Alexander

Alexander is a biopic of the legendary warrior who, by the age of 25, ruled most of the known world and died -- not with a bang but a whimper -- at 32.

Yet, in this interpretation, it is unclear exactly what made Alexander (played by Colin Farrell) a great leader. He may have conquered the world, but it was a world indifferent to conquest. His troops followed for the sake of Macedonia, as well as the legacy of his father, but they never believed in Alexander's vision. That comes as no wonder -- even his pre-battle pep talks lack any motivation.

Alexander's success began with the destruction of the Persian forces, and ended with his own defeat in India, but these two battle scenes are marred by extreme close-ups and butchered editing. Director Oliver Stone seems so desperate to create art, his usual flair degenerates into a psychedelic nightmare with the Indian sequence tinted shocking pink. Further, with the now prevalent cinematic armies enhanced by CGI, the scope of these scenes fails to impress and inadvertently slows the film's pace.

Despite much publicity, the film is not any more homo-erotic than Spartacus was 44 years ago. Though Alexander and his childhood friend Hephaestion (Jared Leto) vow their eternal love for one another, they never consummate their feelings. More questionable is Alexander's Oedipal relationship with his conniving stage mother (Angelina Jolie), who urged him to "take the world". Perhaps he pushed relentlessly eastward in an effort to distance himself from her.

The pointless screenplay is filled with innumerable monologues of pensive thought and rationale, while the narration (by Anthony Hopkins) is not chronological, weaving forwards and backwards more than once.

Thus, Hollywood's Golden Boy Farrell seems lost in the muddled storyline; he also looks ridiculous with platinum-blond hair. Jolie's performance is made all the more campy by her character's obsession with snakes, and Leto is ineffective at anything more than being fey. A bored Val Kilmer also appears as Alexander's drunken father, whose sole purpose is to spew misguided rhetoric.

Curiously, the large cast represent enough different accents to fill the United Nations, but not one sounds Greek. And there are an unusual number of both unnervingly pretty men and scarred-eyed soldiers. Lastly, the new-age score by Vangelis is entirely inappropriate.

Alexander starts out on a promising note, but becomes much less interesting when it tries to define his greatness. While idolizing Achilles (played earlier this year by Brad Pitt in an equally dreary film), Alexander himself aspired to God-hood. Sadly, happiness is one thing he never found. And neither will the audience. Rating: 3 out of 10.