The Personal Diary
Of
Ian H. Moore
For March 05

Ian Takes An Alien Abduction
Test!
OK, first of all, let me set the record straight,
I'm not a nutball, I don't believe that I've been kidnapped by Elvis loving
aliens who created BATBOY!!! It's just that we were messing around
in work a couple of days back and we stumbled accross a website that had
an Alien Abduction test. Now, I'm all for the open minded scientific
study of the paranormal and extrateresstial. However, when I reached
the second page and saw their ad for "Pyschic Healing to remove Alien Implants"
I knew that it was another sad sad con to take the easily leds money away
from them. I mean, it's terrible, we live in a society were there
are people with a real fear of Aliens and ghosts due to their psychological
problems, and what does society do?? We prey on them, we take their
money, we use their fears against them.
How much does this so called Pyshic healing cost?
Evaluations: three (3) maximum
A combination of e-mail and telephone
Free
How nice of them, they let you email them and
phone them for free!!! Three times!!!
Spirit Releasement (entities, ghosts)
$65
It's amazing what you can do on the phone these
days, I mean, that's right, they do all this over the phone providing you've
sent them a cheque for your appointment!
Implant Removal or Deactivation: Greys/Zeta
$65
Now are aliens are Segragated, we are now living
in a world with Alien Rascists!!!! Does this mean the Klu Klux Klan
of the future will be wearing Tin foil and TV ariels on their head???
Personally I'm not rascist, but I guess I am prejeduce, cause I am very
much against the KKK and what they supposedly stand for. Mind you,
I think they would be great in the army!!!! The Army always need
something to target practice on.............. ?:O)
Implant Removal or Deactivation: Reptilian
$95
You see, the reptilian Aliens are a lot differant
from the Greys and the Zeta's, so they have to charge a bit extra for that
service. You see, the Reptilian implants are running an alpha version
of Windows 2000 and there is a small chance that it could crash and create
a black hole in your anus, which might suck the family cat up there, and
that wouldn't be very nice now would it? As a result of this, Microsoft
has been issuing frequent updates on all their anal probes running the
Windows 2000 software. This explains the frequent multiple alien alan probes
experianced by abductee's. Since Microsoft charge money for all of these
updates, and since most Alien Abductee's are unaware they have ever been
abducted, the general public will find themselves screwed up the ass at
various stages by Microsoft by having to purchase upgrades for their software!
?:OP
Fans of the X-Files will know all about the "Black
Ops" theory, and how the government is trying to keep UFO's hushed up.
We've been told that it's a bad thing, keeping the truth from the public.
Personally, if keeping the truth from the public stopped money hungry liars,
fruads and cheats, preying upon innocent victems, then I can see nothing
wrong with this. Did it ever occur to anyone that if this was really
happening, that it was for our own good? Besides, other then a funny walk
for a few days, what harm could it possibly do?
There you go, that's my big rant and rave.
There may be something "unknown" in our universe, but I can assure you,
it has a perfectly good scientific explination, just because we don't understand
it, doesn't mean that we never will.
Anyway, Lets see the results of Ian's "Have
you been Abucted by Aliens?" test shall
we?
Here are the questions, they asked for a yes or
no answer and I will state now, I ANSWERED TRUTHFULLY TO EVERY QUESTION!!!
Having said that, I'm taking the time to insert my own smart ass remarks
now! I'm also helping you by giving you a rough transalation of the
questions!
1. Do you take more vitamins than most people?
In other words, are you a total drug freak
or a hypochondriac?
No, I don't need to take drugs, I'm always this
damn wierd!!!!!
2. Do you have sinus trouble or migraine headaches?
Does you drug taking result in burst blood
vessals in your nose, or ruptures in your frontal poriatal lobe in your
brain?
Yes, Actually I live in Ireland, so the
weather is always damp here, so I always have the sniffles at some time
or another.
