Relinquish Your Dreams of Paradise

blah = thoughts

He sat on the roof, staring vacantly at the night sky. It wasn't the stars which twinkled his gaze was on, it was the infinite darkness. They'd just returned from a mission. As everyone retired to their respective rooms, he'd headed up to the roof, a habit that he had ever since his first kill. He hadn't even bothered to change out of his mission clothes. The chilling night wind ruffled his clothes and hair, but the icy breeze was nothing compared to the cold darkness which permeated his soul.

As each day goes by, I wonder if it'll ever change. How long will I be cursed in this seemingly endless nightmare...?

"Omi? Why are you out here?"

Youji's inquiry snapped the youngest Weiß member out of his revive. He turned to face his elder, a surprised look on his young face.

"Ah, Youji-kun! Betsuni, just taking a break from mission reports to get some fresh air. What about you?"

"The door was open, so I came up to investigate. Thought you were a burgular, Omittchi."

Omi flashed a cheerful smile, but Youji noticed that it didn't reach his eyes. His brow furrowed slightly as he also noticed that the mission had ended 2 hours ago, yet Omi was still in his assassin gear.

"Don't stay out here too late, since it's cold. If you get sick, I'm not coming anywhere near you or your germs!" He stated jokingly, not to rouse the young blond's suspicions. As a former P.I., Youji knew better than to accuse someone of having a problem right away, it'd only make the person deny it even more.

"Hai, hai... I promise I'll go back inside soon, okaa-san!" Omi replied playfully, sticking his tounge out at the older blonde. Youji waved him off, and headed back in. The young blond followed soon after, heading down to the mission room to finish the reports. After he'd finished, he went up to his room, quietly changed into his pajamas, and cried himself to sleep.

******

It was one of those days that Youji always dreaded-- morning shift. Since those squealing, drooling schoolgirls were about 80% of their business, the mornings were nearly devoid of customers. The playboy leaned over the counter, yawing as he surveyed the shop for the 94th time that morning. Aya was in the back, stocking the storage room. If morning shifts weren't bad enough, morning shifts with Aya were worse. A conversation with the stoic redhead usually revolved around the words 'Takatori', 'shi-ne', and 'Aya'; the guy was as much fun to talk to as a chalkboard.

Outside, a steady rain poured down, decreasing the chance that they'd see much business until later. Youji didn't care for the afternoon crowds much, since that was when the schoolgirls would flood the shop. Occassionally, there'd be a few women over 18 that he'd charm and woo, but the rest would be hormonal, overly-hyper schoolgirls, which he'd push off on Omi.

That reminded him of Omi's current condition. He'd been surreptitiously watching the youngest Weiß member's behavior very closely over the last 3 weeks. At first, they thought he'd still might be disenheartened over the whole Takatori mess, but his personality did a complete 360. He'd been skipping school, staying out late, and his performance in the shop hit rock-bottom. Two days ago, he'd knocked over a large shelf containing pots of African violets to be used at a banquet, which set them pretty far back for the week. Youji was sure that Aya's lecturing about being more careful and money didn't help either.

Finally, the afternoon rolled around, with total of 4 customers thus far. Youji eagerly awaited Ken or Omi's return, so he could head back to his room. He'd sleep all day so he'd be ready for some clubbing tonight.

The bell above the shop door alerted the blond of a customer. He sat up, his usual charming grin plastered across his face, in case it was a beautiful lady. That grin quickly faded as he saw who their 'customer' was. In the doorway stood Omi, soaked from head to toe and shivering. His face was upturned, and his eyes held a distant, poingant look. His eyes were also reddened and puffy from crying, and he rocked unsteadily on shaky feet.

"Irassha-- OMI??!!"

Omi turned towards Youji, a confused look on his face. It was as if he didn't recognize his own name.

"Mou... dame... genkai da..." [1]

"Aya!! Oi, Aya! Get out here! Something's wrong with Omi!!"

Youji called for the redhead and ran around the counter, just in time to see the young blond collapse to the floor.

****

When Omi finally came to, he felt weak and light-headed. As he attempted to sit up, his body painfully protested, and he fell back against the bed with a painful cry.

"Hey, sounds like he's finally come to."

Sapphire orbs stared at three other male figures gathered around his bed.

"Omi, daijoubu?"

"Un. I'm fine now. Just a little tired."

"What happened? Youji told us you collapsed in the store, and you were soaking wet! Did you get into a fight or something?"

"No, nothing like that. I was heading home from school, and I got caught in the rain. Baka me for not having my umbrella, ne?" He laughed, attempting to lighten the mood.

"Guys, you can head back to the shop. Don't want to keep our precious customers waiting, do you? I'll watch over Omi."

"Ah." Aya flatly replied, and left the room, Ken following in suit.

Time to find out the truth Youji thought to himself.

"Thought you didn't want to be around my germs if I got sick, Youji-kun."

"Nevermind that. There's a few things that I've been wanting to ask you about, Omittchi..."

