BREAKING MOVIE NEWS

Indie pop fun
We hate it when our friends become successful

Indie! Its the new Sex/ Gardening/ Rock n Roll!
It seems like the sexy starletts of Hollywood are going indie pop mad! Both Julia Stiles and Kirsten Dunst have been spotted wearing Smiths shirts, and Dunst admitted in a recent interview with Esquire that she is a fan of uber-indie popstrels The Postal Service. Meanwhile, Eva Mendes of 2 Fast 2 Furious fame has also declared her love for Scottish library-pop Gods Belle & Sebastian. Even the lovely Michelle 'Lassie 2' Williams recently revealed her love for art rock when she said in an interview that "Spiritulized and Clinic are nice". Whatever next?! Kevin Shields writing the score for a Sofia Coppola film?

Lee targeted by furious lesbians

You may have seen this recent headline on the IMDb. What you did not read is that it actually relates to the new series Celebrity Lesbian Death Match 2 with Andrew Lincoln. In the show, a group of angry and hormonal lesbians are given rifles and told to kill (the show uses the word 'Clense') all Afro-American film directors. Controversial!

Lohan linked to Farrell
Stop it. Now

Paedophiles dream Lindsey Lohan has been linked to Colin Farrell with a big chain. She will have to endure going to pubs, strip clubs and Shelbourne United matches until she is un-chained three months from now. Gutted, especially considering she's a St Pats fan.

Porky
"Lookin' good..."

Ben Affleck has sensationally revealed that he is to become the public face of Pork Pies. The new advert, which will not be shown until after the watershead, will feature Affleck cavorting with an attractive young lady, before interrupting his love-making to chomp on a pork pie. The advert climaxes with Ben saying, "Pork Pies, you know it makes sense" to the strains of 'Close to Me' by The Cure. Hell yeah!

Beckinsale's academic dream
Kate spots last weeks pot noodle

Nottingham Forest supporter, extremely thin person, 'Sophie Crouchman lookalike' (me neither), genuine Kinks fan and all round great gal Katherine Ingrid Beckinsale has made clear her intentions to return to University. When she was 20 Beckinsale dropped out of a three year degree studying Film and Literature at Sheffield Hallam to concentrate on her football career, but now wants to complete the course. Says Becksie, "The prospect of watching a silent film at 9 in the morning after going to a pub quiz the night before is much more alluring than Hollywood". Pear Harbour has one piece of advice kiddo... avoid James and his weirdo friend with the lanky hair.

Controversial
Oh dear

Someone call the Daily Mail! Its political correctness gone mad! Christmas has been cancelled by bloody faceless beaurocrats! St Clooney's school in Birkenhead has been forced to abandon its Christmas party after some pinko lefties took offence to the children's game 'Paki bashing', which involves small children throwing stones at the school's Asian contingent. Headmaster Matt Damon said, "I really think James should take this story down before he gets in trouble". Thats what satire is about my friend, pushing the boundries. I'm hardcore.

Celebrity puking
Shufdafuckinbuggeritahhrc'monlester

Colin James Farrel was seen leaving the infamous 'Devonshire Cat' celebrity club in Sheffield on Friday the 11th of December, much the worse for wear after drinking 8 and half pints. Thankfully, his friend Andrew was there to carry him home, where he was greeted by a bunch of laughing pricks who think its funny to abuse the inebriated. Bastards.




Just a bit more news

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'Michelle Williams' indie club' will be appearing soon!

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