3. Do you feel you are psychic?
Can you heal people over a telephone line
like we can? If so, we may just want to recruit you, if we can't,
we'll just convince you that your nuts and charge you for our "Special
Pyschic Help"
No, I may be pyschotic, but definatly not pyschic!
4. Do you secretly feel you are special or
chosen?
Have you watched a copy of The Matrix recently
and suddenly feel that your "The One" because your someone who's life is
so boring that you have to invent some sort of escapism to make things
more interesting for you?
No, The only thing I would get chosen for is being
the person who gets left behind cause there's not enough room on the bus
and they know I'm the only one who won't complain about walking home.
I happen to like walking and think that it's great excercise.
5. Do you secretly fear being accosted or kidnapped
if you do not constantly monitor your surroundings?
Are you a paranoid dissillusioned fool who
might also suffer from bouts of schizophrenia?
No, and I wouldn't think I was paranoid at all
if I didn't know for a fact that everyone is out to get me.
6. Do you have trouble sleeping through the
night for unexplainable reasons?
Does your caffine drinking induce short term
psychosis coupled with insommnia?
Yes, oh well come on, face it, I COULDN'T be perfect!!!!!!!!!!!
Besides, what better way to sleep then drinking 10 bottle of Dr Pepper
before bedtime right?
7. Have you seriously considered or did you
install a security system for your home even if there was no justification?
Are you one of these wierd wackos who thinks
that the end of the world is coming, Do you have a bomb shelter in your
basement? Do you have a room full of rifles and hand guns?
Can you make your own explosives?
No, I have no security system........... oh damn,
that was a trick question cause they want to burgle my house.......
damn........... Oh well, just remember, this is Ireland, we have
a little thing here called the I.rish R. eaders A. ssociation, or IRA for
short. So as for owning a room full of guns and being able to make
your own explosives, doesn't every Irish Family???? So go ahead,
burgle my house and see what happens to ya!!!!!!!!!!!
8. Do you have dreams of flying or being outside
your body?
Actually, we KNOW that you have these dreams
because EVERYONE has these dreams, but we think that if you say yes, you
will believe that you were kidnapped by aliens and give us your money!!
Yes, like I said, everyone has these dreams at
least once in their lives, you would be abnormal if you didn't. So
anyone who says no............ GET OUT OF HERE YOU FREAKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
?:OP
9. Do you dream about seeing UFOs, being inside
UFOs, or interacting with UFO occupants?
Are you a totall bloody looney by any chance?
It would really make our jobs easier!
No, I mean honestly now, ever hear of lucid dreaming?
It's where you can have some degree of control over what you dream.
It's actually very very easy to do, so just why on earth would I want to
dream about UFO's???
10. As a child or teenager, was there a special
place you secretly believed held a spiritual meaning just for you?
Were you a pretty sick lonely and reclusive
child who came from a broken home and has grown up with dependancy and
gender confusion issues?
No, I lived in a small house in an estate, I hardly
think that the local supermarket or the sewarge drainage system would be........
spiritual!!!
11. As a child or adult, did you ever hear
a voice inside your head talking to you which wasn't your own?
OH ok, do I even need to make a comment about
the voices in your head question????
No, all the voices in my head were expert impressionists,
so they all used my voice!!!!!!!!! ha ha ha
12. Did you ever experience a period of time
while awake where you could not remember what you had done during that
period of time? This missing time may have been a half hour, several hours,
a whole day or more. Do not answer "yes" for memory lapses due to highway
driving, drinking binges, chronic pain, medical conditions, exhaustion,
effects of medication, mind-altering substances, or being lost in reading
a good book.
Do you have Alziamers disease? Can we
charge you twice or three times without you remembering it?
Yes, and it's actually not from Irish Drink Binges.
I have the worst memory around, ask me what I was doing today 5 years ago
and I'll be able to tell you, but ask me what I did 5 mins ago, and I won't
remember a thing. It's called BEING A MALE!!!!!!!! And every
woman will tell you that men have terrible memories, especially when it
comes to Birthdays, Anniverserys, Remembering to put the toilet seat back
down........... etc.
