So I was having some thoughts at work yesterday, and a few things hit me big time. Unfortunately, they don't seem quite as clear to me now, but I'll have a go at elucidating them and they might sound more impressive on the page than they do currently in my head.
The question of why I emotionally ate in the past still bugs me. Not only that, but why I'm not doing it any more. I mean, to be honest I've had a shit of a week with regard to a couple of very stressful events in my life. For some reason though, I haven't felt in the least bit tempted to emotionally eat. My eating and my emotions don't feel even vaguely linked any more. Great news indeed, but how the hell did it happen?
I think it's a much bigger issue than just eating. There are some people in the world (like my Flopsy) who seem to have gotten overweight by liking food a lot and eating too much of the wrong sort. Once they get the right information and something that motivates them enough to want to lose the weight, it seems to get moving pretty quickly. For emotional eaters, though, it runs much deeper. All the information in the world doesn't help you when you are feeling like saying "f*** it, I'm goin to have that extra large pizza and block of chocolate, and I just don't care!".
So why does this happen, even though we apparently don't want to get more overweight? I believe it is related to our perception of control over our lives in general. Remembering back to my depths of emotional eating, I was in a victim mentality - both about my life in general and also specifically about food. By saying 'victim' I mean that I felt I was on the receiving end of negative treatment, and that I was powerless to stop it, or to control my feelings regarding it.
If you get to reading stuff about depression, there are a few concepts used to describe this kind of mind set. One is 'locus of control' and what this basically means is an individual's belief of where the controlling factors in their life are located - internally or externally. People with an internal locus of control believe that it is within their own power to influence events in their life. People with an external locus of control believe that factors outside of their control are more influential. The latter kind of people are much more prone to depression because when negative things happen in their lives, they feel powerless to do anything about it.
So, when shit things were happening in my life, I was characterised by this kind of thinking. I was stuck in a terrible relationship, and for some reason instead of walking the hell away, I stuck around getting more and more hurt and feeling completely unable to do anything to change what was happening. When you're feeling helpless, I believe this is a high risk time for emotional eating. The bigger picture seems hopeless, so instead you go for immediate relief. Bingo - chocolate, take away, cheezels, cake, biscuits.
Another interesting thing is that my thinking about food was also characterised by this kind of thinking. I was always thinking how unfair it was that I didn't have a naturally thin body type and fast metabolism, that because I lived on my own it was too difficult to cook healthily, that because I was so depressed I couldn't possibly be expected to plan and shop and eat healthily.
Now when it is stated like this - it sounds irrational. But when you're feeling it and living it every day, let me tell you it's bloody hard to get perspective. Don't think for a second that by me writing this I am scornful of people stuck in this quagmire.
What I am saying, though, is that you need to remind yourself that your perception is not necessarily reality. That if you are stuck in a difficult place emotionally, you need to find some small ways to find a different perspective, and start deliberately noticing those things that you CAN exercise control over. This was one of the first things that made a difference in my life. Instead of trying to resolve all the bad stuff, I started by increasing some good things in my life. I bought a cat, I got a massage, I re-connected with friends. Small things, but they gave me strength to build on.
Specifically with food - even if you are still really struggling with emotional eating at the moment - can you increase your sense of control by increasing some positive food choices even if you don't get rid of the unhealthy ones straight away? For example, can you start just by making sure you eat breakfast every day? Can you eat some fruit as well as the chocolate bar at work? If you can make these positive changes, you might find your sense of control and confidence increases so that you can start tackling the harder stuff.
In conclusion, remember that eating disorders (overeating and obesity included) often occur along side serious psychological issues like depression. If you need assistance with these things as well, make sure you get the help you need.