BREAKING MOVIE NEWS

You're going daarrnn!
Tucci - You want some?

The trial of Stan “the man” Tucci has begun today. The actor stands accused of Crimes against humanity after appearing in ‘Road to Perdition’, ‘Maid in Manhattan’ and ‘The Core’. Tucci’s defence put their case forward today, saying that Stan was infact the best thing in all three of those films.

Ha ha youre rubbish

Kate Winslet, the Oasis of British cinema (fat and overrated?), has been victim to yet more airbrushing controversy. Kate had finished a photo shoot for trendy women’s magazine Vagina when the editor began drastically changing the photos on a computer. The magazine changed her hair to a short blonde cut, took a couple of inches off her height and improved her acting CV. They also changed the name on the front cover to Kate A-S-H-F-I-E-L-D. Vagina’s circulation increased by 5 times for that issue.

Swank yanks Hanks' plank
Has it come to this?

Tom Hanks has been caught receiving hand - jobs from fish-lipped actress Hilary Swank. This type of thing must not be allowed to continue. I suggest locking both of them away, and forcing them to watch The Core over and over and over and over again.
This website used to be home to some cutting film satire, but now its just crude gags about masturbation. What’s happened?

Cox signs on
Cheer up mate - you must be loaded

Brian Cox has signed up to act in every single movie being filmed from now until the end of time. Cox said “this is a massive challenge to me, I’m going to try and average 117 films per month, which is a bit less than I currently do” (tish-boom).

Cruel to be Kind

Glamorous film star Liv Tyler has married dickhead fuckwit Royston Langdon, from neo-glam twats ‘Spacehog’ (If you don’t know who Spacehog are, look in the music section of your local charity shop). The pair were married in a beautiful ceremony in Hawaii.
Wait a minute, nobody’s going to believe this!

If Sheen was a girl he'd wear a miniskirt into town
Could you resist those good looks?

Newly single Michael Sheen has been spotted out on the town with various lovely ladies. Since splitting from girlfriend Kate Recorden of regional news program ‘Look East’, Michael has been determined to enjoy his new bachelor status. Just last night the 'Seans Show' and 'Animated Epics' star was spotted watching neo-skiffle band ‘The Bandits’ at the Norwich arts centre with 3 women on each arm. Although that’s not uncommon with Norfolk girls.
Neo-Skiffle! I’ve just invented a new genre of music! Brilliant!

In a bra?

What’s happened to Leo DiCaprio? Since the tragic death of his lover Tim Burgess, Leo’s hit rock bottom and has now taken up a shitty job as a waiter dressed in drag! Sophie Crouchman reported that DiCaprio “served her sandwiches in a bra”. Is this true? Or is it a warped fantasy that Sophie has? Only time will tell.

If thats Ian Hart then I'm the Marquis de Sade!

After the fall of Saddam Hussein’s regime, the new leader of Iraq has been named as B-movie scouser Vanessa Angel. Angel, star of ‘Stargate’ and ‘Baywatch: Hawaii’, has named Ian Hart as her number 2, and passed a law stating that only Echo and the Bunnymen are permitted to be listened to.

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