End of
Days
Directed
by Peter Hyams
Written
by Andrew W. Marlowe
Starring
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gabriel Byrne, Robin Tunney, Kevin Pollak, CCH Pounder,
and Rod Steiger
121
minutes. Rated R. Original aspect ratio: 2.35:1. 1999.
In this corner: Arnold Schwarzenegger as a disgruntled ex-cop, who now
works for a high-tech security force.
In the
opposite corner: Gabriel Byrne as the devil.
The prize:
Robin Tunney (who I've never seen before, but who's good-looking enough
to be quite a prize).
The movie:
The fun but silly End of Days, in which everyone's favorite gun-toting
Austrian fights to protect not only the lovely Tunney, but to prevent the
apocalypse as well. Whatta guy.
In this
end-of-the-millennium action-thriller, we learn that every thousand years
Satan comes to Earth to get his groove on with a chick who's been pre-chosen
to sire his child and bring about the end of days. Tunney (The Craft),
it seems, had the bad luck of being born when the stars were just
right, and so she is the chosen one. She's been brought up and 'protected'
by a stepmother who's only task, it seems, is to make sure she's there
when the devil comes a-calling. But as the end of days approaches, Tunney's
days seem numbered as well, thanks not only to her pre-chosen role as Satan's
queen, but thanks also to those who would kill her to prevent the apocalypse.
Enter
Arnold, a man who (surprise, surprise) lost his faith when his wife and
child were murdered. He vows to protect Tunney, from both those who would
kill her and those who would sleep with her, at all costs.
Now,
say it like you mean it! AT ALL COSTS!
<sound
of pistol cocking>
End
of Days, when it comes down to it, is pretty silly. The script is kind
of a mess, cribbing from other, more successful movies of the same nature,
The
Devil's Advocate chief among them. The dialogue is tired and overused,
and you can tell the actors know it. 
Byrne
seems to have fun with his part (his facial expressions are great), but
his speeches come off as pretty weak. Arnold's character is pretty much
a cliché, and the script really doesn't bother to develop him much
at all.
"You're
a fucking choirboy compared to me!" Arnold spits at Byrne.
Go Arnold.
You tell him.
But you
don't go to see End of Days for character development or meaningful
dialogue, you go to see Arnold kick the shit out of the devil! And that's
what you get, for the most part. The climax, which involves a typical "lock
and load" sequence where Arnold grabs a couple guns and a lot of ammo,
then goes off to shoot at a bunch of devil worshippers, is pretty fun.
Indeed, the action sequences are tense and well-done, for the most part.
The director, Peter Hyams (The Relic, 2010) seemed to know what
he was doing there. It's when he tries to mimic Taylor Hackford's elegant
style which helped make The Devil's Advocate such a wonderful film
that End of Days gets obnoxious.
See,
End
of Days tries to hard. If it had just surrendered to itself, surrendered
to the testosterone-pumping action scenes and the great lines like "you're
a fucking choirboy compared to me," then we would have had one kick-ass
Arnold versus Satan movie. But instead the script tries to be philosophical
and meaningful. It doesn't try very hard, but it does, and the effort that
it makes kind of spoils the rest of the film. Who cares that Arnold's lost
his faith? Who cares that Tunney blames herself for everything that's happening?
We just want Arnold to put some shells in some devil worshipers and send
Satan back to Hell, licking his wounds. Which he does. But the ending,
where Arnold finds peace or redemption or faith or some other bull that,
again, we don't care about, kind of leaves you with a bad taste in your
mouth. It's just kind of silly, the way the end of the film plays out.
Cool
effects, though.
Bottom line: Testosterone-pumping fun, but the film just tries to hard
to be something it's not.
My grade:
B -
My advice:
Worth a look, if The Devil's Advocate's already been checked out
at Blockbuster.
Get the movie
poster!
