BREAKING MOVIE NEWS

Crouchman reaches new low
James spots a cornetto

All round great guy James Crouchman (pictured) has tragically seen his life fall apart before his eyes. Crouchman, who until recently had enjoyed a lucrative job as a cinema usher has left his job after a disagreement with the staff. Crouchman has also split with partner Sophie Marceau after his much publicised cocaine fuel romps with various supermodels. Best friend Jack Davenport has revealed that he has not spoken to James for six months. The reformed Stone Roses have also admitted that the James tribute album they were planning will no longer happen, and the Shane Meadows directed biopic based on his life has been scrapped.

Simm is the Ressurection
Mrs Simm digs that 1930s bondage look

John Simm is Christ! This amazing story is exclusive to Pear Harbour! The ‘Cracker’ star said “Why don’t people just leave me alone? I’m sick of all this press intrusion, its not like I’ve done anything worth while. You should be concentrating on doctors or teachers rather than the Son of God”. Simm has currently put his band ‘Magic Alex’ on the back burner while he comes to terms with the fact that he is the saviour of all humanity.

Wicked Wispers III
Move over love so we can see Stuart

Which hunky Irish fuckwit/ golfers son has been caught at a Shed Seven concert? Yeah, Shed Seven! Imagine the embarrassment!

I quite fancy her mother
Spot the Ian Brown impersonator

Pear Harbour can sensationally reveal that Noel Gallagher and Natasha Richardson are an item again! The poor mans John Squire and the British actress were engaged in 1995, after Gallagher wrote ‘She’s Electric’ for his lover, but they later split after Richardson admitted she preferred ‘Be Here Now’ to ‘Definitely Maybe’.

Alan Brazil, Badgers, Sperm. What could possibly go wrong?

There was an embarrassing moment in Norwich on Friday night as Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise were in the same room for the first time since their split. The pair were watching The Vines at the UEA and tried their hardest to avoid each other. An eyewitness described it as “similar to watching Alan Brazil climaxing over a badger’s face”.

Graham Coxon blows monkeys
Any excuse for a picture of Kate Ashfield

It’s the top 100 film stars on Channel 4 tonight and Pear Harbour can yet again bring you an exclusive! We can reveal that the top 3 are:
1. Kate Ashfield
2. James Lance
3. Mark Addy
73. Michael Sheen

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