toy soldier
how old can you be before understanding
who you are? is there an hour, if missed,
makes it undefined? or does the innerself
turn back time and take you to a place
where you just started to breath?
what event is truly more life-changing
than whatever happens today?
and what happens if someone
stands in your way?
do you just mow them down?
may, two thousand seven
thanksgiving in america
(circa sixteen hundred)
after a while numbness
enveloped my mind
as I witnessed the burning,
while I watched with horror
and heard the screams
of the natives shouting
behind the growing flames
i kept thinking i was watching
my own eternity,
a sort of senseless end
necessary to ease the pain,
necessary to erase the shame,
necessary to cleanse my soul
while all my friends celebrated
their temporary security,
i fell to my knees,
asked my lord for forgivness;
found myself restrained
from throwing
my body into the fire
december, two thousand six
Falling
She hated the food, the guards,
the very place where her family
and servants were certain to die,
where somehow, miraculously,
the daughters of the Monarchy
would forever shroud
any evidence of advancing
the Romanov bloodline.
Soldiers patroled the mansion turned
prison, walking the halls
as muffled conversations
seeped through the walls and floors,
the Czarina's voice carrying through
the airspaces and into the room
where her daughters sewed hurriedly.
Anastasia found such affairs interesting,
her mother's motives incredulous;
moved her emotions to extremes, especially
with thoughts of surviving the execution,
saddened at the thought
of losing everything else.
The Whites countered an advance
past the Ural Mountains,
their mission certain to fail
when the Bolsheviks received word
to finish the job.
Just before the Czarina and the girls
were blindfolded and taken away,
they had fevorishly finished tattering
the final, precious stones
into their executional clothing.
As the boots kicked in the doors
and pointed their rifles at the family fortune,
the girls fastened their bullet-proofs vests,
marched down to the cellar as commanded.
Nicholas II and Alexandra, their weakened
son, Alexei, his doctor,
and the three servants fell.
Just after the bullets
ended their consciousness,
dropping their bodies instantly,
the gunsmoke overtaking the dank
odor of the cellar,
the eleven marksmen lowered their rifles.
As the shots rang out all eleven
fell; Anastasia and her sisters
lost all life in their limbs,
their minds making-believe death,
their faces touching the blood
that was not to live on.
Over and over and over again
the Czarina implanted what actions
were necessary for surviving.
And as her daughters fell
they never made a sound,
and prayed to Jesus
they would live another day.
november, two thousand six
Survival 101
We brought our brand of rock and cigarettes
into the jungle, blended with nature as best
we could. Going in I knew coming out
was inevitable, would not allow my body
to be subjected by a sniper or bengal tiger.
Our radio took a shit on day five or six,
and our party of eleven became ten
after one decided he couldn't adapt.
Blending into surreal colors requires skill;
the sounds were crisp and surrounding.
We told ourselves if a monkey could spot us
then so can Charley.
Controlled fear of death turns you into someone
you never fathomed, never questioning
the madness that dropped you in a place
you have no business being, makes it easy
for your body to follow your mind's orders.
On day eight or nine we found our target,
but quickly the party of ten dissolved down to one.
As they drug my body through the jungle
and down to their boat, I knew I would survive.
november, two thousand six
Infantry
He was born with a suicide pack
strapped around his waist, not too far
from where Jesus the prophet was born,
not too far from where bombs drop
more often than rainfall, not too far
from where the trendiest cafe in town
is now a basketball court.
Through the age of six he pleased Allah
by wearing the belt with pride,
realizing his duty was more powerful
than his uncircumcised phallus.
When the eventual light became more meaningful
with its destructive sound and chaos,
he leapt into the next dimension,
his laughter reaching all the deaf ears
of those who don't believe in virgins.
october, two thousand six
Lost Soldier
The water in his hands for a moment
became high definition television,
revealed in seconds the recent
'hand-to-hand' past with absolute clarity.
His bloodied hands shook slightly,
his superpower adrenalin falling closer
to normal, and his highly shocked system
continued to decompress.
As he lifted the reddish, murky water to his lips,
the images he held disintegrated, and for once
he realized his apparent isolation.
The rocks between his knees and streambed
felt comforting, so he continued to dip
his cupped hands in the creek and up to his face,
repeating the action methodically,
the motion reminding him of a Ferris wheel
that once existed far away.
september, two thousand six
Get High and Die Every Day
It's a trip. It's like the bus ride
just picked me up and dumped me
into this mess. So okay, I was with friends,
so it was all right, and what we did
we kept to ourselves, mostly.
It's hard to get high in a sandstorm,
plus the weed is weak here. It's no wonder
we make friends with strangers.
Who wouldn't give anything to get high
and die every day? What wouldn't I give
to have some of Mom's smoke now,
eat some of her dutch apple pie?
The boys in the troop were no better
than me, told me I would never survive.
But all the while I killed like I learned on PS2,
never giving up that out-of-body experience.
After seeing what they did I turned on them,
and they knew what they did was wrong
just before they died.
august, two thousand six
