Title
by Remma (morennab@yahoo.co.uk)
If it had come up heads, he would still be in the Antarctic. He liked the Antarctic. He had time to think; time to breathe. Back on McMurdo he could bitch and moan about his superiors. He could kick back and relax with the other airmen. He could socialize, be one of the guys. He had time to enjoy his life.
If it had come up heads, he could get bucket loads of fried chicken. God, he missed chicken. He had always laughed at the joke that everything tasted like chicken, but in the Pegasus Galaxy, nothing did. Some stuff was close, like that weird flightless bunnyduck they´d found on the mainline. But close wasn´t the same. It was like eating something covered in carob. It looked like chocolate, your taste buds were all set for chocolate, and then it just wasn´t. So disappointing.
If it had come up heads, he could still get cable. He could get sports and movies, Star Trek and The Twilight Zone. He could get porn. He could even get those crap reality shows, American Idol, and Jerry Springer. He could get Daytime Soaps. Not that he would want to watch that kind of trash, but still, he could.
If it had come up heads, he would never have heard of the Wraith. He would never have had to bear the responsibility for so many lives. Not just the ones here on Atlantis, but the Athosians too. In fact, since he was the one who had woken the Wraith, he was accountable for every human life in the Pegasus Galaxy.
If it had come up heads, they wouldn´t now have to deal with the consequences of his rash act. It didn´t change anything that he couldn't have known what would happen, as Elizabeth, Teyla, Rodney and everyone else kept telling him. Well, Elizabeth, Teyla and everyone else anyway. What Rodney had actually said was that he should be used to ridiculously heroic and ultimately disastrous actions from anyone military. He had then handed John an extraordinarily delicious mug of hot chocolate, complete with frothy cream and sprinkles. It never ceased to amaze John that Rodney could consistently be simultaneously considerate and yet outstandingly insensitive.
If it had come up heads he wouldn´t be living his life in a state of constant vigilance, just waiting for the attack they knew would come. He wouldn´t be expected to know what they could do to survive. He could pass the buck, he could be the one following orders instead of giving them. He wouldn´t have to be strong, to keep up an invulnerable front to stop people from panicking.
If it had come up heads, he wouldn´t be lying in an alien bed, tossing and turning until the sky began to brighten. He was sure that he had heard somewhere that nine times out of ten, a tossed coin came up heads, but for him, it came up tails. Smoothing his pillow, he closed his eyes and sighed. As he did so, Rodney rolled over with a soft, snuffling snore, throwing an arm over John´s chest and snuggling in closer to his side. Smiling, John drifted into sleep, thinking how lucky he was that for this one time in ten, it had come up tails.
***The End***
