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| BOOOOONG-“Human Male Support.” “Thank you for calling Human Male Support, my name is Rob, may I have your phone number starting with your area code, please?” “9735552390-“ “Um, could I have that again, a little slower?” “Oh, I’m sorry. Nine seven three…” “Nine seven three…” “Five five five…” “Five five five…” “Two three nine oh.” “Two three nine oh. And your last name.” “Doe. Jane Doe.” “Doe…Jane…One moment.” “Okay.” “Annnnnnnnd… How can I help you today, Jane?” “Well, my boyfriend’s frozen up.” “’Frozen up?’” “Yeah, he’s totally locked up. He won’t do anything.” “Has he given you any indication why?” “No, he’s totally frozen up. He, like, won’t move at all.” “Did you get an error message?” “An error message?” “You know, like, ‘Fatal Error in WhatsThatSupposedToMean.dll,’ or ‘Invalid Page Fault in Module OhLikeYouDontKnow.exe?’” “No, nothing like that. He just totally locked up.” “Are you in front of him right now?” “Yes.” “Okay, good. Where are you?” “At home.” “Are his eyes open? He could be asleep.” “No--I mean, yeah, his eyes are open, so he’s not asleep.” “Are you sure? Maybe he sleeps with his eyes open.” “You don’t understand--this just happened. He wasn’t like this a few minutes ago. He’s still holding a piece of toast he was about to put in his mouth. We’re at the kitchen table.” “About what?” “You know, relationship stuff.” “Did Love come up?” “Yeah, but I don’t think that had anything to do with it.” “What did you discuss?” “I told him I loved him, he told me he loved me.” “Is that when the problem happened?” “Yeah. Soon after.” “Hmmm.” “Yeah, I’m stumped, too.” “Well, I was thinking he might need an upgrade.” |
| By Rob Matsushita |
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