BREAKING MOVIE NEWS

SWEET JESUS CHRIST!
Double chin caused by too many Puka Pies

The film world has been rocked today with the news that criminally insane actress Kate Beckinsale has murdered the entire royal family. The 'One Against the Wind' star broke into the palace with a sponge and a rusty spanner. The Queen remarked "Ey, I know you and you cannot act", to which the actress replied "thats nothing, you should hear me play piano". The Poor Mans Kelly McGillis proceded to violently kill all of the royals before being dragged away, claming she acted on behalf of the "Peoples Front for the Liberation of Nottinghamshire"

Sean Penn's Brother Brawls With Midget
Is that Shaun Ryder?

Yet again, this is a genuine movie news headline from the IMDb. If they keep getting stories as great as this one, and last weeks "Burton's Willy Wonker Dilemma", I may as well give up. Just imagine the scene. Chris Penn. A Midget. Locked in hand to hand combat. Now is it just me, or is that the funniest thing you've ever seen?
Tom Cruise was unhurt after the altercation with Penn.

I Know Its Over

I'm running out of stories to run about Kate Ashfield. And that means no more Ashfield pics. Help save this Pear Harbour institution by writing to submit a Kate Ashfield story.

Its true that we love one another

As said earlier, Pear Harbour is in serious threat after recent bizzare Holywood goings-ion have rendered its surreality irrelevant. Celebrity analyst James Lance had this to say,
"Recently, a number of celebrity news items have emerged that make you immediately think 'This sounds like Pear Harbour'. Unfortunately for Crouchman, these stories are true and prove that however crazy the world of Pear Harbour is, the real world of Hollywood is even more bizzare. We have weedy rock stars like Jack White, Chris Martin and Royston Langdon shagging glamerous film stars. We have fat actors fighting with midgets. We have kilt wearing leprichauns invading the British Grand Prix. I'm afraid Pear Harbours days are numbered"

I feel the need, the need for fat pay cheques!

It seems Tom Cruise is going right back into the danger zone with the upcoming movie 'Top Gun II - The Midlife Crisis'. In the new film, Top Gun instructor Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell has split from his wife Charlotte 'Charlie' Blackwood. Pete needs to get away from LA so moves to the quiet Norfolk town of Kings Lynn, where he takes a job in the local Safeway, where he meets dashing young man Adam "Adam" Jackson. Maverick takes Jackson under his wing and teaches him to stack the best shelves in the whole of North Norfolk.
I havnt really thought this through have I?

Tragedy!

Faye Dunaway has been stolen! The 'Thomas Crown Affair' star was nabbed from her Hollywood home and was seen being taken away in a red Volkswagon Golf. The "Peoples Front for the Liberation of Nottinghamshire" terrorist organisation are being questioned in connection to the incident.

Patrick Swayze revelation!

Pear Harbour can sensationally reveal that Patrick Swayze does not exist! Scientists have proven that Swayze is infact a figment of our imagination, caused by a chemical called 'Swayzeoxidecanthethomine'. This chemical is brought on by over use of certain hair-sprays.