13. As a child or adult, have you seen faces
or beings near you when in bed which were not explainable?
Were you sexually abused as a child resulting
in some buried memories which we can bring out by regression therapy and
convince you that they were alien in origin?
Yes, oh of course I remember strange people at
the end of my bed, of course they are hard to explain, after all......
HOW MANY DAMN YEARS AGO WAS THAT?????? No one is going to remember
every detail about their childhood, but hey, with a little bit of help,
we can blame it on those nasty aliens!!!
14. Have you ever seen a UFO?
Can we make a head start on your rip off........
I mean........... Therapy?
Yes!!!! Let me state, a UFO stands for Unidentified
Flying Object. This is not the same as FLYING SAUCER, ALIEN SPACE
SHIP, or LITTLE GREEN MEN IN THE SKY WITH JETPACKS!!!!!!!!
A UFO is a flying object that you cannot identify. Just because you
can't identify it, doesn't mean that it's alien!!! Weather ballons,
Kites, Aircraft, Blimps, they are all commen flying objects, but on a cloudy,
misty or even a very hot warm day with clear skies, they can all be UNIDENTIFIABLE!!!!!!!!!!
I have seen things in the sky that I can't Identify, sure! But I'm
not an air traffic Controler, so I'm not surprised I couldn't identify
them!!
15. Have you ever seen a UFO up close within
short walking or driving distance?
Are you a complete nutball who's willing
to go as far as we want, and able to pay as much as we demand?
Yes, I have seen a UFO in walking or driving distance,
if it was any further I wouldn't have been able to see it!!!! It
still doesn't mean that it was Alien, it could have been ANYTHING!!!!!!!
A reflection of lights on a low cloub bank for instance. There is
always an explination!
16. If you have seen a UFO up close, were you
strongly compelled to walk, drive or stand near it?
Are you the poor fool who thinks that their
mind was controled by an "Alien Entity" telling you to come to them?
Yes, of course I wanted to get close to it, I
wanted to find out what it was, I wanted to IDENTIFY it. It's called
Curiosity fueled by perfectly normal human nature!
17. Do you have a waking memory of being inside
a UFO or interacting with its occupants?
Are you a total looney that we have no work
to do on at all, can you in fact just send us your money now and save us
both a lot of time and effort?
No, but what happens if I was by the sea and a
big pyramid shaped submarine came along, filled with little purple men
with five heads and we all had a pint together? Would that count?
I mean, technically it would have been a USV (an unidentified submersible
vehical)
18. Do you feel fear or anxiety over the subject
of aliens or UFOs?
Are you a paranoid fool who thinks that the
government is watching thier movements and listening to their conversations
when ever you mention the key words "UFO, ALIENS, MEN IN BLACK, PRESIDENT
CLINTON IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH THE WHITEHOUSE CAT"
No, not at all, in fact some of my best friends
are aliens and on the weekends we like to go out flying around Saturn and
double parking outside of the asteroid belt.
19. Have you had multiple sightings of UFOs?
Have you hullicinated more then once?
Yes, like I said, I'm not an air traffic controler,
so a lot of the things I see in the sky are unidentified. More educated
people would be able to explain them I'm sure.
20. Are you more sensitive to issues affecting
the earth, its environment and all life forms than other people?
Are you a bloomin tree hugger?
Yes, personally I have great respect for the enviroment
and I really think that people should pay more attention to it. This
is how everyone should be, at least that way, we could all do our bit to
make the world a better place. Hey, I'm Irish, I enjoy the beauty
of nature.
21. Do you have dreams where superior beings,
angels, or aliens are educating you about mankind, the universe, global
changes or future events?
Are you nuts?
No, I'm Irish, which funnily enough sometimes
get's mistaken for nuts...................
