This is the second time that I'm writing this...ahem...review of episode 22. It's more like a commentary of something that I haven't even seen yet. I completely freaked out in the last commentary that I wrote. Man, lots of swearing, obscene gestures, strong language. Very R... let me tell you. I've decided to rewrite this summary... simply because I am bored and don't really want to do the crapload of work that I actually have waiting for me in a big stack and instead am going to intelligently bitch about the series finale of Buffy which I have yet to witness.
So, I'm thinkin' that it'd be pretty good for you if you've read the episode 22 spoilers because my references will seem very foreign to you if you've no idea what the hell I'm ranting about. And so the story begins...
Alright, so the episode begins on an ugly note already. Buffy kissing Angel? Always a gag reflex for me at that moment. I don't need the visual, especially since Buffy and Angel have longe-since moved on with their love life interests. That's an interesting point that I was surprised to see the writers bring up.
It's obvious that there's a hustling flock of fans out there who'd love to see Buffy and Spike together (me included, yay!) so it's understandable that the writers don't want to just do what the fans what them to do. It's got to have a plot, right? What the hell kind of plot involves Buffy and Angel kissing in the 'okay-for-a-hit-television-show' book? Let's expand on that, shall we?
Suppose that Buffy and Spike *didn't* have 2 to 3 seasons of love-interest chemistry going and Angel still came back and smooched with the Buffster. Where does that fit in with anything? Not only did we fellow Buffy Cult members follow the Slayer herself through a maze of extremely bad, though very necessary, love decisions that *don't* include Angel, but Angel fans have done the same with Old Soulful himself as well.
Both lovers have a list of compadres that they've called their honeys over the last...what is it...*four* years? They've only seen each other to kick the crap out of one another occasionally. So I really fail to comprehend where all this sudden sexual tension came from. Was it just recently? Did Willow return from L.A. and happen to sneak in a little girl talk time where she'd said, "Hey, Buff. Don't know if you've noticed but Angel looks like a hot babe now. I'm thinkin' about whether Kennedy was the best choice after all."? I think not. Or if she'd had, that'd be a whole different story attacked by a whole new group of 'shippers.
Another thing that really, *really* bothered me was the amulet that Spike wore and that Angel delivered. Now, we've watched our faithful BtVs for about seven years now and the last couple of season have been really good, no? I mean, after the fifth season, we're way past weapons and swords and lame little trinkets that whole magic power and solve our apocalypses. We've already battled *gods*, man. How can we go back now?
So what the hell is an amulet doing showing up on the show now? The First Evil, which I'll discuss a bit later, has been made out to be the worst thing ever possible. Ever. Completely. Totally. So, naturally, to defeat a really powerful, indestructable, out-for-your-ass, invincible, mighty, first source of evil ever is to let someone where an amulet. Naturally. Aint that just neat. I think it's simply dandy. First, it was the scyth that bothered me, but then I saw where it fit in. It's a pratical choice for the chopping off of UbiVamps' heads. It *is* a whole lot better than slicing their heads incessantly with a piece of wire like Buffy did the first time. But the amulet?
Doesn't it seem like 2nd or 3rd season stuff? The First Evil is made out to be this big bad gonna-kill-you-all source of evil and they're saying it can be stopped by an amulet? Or at least if not stopped, then *helped* be stopped by an amulet? Joss...I...I...I don't even know what to say to you anymore. Wait, no, here's something. How about, "Stop being so lame after you've built up the First Evil character."
Speaking of which, doesn't the First just crack you up all the time? Seriously. In the first couple of episodes, Convos With Dead People more precisely, we were lead to believe that the First was going to be this huge, powerful force of evil that will wipe out the gang in a second if they stood its way. Or even if they didn't. Ahem, so the First's plans are carried out and he sends out and UbiVamp. (Just for your information, I know they're called UberVamps, I just like saying 'UbiVamp'. ~_#) So the UbiVamp scares everything...for like a day, and then Buffy kicks its ass. Now you had to see that coming. I mean, she hasn't killed anything male in over 14 hours... she needed to keep her womanhood alive.
