Connie and Carla

After witnessing a murder, second-rate performers Connie (Nia Vardalos) and Carla (the chameleonic Toni Collette) flee to cultureless L.A. and go undercover as drag queens in order to work. By singing their own medleys of Broadway tunes, they become the toast of the city's gay scene and, in the process, gradually transform a dumpy nightclub into a dinner theatre. Soon, they risk not only their careers but their lives when Connie falls for Jeff (David Duchovny), a guy struggling to accept his brother's transvestitism.

Vardalos, who charmed audiences with her smash hit My Big Fat Greek Wedding (and bored them with the insufferably bad television follow-up), also wrote the juvenile screenplay. An amalgam of the classic Some Like it Hot and Victor/Victoria, it has no original ideas and is entirely predictable. Further, it fails to deliver the tender moments it sets up.

Michael Lembeck (Max from t.v.'s "One Day at a Time") seems to have directed the entire movie with his eyes shut. The camerawork is sloppy, and the microphone appears in several shots throughout the course of the film -- the studio obviously had so little faith in the outcome that they chose not to digitally remove this phantom faux pas. Shockingly, it is the funniest thing that ever happens on-screen.

Despite the chemistry and exuberance of the two leads, they are unable to save this embarrassing product. Vardalos suggests she is merely a one-hit wonder, Collette proves the material is beneath her, Duchovny confirms he has the personality of a doorknob (and the acting skills of a doorknob screw), and Lembeck demonstrates he has no creativity. They should all flee town and go undercover together. Rating: 2 out of 10.