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This is the practice of publicly announcing that someone, other than yourself, is Gay, without their consent. I think this sucks. We all have to come out on our own terms. You can see my own coming out story here. A lot of Outing is done for political reasons. We do need positive Gay role-models, but, it doesn't look good for someone to be outed only for them to retreat back into the closet and deny it. Even if they come out later, people say that they must of been ashamed of who they are, or they would have admitted it when they were outed. Like being Gay is something to be ashamed of! It's not.
Gay Life Is Over At 30
It might look that way to someone that is still in their 20's. At 46 I feel that life is over when you take that last breath. Sure, maybe your club life changes. What I mean is that you might not be able to come home from work, change clothes and go out till closing and then get up, go to work and then start all over again. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the hell out of being 20ish in the 70's and early 80's. Most of it was a wonderful time. I wouldn't go back and not do it. I wouldn't go back at all. I'm looking forward to all the new experiences that await me. I came out in '75. Five years before HIV/AIDS came into our lives. There are so many more avenues available to Gay people today. You don't think that the only people living longer these days are straight people? As Straight baby boomers get older so do us Gay baby boomers.
Internalized Homophobia
This is a very scary thing... I have just heard of a 17 year old that killed his intimate friend. Why? Because of his own self-hatred! Damn, when will we learn? I thought that we, as a society have learned better, to some extent. We are sometimes, inadvertently, taught to hate ourselves. I was lucky. My parents never talked about homosexuality. Hell, they had trouble talking about S-E-X, in general. By the time that Daddy had the talk with me about the birds and the bees, I was about 5 steps ahead. Remember to be careful, the next time you talk around or to your kids. You may not know it, but they might become gay!
It may not come from you, it may come from peers of your child. I found out after my Mother died, that she suspected that I was gay, as early as 4-5 years of age. I grew up knowing that I was different from other boys. I liked musicals, the arts, the beauty of nature. I didn't like sports, hunting or fishing. The things that are 'normally' associated with boy things. Looking back, there were plenty of clues of my Gayness. If Mother and Daddy had then, the resources that are available now, I think things would have been different for me.
I did grow up with the homophobic slurs. Coming home on the bus when I was in Jr. High was a nightmare. There was this kid, B-B that would call me names like 'fat-fag boy'. It was a daily ritual. Until I had had enough and finally turned around before I got off the bus and knocked the hell out of him! He left me alone after that.
It did get better but, not being able to openly date someone did have it's effects on me. I guess. When I went to the prom, I went with my good friend Wanda. My Jr. Prom was the first time I kissed a girl. I would rather have been dancing and kissing a guy. I've heard that there are some schools that allow same-sex couples go to the prom. This is a great thing that allows gay people be included in a part of the growing up ritual.
If you
have kids, let them know that what ever they are or become that you will love
them.
Fag Hags
Fag Hag- (noun) straight women that frequent gay bars and date Gay guys. This is phenomenon that puzzles me. It used to be a derogatory title used exclusively for women that would go to gay bars and pick up gay guys and want to have their babies. They are usually overweight. Being called a Fag Hag was not a nice thing. I can remember this Fag Hag in the bar that I came out in that we all called Fat Pat. She would party all night and dance with the most effeminate guys. When we saw her we would yell, "Fag Hag alert!" When she would not get her fag fix for the evening because the guy that she was after would leave with another guy she would throw a hissy fit.
I don't know what reason a straight woman to come to gay bars to pick up men? That's what We're there for. It's one thing for a straight woman to party at a gay bar but, a straight woman to try to bed a gay guy. Is it the old Scarlett O'Hara deal about going after what you can't have? Is it a conquest to 'change' a gay man into a straight man? Sure we're supposed to be more sensitive and all then our straight counterparts. There are the ones that do the latter. I have seen them come to our bars and go after the gay guys that still have doubts about their sexuality. I have seen them break up relationships.
I have seen websites about Fag Hags that show them in a positive light. I've even known Gays that think Fag Hags are cool. Maybe I've just missed the boat on that one.
If you see something that you take issue with or have a comment on email me. I would love to hear your thoughts on these issues.
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