Communication For Couples

Create a context in which your partner can feel free to share feelings, thoughts, fantasies, hurts, and complaints, without the fear that you will condemn, attack, lecture, or simply withdraw.

  • We tend to be as critical of others as we are of ourselves.
  • Know that you have a right to your feelings as others have a right to theirs.
  • Working on a relationship always begins with working on ourselves. Try not to blame all of the relational problems on your partner. Remember, you only have control over changing yourself, not others, and the temptation is to blame others for our problems.
  • Don't rush yourself into sharing emotionally painful information. Sometimes it's best to write out your concerns in private then share them with your partner at a later time.

Constructive Criticism

When Criticizing Others...

  • Make your comments specific.
    • Attempt to provide the person with some valuable information.
    • Help them to understand exactly what needs to change.
  • Be sure the criticized behavior can be changed.
    • If the person can do nothing about the problem, you will probably just make things worse by being critical of it.
  • Use assertive communication.
    • Speak calmly and try not to let your emotions dictate the conversation.
    • Try not to shame, humiliate, or blame the person.
  • Give the person a reason to change.
    • Inform them of any benefits which might come out of acting on your suggestions.
  • Time your criticisms well.
    • Avoid criticizing someone in public.
    • Wait until the person is in a reasonably good mood.
  • View constructive criticism as feedback not punishment.
    • Positive change should be your goal.