. Chiri!” The feel of Chichiri’s skin sent jolts of electrifying sensation throughout his body. “What the fuck…?”
His roommate continued to whimper in his sleep. Zach shook harder and call out louder. “Chichiri! Wake up. Damn it, it’s only a dream, wake up!” He leaned closer and tapped Chichiri’s cheeks gently.
Chichiri stopped thrashing, his one eye snapped open and he stared confusedly into Zach’s golden eyes. Chichiri blinked a few times as he tried to focus. Then a beautiful smile broke across his face.
“Tasuki!” Chichiri exclaimed and pulled the stunned Zach on top of him. “Tasuki…” He breathed as his lips covered the stupefied younger man.
Zach let out a startled yelp as he was pulled on top of his friend. Soft lips covered his and urgent tongue slipped into his mouth, taking and plundering hungrily. Chichiri’s hands held Zach tightly as they pressed the two bodies closer together. Zach sighed and opened his mouth wider, returning the kiss for all he was worth.
Chichiri rolled them over and straddled the younger man, mouth trailing along Zach’s jaw line and neck. “I’ve waited so long, Tasuki. So long.” He murmured into the other man’s neck as he continued to grind his erection onto Zach’s.
Zach moaned and thrust up into that exquisite pressure. This is what he had wanted the moment he saw Chichiri. Surely it didn’t matter that Chichiri thought he was Tasuki?
The old Zach might not care but Chichiri had given him conscience if nothing else.
“Zach.” He said reluctantly. “I’m Zach, Chiri, not Tasuki.”
He cursed himself as he said it for Chichiri froze instantly. The older man pushed himself up and stared down at Zach in horror. Chichiri cried out in alarm as he scrambled off the younger man. In a blink of an eye, Chichiri was standing at the foot of the bed, trembling. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He mumbled in remorse over and over again.
Zach sighed and propped himself up on his elbows watching Chichiri through hooded eyes. “Why are you sorry. I’M not.” Zach told his friend in a voice still hoarse with desire.
“Chiri. I’m not going to rape you, you can stop looking like I’m an ogre or something.” Zach pushed himself into a sitting position and folded his legs in front of him. He patted the bed and beckoned his friend over. Chichiri remained frozen where he was though his trembling had ceased somewhat.
Zach rolled his eyes and sighed again in exasperation. “I’m not going to touch you. Just come and sit.”
Chichiri came around to the side of the bed hesitantly, his eye downcast. He sat at the edge as far from Zach as possible.
“What…how…I mean…why are you here?” Chichiri asked, his voice not quite steady. His eye fixed firmly on the carpet.
“You were yelling in your sleep and I came in to wake ya. Then ya sorta grabbed me…” Chichiri choked back a cry. “I ain’t complaining, Chiri, don’t look so shocked.” Zach reassured him hurriedly. “I kinda like it.” He added sheepishly.
Chichiri blushed and looked away. “I…did I say anything?”
Zach studied his friend for a moment before replying. “Yeah, you kept calling for Tasuki and asking him to forgive you. Then you said something I didn’t understand. It was in another language, I think.” Zach scrunched his face trying to recall the words. “Whoa eye knee or something like that.”
Tears stung the back of Chichiri’s eye. When will he find peace? When will all this end? Maybe it was his lot to simply fade away from this universe…never to exist again. Surely he wasn’t meant to be forgiven?
“I want to understand, Chiri. I want to help you.” He reached out a hand to gently rest on Chichiri’s shoulder. “Tell me about Tasuki.” Zach said quietly.
Chichiri looked up from the carpet to his friend. Zach removed his hand and leaned back against the headboard, giving the other man space. “Please?’ Zach added.
Chichiri wrung his hands in his lap and stared at them fixedly.
“What can I say about Tasuki that would do him justice?” Chichiri wondered out loud. He looked at Zach and gave him a small smile before turning his attention back to his hands. “Tasuki was everything good and pure.” Chichiri began softly. “He was the center of my universe. He was always full of life and love and plenty of laughter. He could make me laugh…me…I had thought that I would never laugh again.” Chichiri smiled weakly at the memories. “He took life head on. He would tackle any obstacle without a second thought. As you can imagine, that can’t always be a good thing.” Chichiri winced at some memories and gave Zach a wan smile. “When you’re with Tasuki anything was possible…everything was…great…even when it wasn’t. I knew that together we could make anything great.” Chichiri had a faraway look as he recalled his past. “Tasuki was such a bright living force that could banish any darkness from my soul. He saved me from my self-imposed prison…he gave me my life back…he gave me love when I didn’t deserve any…Tasuki was everything. Everything…Tasuki was my very soul…” Chichiri’s voice trailed away and he stopped and stared down at his hands again.
“What happened?” Zach prompted softly.
“Years of self-doubts and self-incrimination happened.” Chichiri looked disgusted with himself. “I just couldn’t believe that I was worth more to Tasuki than…other things. You see we were very different. Tasuki and I are polars apart. Where he was vibrant and boisterous, I tend to be more reserve. I didn’t think I could make him happy. I couldn’t imagine that he would want to spend his life let alone an eternity with someone so…well…so blah.” Chichiri paused and shook his head. “I was sure that had he stayed with me, I would…corrupt him somehow. I would put out the flames that made Tasuki unique…I would change him. I didn’t have enough faith in him…in us.”
Chichiri turned abruptly and face Zach. His voice shook as he continued. “We pledged our love and I promised to be his forever but I left him. I disappeared one night and I…I just left him…” Tears trailed down both sides of his cheeks. “I went back but it was too late. I took too long and Tasuki just…Tasuki just stop living. They said he gave up everything…even life. Because of me…” Chichiri couldn’t talk anymore. It was too painful for him even after all this time. That was the effect of binding your soul to someone; you never forget a single feeling.
