Hello, I'm bored. This may not be a great surprise as boredom has weighed down mankind since the birth of cricket. The smack of leather on willow, the snoring as England get defeated, the celebration and triumph if we score a run. This is what started off boredom.

  The trend continued in the 19th century with the introduction of quilts. This meant people could stay in bed without getting bored or eating too many bananas. This brought rise to the 'calespian halifax' theory of boredom which recommends a course of blankets and strawberries. The alternative school of thought on the subject runs along the following lines and was first presented in the notoriously boring 'apples and pillows theory'. People are bored so they eat too many pillows and shit apples because it's more interesting. The invention of the quilt stopped this train of thought as people could stay in bed longer. However, the introduction of the alarm clock in 1932 was seen as a backward step and the amount of pillows eaten trembled in that year. Eventually people stopped shitting apples as a great poet, Dr Kapowaz discovered that eating shopping trolleys was more interesting that putting pigs in the bath.

I look forward to further developments on this theory in future correspondence.

Fraser/MrQuilt

P.S. Shoes prevent feet from turning to wax.