22. Does your home have unexplainable sounds,
apparitions, or unusual events which are attributed to ghosts?
Do you hullicinate on a regular basis?
Yes, a lot of things happen in my house that COULD
be attribute to paranormal forces. But I don't think that ghost is
the right word. There is a perfectly scientific explination for apparitions,
paranormal events and other such things. I don't believe in the classic
definition of ghosts, but I do believe that there is something there.
In fact, scientific research has proven that most paranormal events are
actually created by the people living in the house at the time. This
was proven in the very well documented case of "The Bulter Ghost"
Were the british paranormal research society, decided to invent a ghost,
and then had a seance to contact this ghost. Viola, it worked, proving
that it's all in your head!
23. As a child or adult, have you had nosebleeds
or found blood stains on your pillow for unexplainable reasons?
Do you suffer from brain tumors, anurisms
or other such deformities of the brain that could make you hullicinate?
Yes, admitidly, I should have gone to the docters
and had it checked out, but hey, if its serious and I die from it, then
it was a waste of time going to the docters!!!
24. Have x-rays or other procedures revealed
unexplainable foreign objects lodged in your body?
Are you gay? Do you have any explicit
sexual tendancies that we can blackmail you over to get more money out
of you?
No, I have had no "Foreign" objects lodged in
my body, mind you, I have done a little lodging of my own at times, but
they were all very special to me and I have no desire to discuss them here.
25. Have you awakened to discover unexplainable
marks or bruises on your body?
Don't those handcuffs really really chaff?
Yes, mind you, I also have them when I'm wide
awake too. It's called BEING A MALE!!!!! And as I'm sure every
female will tell you, Men can be very very clumsy at times and yes, handcuffs
do really really chaff............ ?:OP
26. Your age:
We need to know if your old enough to have
a credit card!
20 - 29
27. Your gender:
We're very very very very sexist, besides,
we can convince young single and susceptible females to come to our special
group therapy session were some of you "Specialist" docters will give you
a full physical and Spiritual examination!
Male
28. Your ethnicity:
We're also all racist pigs, only the superior
white race would be visited by aliens, but then again, all money is the
same colour to us, so send it anyway!
White, although, since I'm Irish, we technically
consider ourselves to be........... green...................
When you are done, click the "Score Me" button
next.
11-15 "Yes" answers: Your score indicates a
suspicious number of events in your background commonly experienced by
other abductees. You may want to explore the abduction possibility further.
Holy cow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I better sign up
right away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What's that phone number??? Damn,
something just happened with my Anus, there was a band, next thing know
the family dog was stuck up there............. What the hell is an
"internal application crash in windows 2000 kernal" anyway?
One thing you don't want to hear
an Alien say after your Anal Probe
"Hey, Anyone see where I left my
wristwatch???????"
********IMPORTANT PUBLIC APOLOGY
TO MEMBERS OF THE PSYCHIC HEALING COMMUNITY*********
I would like to take this time to apologise to
all the members of the Pyschic healing community that I might have insulted
and to the way they have been represented on this homepage. It was
never my intention to imply that Pyschic healers are just weak kneed money
hungry vultures who are more concerned with increasing the size of their
bank accounts then actually helping members of the public in anyway whatsoever.
Or to suggest at any point, that they sacrifice their credibilty by offering
to cure people by use of a telephone line without any medical knowledge
whatsoever, in the mistaken belief that they can effectivly cure somebody
by thinking very very hard about it. Nor to imply at any stage, that
they are squabbaling little toaddies without an ounce of concern for the
vital physical and mental problems experianced by today's society.
Nor do I consider that viewers of this webpage should consider them to
be ulcerous self seeking crabby little vermin with furry legs and an excessive
addiction alcholic beverages and explicit sexual practices which some people
would find offensive.
I am very sorry if this impression has come accross.
Ian H. Moore
?:OP
Ian H. Moore
March 05 2000
About to be kidnapped by aliens!
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