Are You Qualified to be a Professional?

From: James Michael Balestrieri  <jamesb@pop3.ids.net>
To: mhirsch <mhirsch@ipdinc.com>
Subject: How do you rate?
Date: Mon, 17 Jan 2000 14:53:00 -0400

Thanks, James!

The following quiz consists of four questions that establish whether or not you are qualified to be a professional. The questions are not that difficult. You just need to think like a professional.

How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.
This question tests whether or not you are doing simple things in a complicated way.
How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Incorrect answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and shut the refrigerator.
Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This question tests your memory.
The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, to which all the animals are summoned. All the animals attend except one. Which did not attend?
Correct answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator!
This question tests your ability to assimilate information and apply it in new contexts.

OK, if you did not answer the last three questions correctly, this one may be your last chance to test your qualifications to be a professional...
Thousands of ferocious crocodiles live in the river, and there is no bridge. You must cross the river, and you must take action in 5 seconds. How do you cross the river?
Correct Answer: Simply swim through it. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting!
This question tests your reasoning ability under the threat of duress.

Scoring

If you answered four out of four questions correctly, you are a true professional. Wealth and success await you.
If you answered three out of four, you have some catching up to do but there's hope for you.
If you answered two out of four, start scouting the local unions.
If you answered one out of four, consider a career that does not require the use of mental function-- higher or otherwise. You know, like politics.
If you answered none correctly, and you are not supported by a trust fund, it is time to seriously consider selling some of your organs. For all our sakes, start with your reproductive ones.