Here is my story, but to give it a beginning here is some history that led to my eventual pregnancy.

 After 3 years of infertility problems and the eventual discovery that I had Phase III endometriosis, I required two laparoscopy's (the first to determine the problem, the second to remove the endometriosis).

 

It was followed with numerous tests on my husband that showed that he was a contributing factor to the infertility problem (his problem was correctable with proper nutrition and vitamins - so that wasn't my major concern).

After recovering from surgery to remove my endometriosis I was put on Serophene (Clomid) and hoped for the best. Here follows my story of my pregnancy...

 

February 9, 1999
Positive Home Pregnancy Test

February 11, 1999
Confirmation of Pregnancy by Doctor

February 16, 1999
Started Progesterone supplements as my progesterone levels dropped suddenly and significantly. They made me very nauseous and tired. February 22, 1999
First Ultrasound, first visual of babies heartbeat.

May 5, 1999
Babies Heartbeat is 158 bpm, everything good so far.

May 31, 1999
20 Week Ultrasound, I sensed something was up during the ultrasound when the technician said she could not see a clear picture of the baby.

June 8, 1999
Level II Ultrasound at McMaster Hospital - Confirmed Diagnosis of no amniotic fluid present and left kidney cannot be found.

June 15, 1999
Re-confirmation of no amniotic fluid present and left kidney cannot be found.

July 13, 1999
Third confirmation of absolutely no amniotic fluid, an enlarged heart with fluid around it, and no left kidney is spotted. The right one cannot be seen due to babies position. I decided on this day that I would carry the pregnancy further till they could confirm whether a right kidney existed or not!?!

August 11, 1999
Diabetes Glucose Tolerance Testing. Due to the babies condition my diabetes was left un-checked till this late date and my impending illness. It was so severe they thought of inducing me that day. Shortly after this was diagnosed, I was put on four insulin shots a day and four finger blood tests per day. Thank God I can handle needles really well!

September 2, 1999
Final Ultrasound to confirm the size of the baby and to confirm for one last time the amount of amniotic fluid, and the right kidney. A right kidney this time could not be found, and no amniotic fluid was present.

October 8, 1999
Gabriela Lael Scheben-Samuel was born at 8:10 am and died shortly after her baptism in my arms.

 

Afternote:

On a personal note I want to say that I "never" regretted carrying Gabriela Lael full-term. I was given the choice to terminate the pregnancy at 5 months and decided in the interest of my conscious and faith that I had to continue and put my faith in God and let Him take care of what was to be.

 

How could I be the one to stop the strong heartbeat of my little girl?

 

At each appointment it became apparent that she was a fighter and not going to give up, so how could I as her mother give up on her too? From 5 months onward I relished each kick the she made and each pound that I gained.

 

 

I used to lie in my bed each evening and say prayers for Gabriela Lael, and she used to respond to the prayers by kicking her feet. It seemed as she could feel my love for her and knew that my prayer's were meant for her. The joy I felt in watching her little feet pushing my stomach outwards to let me know she was there. (At this point mind you I thought she was a boy, I honestly thought I was carrying a boy).

 

Her heartbeat was strong right up till the point that I had to actually deliver her. I have never felt her kicks more strongly then I did right before I delivered her, I think she was letting me know that she was still there and fighting.

 

When she was finally born and baptised they put her into my arms and I remember seeing her chain breathing and thinking poor sweet dear how can I let her suffer (she was born unconscious and did not open her eyes or cry) so I just looked at her and whispered "It is OK angel, go in peace to heaven", and she just let go.

 

It was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, but I just knew it was right. The days following have been hard but I have been given the strength to deal with it all and I know that my angel girl is in heaven watching over me. If given the chance to carry an angel, please don't let go of this chance, grab it, enjoy it, and love your little one as long as you can!