"Eh? Like what?"

"Like why you've been acting so strange lately."

Omi tensed at the older man's statement, but he remained calm.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Youji-kun..."

"Fuzakeru na,[2] Omi. The others might not have realized anything, but Where have you been going?"

"I haven--"

"Your principal called. Said you've missed 3 consecutive days of school. Also, would you mind explaining that little mishap in the shop earlier? I seriously doubt it was because you were caught in the rain..."

The last reaction Youji expected was for Omi to start crying, since that's exactly what happened. The blue-eyed teen lowered his head, blond hair covering his face as sobs wracked his body, and tears rolled down his face.

"Mou... yameta... dekinai..."[3]

"O-Omi...??"

Youji was at a complete loss for words as the young blonde turned his tear-streaked face towards him and wrapped his arms around his waist, sobbing harshly into his chest.

"I can't keep living this way...!! Why can't I realize my it...? Kami-sama, WHY??!"

A calming silence embraced them as Omi cried out all the hoplessness and frustration that was pent up inside him. Youji said nothing, just embraced his friend and teammate, comforting him quietly. After about 10 minutes had passed, the cries and sobs quieted down into nothingness, and Omi reluctantly released his grip on the elder Weiß member.

What could be troubling him so much?

"Gomen, Youji-kun... you must think I'm a silly child."

"Not at all. If something's ever bothering you Omi, you should talk to us. You of all people should know best that any strains in the team is dangerous to our missions." Youji smiled, patting Omi on the head.

"Hai." Omi replied, a small face gracing his face as he swatted Youji's hand away. He paused for a long time before speaking again. "Youji-kun... do you have any dreams?"

"Dreams?"

"Hopes, wishes, desires for the future. Things like that."

"I did at one time, but that's in the past now. Being part of Weiß doesn't leave room for anything else."

"Sou ka..." Any traces of happiness on Omi's face vanished with Youji's last statment.

So THAT'S what's bothering him...

"What about you? What do you wish for? What's your dream for the future?"

"Betsuni." [4]

"C'mon Omittchi. You wouldn't ask me that if you didn't have any dreams of your own!" Youji replied, smiling in an attempt to brighten Omi's mood.

"It's like you said. 'Being part of Weiß doesn't leave room for anything else'. Besides, we're murderers. We aren't worthy of dreams, or hope."

"I think Aya's starting to rub off on you..."

"Is Aya-kun so wrong? We just hunt the beasts of darkness, with no hope for anything else. Protecting the light is all we can do..."

"Be that as it may, you never answered my question."

Youji's eyebrow raised questiongly as a faint blush tinted Omi's face.

"My dream... it's... I don't know why I'd dream of something like that. The more I tried to ignore it, the more it ate away at me. That's why I'd been skipping school and being so clumsly in the shop. I just couldn't think anymore. I couldn't live another double life, another lie... ever since I joined Weiß, I'd always dreamed of a world where I... none of us would have to kill anymore. We'd all be free to chase our dreams, without any bloodied cross to keep us back."

More importantly, I'd be with you. But I guess that's just a dream as well...

"That's a pretty nice dream, Omi. Who knows, maybe the day will come when your dream won't be just a dream anymore... You're too strict on yourself. Yes, we are assassins, but that doesn't stop us from having dreams, nah? Ja, oyasumi. I'm off to rest up for clubbing tonight." Youji ruffled Omi's hair once more, stood, and turned on heel, but stopped in his when Omi spoke once more.

"IYA! Youji-kun, don't leave me alone!" Omi's shaky voice cried out, and his grabbed the elder blond's wrist as Youji stood up to leave. Green eyes widened in surprise as Omi grabbed him, pausing for a moment before flashing a warm smile at the weeping youth.

"Wakatta. [5] I can go clubbing another night, eh?"

"Youji-kun... gomen. I--"

"Shhh. What kind of friend would I be if I left my friend alone at a time like this?" Youji sat on the edge of Omi's bed this time. Almost immediately, the blue-eyed youth embraced him tightly, arms so tightly wound as if he were about to fall. Youji hugged him back, leaning his chin on the top of Omi's head, which smelled of honey and strawberries.

Even if it seems impossible, I'll still try. My hope and belief will see me through... someday...

"Youji-kun, arigatou for helping me to understand. I won't relenquish my dreams so easily anymore."

"Glad to hear it, Omittchi."

"You should chase after your dream as well, Youji-kun..."

Omi's young voice drifted off as sleep began to overtake him, and Youji silently gasped as a familiar image formed in his mind. He was at the seashore, laughing and walking with someone. He caught a glimpse of large, exultant eyes before the image faded as quickly as it had appeared.

"Perhaps, someday... sweet dreams, Omittchi."

Their dreams didn't seem so intangible anymore.

Owari.

translation notes:

[1] it's no good... this is the limit..

[2] quit joking around/knock it off

[3] I quit... I can't do this anymore...

[4] nothing

[5] I understand