BREAKING MOVIE NEWS

Scarlett Feaver!
Looking good

(Apparently) Sexy starlet Scarlett Johansson was so inspired by the 80s indie themed soundtrack to the (apparently) brilliant film Lost in Translation, she has decided to appear on the hit show Stars in their Eyes as Ian Mculloch. The Home Alone 3 star will perform the Echo and the Bunnymen classic ‘Bring on the Dancing Horses’. Natalie Portman has denied she will sing ‘Inbetween Days’ the same week.
The producers are apparently worried about letting the teenager near Matthew Kelly. Controversial! *

Man Don't Give a Fuck
Looking forward to marathon Championship Manager sessions

You may have noticed that Brad Pitt was missing from this weekends Oscar ceremony. The Too Young to Die star is getting increasingly bored of the Hollywood lifestyle, and decided to stay at home and watch the second series of Spaced instead. Brad was quoted as saying, “its just a bit shit really isn’t it, all this. I couldn’t be arsed to go, so I just sat around at home listening to Super Furry Animals and eating chunky Kit Kats”. Brad has also divorced Jennifer Aniston and is set to move in with James Crouchman and his friends in their Sheffield house next year for 12 months of playing playstation and drinking cheap lager.

Affleck's Palace
Say cheese

Ben Affleck did something today. I’m not sure what though. Did anyone catch it; I was too busy eating my lunch. Maybe he bought a paper. Or maybe he went for a stroll. Yeah, I think that was it.

Law of the Land
Me, Jude Law, here, with my reputation?

Jude Law was seen asking advice at the Oscar ceremony from fellow single parent Nicole Kidman. Tottenham fan Law was overheard asking her, “how the fuck do you keep a lead at half time when playing a relegation threatened team? At home. With an extra man"
Later Law was seen talking to Willem Defoe, telling the English Patient star that he is "a bloody brilliant striker"”

Cate Blanchett eats a Troll
Why dont you just piss off?

Oh no, wait, this didn’t happen. She did go to the Oscars though! Apparently her film won. I bet that made her proud, her being in it for a massive 5 minutes.

This Charming Man
Oi! Watch it!

Dashing English actor Paul Bettany is set to give up acting and concentrate on his busking career. The Land Girls star (no, I didn’t spot him either) has spoken in interviews about how he used to play Smiths songs on the streets of London to earn money. Paul said, “you are penniless, get spat on, people shout abuse and its bloody freezing. Still, it beats starring in Dead Babies” Tisch-Boom!

Johnny Depp nominated for Oscar
Fooled them all!

Johnny Depp was nominated for a best Actor Oscar for his performance in Pirates of the Caribbean. No, seriously, this actually happened.


* Pear Harbour would like to point out that the producers of Stars in their Eyes are worried about Matthew Kelly merely because he is a Scouser, and may try and steal Johansson’s BAFTA. Even though it’s pretty worthless.

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