Tokyo Union of Bodyguards #113

A bit of nonsense I thought of while reading Mirrordance's fantastic story 'Driven'. Enjoy, minna.

::Warnings:: Random silliness and no real plot. I wrote this in half an hour. (Oh, this was inspired by a scene from Mirrordance's Driven. This is silly and her story isn't, but still...)

~*~*~*~

"Hey, Uji! Ohisashiburi desu ne?"

"No way! Reno? Ogenki desu ka?"

"I've been better."

"Yeah, I got ya. Still working for that Takatori guy?"

"Na, he got himself whacked by that damned Weiss group. Those four nearly cleaned out the building too. I was in the john at the time so I made it out alive. I've got this gig with some drug lord who's staying petty enough to fly under Kritiker's radar."

"Smart guy. Hey, I'll see ya after the meeting, ne?"

"Sure. Say hi to Yoshiko for me!"

Reno bent and filled his paper cup from the blue cooler. He sipped at his water, dark eyes searching for more. The room was filled with dark suited men, each carrying assorted kinds of weaponry. The tables were rapidly filling and Reno took his seat as another bodyguard took the podium on the stage at the front of the room.

The guard tapped the mike nervously. "Is this thing on?"

The answering feedback sent a ripple of laughter through the room. The man on stage smiled slightly before continuing.

"I'm Hiro Yushumiya and I'll be conducting tonight's meeting. Um...our previous president met with...um..."

"He bought the farm!" came a rough reply from the back of the room.

Reno chuckled darkly. It wasn't uncommon to come to Union meetings and find that their membership had been reduced by more than half in a few scant weeks. All because of Kritiker and their noble mission to wipe evil from the face of the earth. Buncha dumbasses in Reno's opinion. Hiro bit back his own laughter. Instead he stepped back from the podium and raised his voice to the crowd.

"The moment you've all been waiting for...Weiss!"

The curtains behind him swept back dramatically, revealing four bound youths set up behind a table. Neat name tags had been set in front of each boy, black inked kanji revealing the identities of the most hated assassin's group in Japan. The red headed leader, Aya Fujimiya. Ex-J league player, Ken Hidaka. Former private investigator, Youji Kudou. Boy genius, Omi Tsukiyono.

A low hiss picked up from the crowd, along with several boos. The dark haired Ken fought against his bonds, swearing loudly. His blonde teammate rolled his eyes impatiently.

"Ken. Shut up."

Reluctantly the other boy did as he was told, his cheeks reddening at the laughter he received from the bodyguards. Aya regarded Hiro with cool violet eyes.

"What do you want from us?"

Hiro gulped and reached into his inner pocket. He brandished the folded paper before him like it would save his life if any of the boys before him happened to get free.

"We have some terms we'd like you to sign."

The four boys were silent as they regarded the acting president with incredulous stares. Their reply was in chorus. "NANI??"

Hiro unfolded the paper, which turned out to be slightly larger that it appeared at first. He reached into his pocket again and withdrew a pair of reading glasses, then cleared his throat.

"We, the member of Tokyo Union of Bodyguards #113, do hereby set forth these terms under which will we perform agreed to services with our employers.

"Weiss Kreuz, also known as White Knights, agree to the following terms when performing their assigned duties in regard to the aforementioned bodyguards employed by their targets."

Omi's jaw dropped to the table. "Terms? You want us to sign a contract?"

The four boys began to chuckle, well the three livelier ones did anyway. The red head let a small smile reach his lips, but not his eyes. There was the scrape of a chair on linoleum as some of the bodyguards in the crowd stood.

"No more killing! Just kick us in the head and we'll all go on with our lives!"

"No more of that damned wire! You know how hard it is to explain shit like that to your wife?"

"Those claws have got to go! What a pussy weapon! Be a man and get a gun!"

"Darts are a game. Stay home and play with your other toys!"

"Stop slashing with the damned sword! Just run us through and be done with it!" There was a muffled thud. "Never mind that last comment!"

Hiro placed the contract on the table along with a pen. "It's all in legal terms but the basic gist is that we ask that you stop killing every guard you come across. Do whatever you have to to subdue us. We have hard heads," he smiled as he wrapped his knuckles against his own head. "It makes it hard to recruit members when your profession has such a high death rate. Thanks to you."

Ken scoffed. "What are you going to do if we don't sign?"

The room was filled with various clicks and scrapes as every weapon in the room was drawn and pointed at the helpless assassins. The soccer player eeped.

"Where do we sign?"

*~*~*~

Youji stopped in shock as the door swung closed behind them, the muffled sound of applause making its way through the thick wood.

"Does anyone else feel like we've just been castrated?"

Ken draped a sympathetic arm about his shoulders. "Could be worse."

The older blonde fixed him with a jade glare. "How, exactly?"

Ken gulped and moved off down the alley they had been pushed into. "Let me think on that. I'll get back to you."

~*Owari*~