It's now Sunday, eight minutes past midnight to be exact.  Actually, if I'm to be exact, then I guess it's really Monday morning.  So why am I putting this damn thing on the web?  I've tried justifying it myself.  Maybe I want to open up to people, maybe I just want something to do with my time.  I think my life is filled with too many maybes.  In a way, I don't actually want to put this here, but at the same time, I feel that I should.  Maybe it's another one of those mistakes that I'll end up regretting later, but I'm hoping that it won't be.
I could tell you what I've done with my week, my seemingly endless hours of work, driving home every night to follow the same routine of feeding the dogs, staying out with them, making sure the puppies are ok.  Locking them up for the night.  Coming in, getting washed, having dinner, checking my email and going to bed.  Yes, I could go into great detail about it all I'm sure, but what would be the point.  Pretty boring diary if I did, I mean, it would be the same every night and day, you could just read it once and never have to read it again.  I won't pretend to you that I have an exciting life, I don't, in fact what I have, most people wouldn't even call a life, but my upbringing has taught me something.  You have to accept what your given.  I'm not saying that you shouldn't strive for more, but it's no use complaining about what you have unless your actually planning to do something about it.
Somethings I'm willing to talk about, others..........  not yet, but they will come.  It's hard for me to imagine, but I've been on the internet now for over two years.  I've met over a hundred differant people on the internet and yet, only a few have I know from the first days.  Some friendships have definatly been more successfull then others.  I try to imagine where all the time has gone, I try to imagine what my friends all over the world are doing at this moment.  One I know is probably either going to go rollarblading again or take a swim in the pool.  ?:O)  I've tried to be a good friend to people, I know that some people feel afraid of getting this close to a person on the internet, some just want it to be like a penfriend deal.  Personally, I actually don't care what they want from that end of things, all I want to be able to do is make them smile when they talk with me.  Make them have a good time.  I need them to think that I'm a nice person, if they think it, then maybe I'll think I am too.  Anyone that knows me, I mean truely knows me, and there's not many that do, will actually know that I really am a nice person.  But like most nice people in this life, that means that other think they can walk all over you.  And I have to agree, for the most part it's true.  I spent my life been walked on, treated badly, it's been worse then that I know, but that's as far as I go.  If I could do it all again?  I wish I could change things, but if I was given a chance, I wouldn't.  My life made me who I am today, and although it's been an uphill struggle all the way, I sometimes think that it might have actually paid off.
sometimes...........
I used to feel sorry for myself, but not anymore.  I realised that there was no point, so I started feeling sorry for others.  Then I realised that there was no point to this either.  Don't give a person your pity, give them a helping hand for crying out loud.  Christ I shouldn't have talked about Bailey's Irish Cream Hagaan Daas earlier, I would LOVE some right now.  I talked to a friend earlier on about icecream, I told them about my passion for Hagaan Daas, actually that made me very happy, "well, I've never tried that Baileys type but if you recommend it then I'll look out for it next time I go and get grocceries :-)". It's the little things like that which make me feel good.  When someone actually listens to you, when it feels like someone actually values your opinions, then  you feel like you matter.  It made me feel like that I was actually being treated as an equal, but this time it was my own fault, I was the one who placed them on such a high pedastle.  For just a brief few seconds they brought me up there with them and showed me the view, and for the first time in my life, I was no longer afraid of heights.  Spiders?  Well hell, I'll always be terrified of them things!  ?:O)

Ian H. Moore
27th......... sorry, 28th Febuary 2000
Just about to head to bed!