So UbiVamp's gone and the First looks...is that....is that *fear*? Firsty's Plan A was to the Ubi take down the gang? First, man, you gotta go talk to Adam. I mean, at least he *had* some kind of sense and a brain. Sure it was stolen, but something's better than nothing. So, what have we got after that? Oh, yes, the threats. I can't forget that. It had me trembling in my seat. Wait....no....no....that was me shaking with laughter. My mistake.
After the UberVamp incident, with the exception of a few feeble attempts at anything, the First has just been mysteriously and gravely showing up in random places with scary phrases at hand. "You kids don't know what you're in for..." "You're all going to die. Soon." "I can't wait until I get to you see you scream while I watch you blood wash the sidewalk blah blah blah"... I don't even *remember* what the First said or who he was talking to but it was hysterical. For someone made out to be SO powerful... well he just is pathetic. Agreed?
So after the near-death experience with the scary, pain-staking verbal abuse, the First pulls out the big guns. A preacher. Why didn't I think of that? I--I mean it's brilliant! A preacher who hates women... It's wonderful. (There's more detail about how the character in this show that hate women don't end up well at this link. Mucho things about Caleb, too. Go here, it's cool.) Now, don't get me wrong. I always found preachers pretty darn scary myself (you see the sarcasm here, no?) but what's more genious and petrifying about it is that the First is behind it all. No, no, you're not seeing things. That really *is* the First right there, standing in Buffy's form conversing with Caleb and possibly seducing him. Oh... look...I'm trembling again. It's horrible. The First is going to *TALK* to Caleb, get him to do its work and kill the world by doing it. Oh...my...I'm almost in tears. Brilliant plan.
Ha.
I'll try start calling him FE FE. FE FE, why don't you just hire a hit man? It's the same thing, only the hit man employees don't yammer on incessantly about how they never got any and how their life is a pathetic meaningless joke. That's not what he was saying? Really? It sure as hell sounded like it. My bad.
Now about the actual amulet-doings. The lame piece of...shall we say bling bling...is ruthlessly shooting light through Spike and basically making him look like one of those electronic disco balls. Buffy kneels to him (while everyone else flees & covers their own scrawny asses just close enough so that they can see the Buffy/Spike scene play out) and says, "I love you."
Freeze everything.
So this is supposed to be the big regailing moment, right? I mean, Buffy's swapped many "I love you"s with Poofy McPoofter himself, but Spike... No, she's never said it to him. And purely on a I'm-a-Spuffy-shipper level, I'd just say, "Halle-freakin-llujiah" at this point because it's about damn time. So, this is what everyone's been waiting for. Even if you're not particularly fond of the whole Buffy/Spike shebang, don't tell me you're still not curious as to find out who the hell Buffy's love interest will be. I mean, she's said, "I love you" to someone who deeply, deeply loves her back and wants her badly. To someone who'd never, ever leave and to someone who gets her. Understands her. Basically perfect for her and she recongnizes it. It's supposed to be perfect, right?
Play scene.
Spike genuienly smiles at Buffy and says, "No you don't. But thanks for saying it." And dies. Right there.
Freeze everything. Again. And perhaps go murder Joss now since I've noticed that you've been following my orders.
So Spike doesn't accept Buffy's proclamation? And more so, Spike has shown throughout the show that he knows what Buffy is truthfully thinking, so if he says, "No, you don't" then she really doesn't? And Buffy accepts that. She accepts him saying that she doesn't and doesn't even bother to say, "No. I really do." Which means she'd lie to Spike as he's dying? Aw, how terribly Buffy of her.
So, Spike's dying and I'm downlplaying my reacting about fifty-thousand notches and Buffy leaves, once again, uncommited to any damn male besides maybe Giles.
What does that say? Buffy's doomed to have a terrible romantic past in which she'd had two very, very great chances at pursuing a 'you're-the-one' relationship and she's missed them both. Is a Slayer really doomed to be alone? Is the show sending out the message that just because Buffy's a female bad-ass and can kick practically anything that crawls out of the sewer then she doesn't get a mate or something?
Great way to end the show. Fascinating. Yeah, *now* would be a good time to kill Joss.
Thanks for listening to my ramble. Thank you very much.
Did you notice how I didn't even mention Riley in that? Ha, he doesn't deserve a word. It's hilarious. Most would agree.
-- Yours truly Moosin