Zach gently pulled the sobbing man into his arms, whispering soothing words into the other man’s ears. They stayed like that for sometime until Chichiri’s sobs had subsided. Zach felt torn between the elation of holding this incredible man and the sadness of knowing that Chichiri would never be his.
“I’m so tired.” Chichiri mumbled into Zach’s neck. “I can’t do this anymore.” Chichiri’s voice was so low that Zach had to strain to hear it and his heart skipped a beat fearfully at the resignation in Chichiri’s tone.
“Hey.” He hugged Chichiri to his chest. “I’m here. Let me help you, Chiri.” He rubbed the older man’s back reassuringly. “You don’t have to deal with this alone.”
“Always alone…” Chichiri whispered sadly. “So long…so alone…” He unconsciously snuggled into Zach’s side.
“No more, Chiri. I’m here. I’ll never leave you.” Zach whispered softly but surely. He didn’t know where that came from but it was what his heart told him to be the right thing to say. And he meant every word of it. Zach tipped Chichiri’s chin up, wanting to look into the other man’s eye. He gazed tenderly into the lonely mahogany pool and knew that he would spend the rest of his life, if need be, to make Chichiri happy.
“Tasuki.” Chichiri whispered longingly. His hand came up to caress the former bandit’s cheek then he sighed resignedly and shook his head weakly.
“I don’t have much time left, Tasuki. Please forgive me. Please go back to being the loving and sincere person you once were.” Chichiri pleaded as he continued to caress the younger man. “The greatest gift you have given me was your love. Don’t ever lose the ability to love, Tasuki-chan. It had saved my life.” Chichiri finished weakly as he fought back tears.
Zach didn’t know how to respond to all that. Was Chichiri hallucinating? Why was he talking to Zach as if Zach was Tasuki? What could he do? What should he say to Chichiri? Why didn’t he have any answers that would help his friend? Zach kicked himself mentally for taking economics instead of psychology.
What his brain couldn’t supply, his heart did.
“Shh…Chiri. Don’t talk like that. Of course I forgive you. We’re going to be together forever, Chiri. I promise.” He kissed the upturned lips gently.
Chichiri sighed into the kiss. Tasuki would have kept his promise. It was Chichiri who had failed his lover.
“Forever.” Chichiri said weakly. “I promised you forever but I failed.”
“No Chiri you didn’t fail. You had shown a heartless jerk like me how to love. You succeeded in doing something I had never thought can be done.” Zach said, his voice thick with emotion. “I LOVE YOU.” Zach said simply and covered the surprised man with his lips. Zach put everything he felt into that kiss, all of his love, his longing and his dedication for Chichiri. He wanted to tell Chichiri how much the other man meant to him.
Chichiri gasped in surprised at the declaration and Zach gently slid his tongue in, caressing, soothing, loving. Soon the gentle kiss changed to a more urgent one. Soft caresses became desperate and hands roamed bare heated skin.
Chichiri moaned as Tasuki rolled them over and pressed his renewed arousal onto the older man beneath him. Tasuki loved him, he thought joyfully before he realized that it really wasn’t Tasuki…yet. Zach may love him but Tasuki had not forgiven him, not really. There was only one thing left to do and Chichiri was afraid to do it.
He could give Tasuki back his memories.
Chichiri still had all his powers and over the years had acquired new ones. He could settle this once and for all. He had completed one task he set out to do and that was to return love to Tasuki. Surely now he could rest? His soul was so tired. His soul mate still hadn’t acknowledged him and at this rate, it really didn’t matter if Tasuki won’t forgive him. His soul would be lost either way.
But if Tasuki DID, by some miracle, forgive him, then his soul would be renewed and they would be united once again.
Chichiri pushed Zach away reluctantly and held the younger man’s face gently between his hands.
“Tasuki-chan.” He said, softly rubbing his thumb over Tasuki’s kiss-swollen lips. “You have to remember in order to forgive, no da.” He gazed steadily into the golden orbs. “Remember me, na no da.”
Zach couldn’t move. Every nerve in his body felt numb and his heart thumped radically in his chest in a sudden rush of panic. Chichiri held his gaze and in an explosion of bright red light, Zach’s mind was bombarded with images after images. His chest constricted and expanded painfully as feelings and sensations flooded his being. A vortex of colors, sights and sounds engulfed him, threatening to drown him and Zach struggled futilely against his invisible adversary.
Chichiri and a small purple hair man…Nuriko…eating at a table…
Miaka…Tama…Hotohori…Mits…Chiriko…
Chichiri’s face with his gravity defying blue bangs smiled radiantly at him. “I love you, Tasuki. Forever, na no da…”
Chichiri sending chi blast to destroy the demon they were fighting…
A very naked Chichiri driving deep into him and punctuating every thrust with his declaration of love…
Kouji telling him that Chichiri had left him behind…
Him on his knees, crying heartbrokenly, as he clutched one of Chichiri’s shirts to his chest…
With an agonizing scream, Zach succumbed to the darkness that surrounded him, relieved to escape the pain of his memories. The memories that the man he had loved more than life itself had deserted him.
TBC…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ )O(
Well? How did you like this chapter? Poor Chiri! It’s getting there, folks…next chapter is really the last…really! WHEW! <wiping sweats from forehead> Then I can really concentrate on ‘Unfinished Business’
Arigatou, no da, for being such great supporters! Next chapter is for all of you, no da….
Last Chapter: I Promise You