BREAKING MOVIE NEWS


If She Could Turn Back Time
Tragically weird faced pop-star Cher has talked for the first time about her battles with her bizarre features. In an exclusive interview with Pear Harbour, Cher spoke about the cause of her pain. She said, “Gene Simmonds came at me from behind in 1983, and then the wind changed. I’ve been like this ever since.”



Celebrity Communist Deathmatch with Patrick Kielty
The full quarter final draw for this season’s Celebrity Communist Deathmatch has been made. The draw is as follows:
George ‘Looney’ Clooney or Robert ‘Quiff Boy’ Redford vs. Julie ‘Linford’ Christie.
Tim ‘Mark’ Robbins vs. Sean ‘Ball Point’ Penn (Live on BBC)
Warren ‘Balfour’ Beatty vs. ‘Bruisin’’ Susan Sarandon (Live on ITV)
‘Hanoi’ Jane Fonda vs. Ben ‘Wanker’ Affleck
Odds:
Penn: 5/2 Fav.
Beatty: 3/1
Redford: 11/3
Christie: 9/2
Robbins: 12/1
Affleck 50/1



The Heat is On
That’s right folks, temperatures have soared to record numbers, and London’s community of knobhead celebrities have been feeling the heat. Kate Moss sweated so much, her salty perspiration caused a small tsunami to claim the lives of seven workers in Cardiff bay. Gwyneth Paltrow got so hot under the collar during a recent shopping trip to Peterborough, she fried to death and was eaten by a bunch of hungry orphan kids from nearby Ely. Victoria Beckham simply melted.



P Diddy for President?
Well? Well? WELL??



Blog-tacular!
It seems the word has gone blogging crazy, and, as ever, Pear Harbour is at the forefront of technical innovations. We have signed Shopping star Jude 'Thats the' Law to write an exlcusive blog. Here are some extracts to wet your appetite...
June 23rd - Watched the World Cup, but it was rubbish. Then I watched Deal or No Deal (I like to call it DOND). The girl on it was quite fit, so I had a wank. Noel said she was going to win 250,000, but she didnt. They never do. The idiot.
June 25th - Thought about calling Sienna. Called my agent instead about getting a part for Carry on London. He called back five minutes later saying they went with Bradley Walsh. The bastard.
July 1st - Went over Rhys Ifans house to watch the England match and have a BBQ. We had group sex with some unemployed fifty year olds, it was great. They started crying after. Then I had an argument about the sausages with him, and I left.



Don't sue! I'm poor!!
Wacky sunflower inpersonater 'Late' Kate Beckinsale has been speaking of the wonderful family life that she enoys with her husband and child. Says Becksie: "I still make sure [name removed for legal reasons] gets to see her father, Michael. Infact, he often accompanies me and Leonard on family outings. Some guy I shagged at Uni comes too. I think his names Colin. And some bloke who finger banged me at a sleepover in Year 11 joined us. And this guy who spoke to me on the tube yesterday. It's important for [name removed for legal reasons] to keep in contact with them all. Its perfectly normal..."
Yeah whatever love.


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