DECEMBER28,`04@638Pm []
i can hear: "MY B00" by: Passion
mood: shopped out
hey there. is been so L0NG since i've written in here but anyways just thought it would be nice to update. na'means? is been so damn ancient. but anyways.. i`ve been xtremely busy with love and lust. also with taking care of my mom&babey sister. but they all good it's jes that my mom sometimes needs help because she's very tired with life and all. you know? Like all mothers but my mom is sick so, it's harder for her. but otherwise--everything is good. All I have been doing was keeping up with family my family the MARTIN's are here. Their stay is actually almost over! I don't want them to leave. This time has been the best they've been here. I mean, i love having my family around! but anyways,... its hard having them far away from us. They live SC, california.. not south caroLina but yea.. wells, today i went shopping at walmart.. =) i got me a Louis Votton wallet for xmas from my auntie joy. but yeah, i also got a Gift Certificate from MAUI TR0PiX. i <3 the gifts this year. BUt anyways, I have to bounce on out. ♥ashababa.

DECEMBER04,`04@702pm []
i can hear: siLence
mood: irked out. i wanna go home
pLuged: sweet-divine • acerz • sweet-serenity • JAS0N&AMBiE
shiet, i'm so irked out right now. i fukken wanna go home DAYUM!!!! but anyways,.. yeah i just got hooked up with a cam portaL pLace thing.. hahha,.. but yeah. my classmate SHANE & his girlfriend TESS had their son. =) beautifuL baby boy "shates kenneth shishido del castillo" i'm not too sure when he was born but dam he's a cute baby =) wells, what else news do i have? ahemm,.. umm.. my friend AMBER is about to have her baby.. should be any day now!! i'm gonna be an auntie!! yeas,! but anyways i have to sign on out now.. i just started me a new live journal.. and another thing... HAPPY BiRTHDAY, SISTER TIERA i L0VE Y0U!

N0VEMBER28,`04@207am []
i can hear: jon watching tv.
mood: tired
yeas, i'm very sleepy at this moment at hour. damn, it's two in the morning already but then yesterday when we arrived home from kapa'a i took a shower and then fell asleep i'd say around quarter to sixPM and then woke up at twelve something then went back to bed and then woke up in the morning rise at 12pm. hahah, good sleep ah i had.. oh wait gotta count the time i woke up at 10am then again at 12pm. dayumm,.. oh HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY, JALYN!! yeas, yesterday or i should say the day before on the 26th was my friendJalyn's birthday. She's in the Philippines!! haha not too sure when she'll be back. but anyways,.. i miss her. she was naughty here i bet she's a bit naughtier there. well, anyways.. i wanna go xmas shopping but i ain't got money this year. shucks, when i go home i'm gonna go find me a job. to pay for bills & xmas gifts not too sure if i'll give out gifts this year maybe next year. don't have the money yet to actually go shopping for anyone. wells, anyways-- i already feel the love from xmas because today me and my hubbie got stuck watching xmas movies on the hallmark channel good yeah.. i love watching xmas movies. but yeah, that use to bring me back to the days when me and my uncle use to sit in the front of the tv for hours watching funny xmas shows. but, ahh this year should bring us back. unlike last year spent xmas on kauai. wells, anyways me gotsta bounce on out already. getting bored already blogging. love anyways..

N0VEMBER26,`04@250am []
i can hear: silence
mood: tired
hey people. yeas, it's I? finally able to go onto a computer. yeas, i'm at my boyfriend's brothers house. umm.. just wanted to blog. jes' felt like it anyways. hehe, happy thanksgiving!! wells, just got through myspace. saw a bulletin from a "friend" of mine off my myspace and i just found out that MYSPACE.com was on the news for teens getting asked to have sex and shiet and like old guys telling young girls to get fake ID's to get into the clubs and what not.. and yeas, i'm not doubting that that's not true either but then.. myspace has brought a lot of the "far away" people like that you've known for generations and it's like c'mon people that's a place for friends not for sexual harrassers. jeezness, but i must say myspace can be a very bad place for teens. Especially, them horney youngin's. but anyways, how was you're thanksgiving? well, I met my dad today. Haven't met him in a long time but me&jon went to eat dinner at my grandma's house. Mayn, talk about long distance relationship with father. Anyhoos,.. yeah felt a little weird but ahh. well before we went to the dinner me, jon, brian, the kids went fishing. we were going through like the back roads and shit and my nephew's dog bit the hook from the fishing pole talk about poor thang. that damn dog was cryin but if my boyfriend wasn't there that damn dog would've been rushed to like the vet hospital or something. was tripps. but scary at the same time. but anyways,.. just wanted to say things like updates in my life. anyways, i love my boyfriend!!

N0VEMBER22,`04@928am []
i can hear: "MARY'S B0y CHiLD" by Malino
mood: sick & xcited
HEY GUYS!! here`s my very temporary haitus. proLLy Last note. but wiLL be back soon not quite sure. because, i might end up staying a LittLe Longer because a funeral might take affect soon. REMINDER: N0VEMBER 13, 2004 death of a FUNNY&L0VING MAN!! i L0ve y0u, uncLe gavin!! you`ll be missed. anyways,.. yeah!! yesterday, went on a lil shopping spree a very LIL one.. Lemme tell you... hahah well went earLy morning to drop off my boxes to my mothers house to put in the storage.. ate a very yummy "taco saLad" from FERNAND0`s in Kihei. And then, I went to Kahului with Grandma Ling, Grandpa Leo, Uncle Marik, and baby sister Shelby!! we first went to Ka'ahumanu shopping center--i bought this thing for my mom it's a therapy thing.. Then went to AIN0KEA uncle Marik bought me a tanktop =) and then afterwards we went to MAUI TR0PIX where grandma Ling bought me one t-shirt B0RN&RAiSED yeas MAUi BUiLT SAiD! hahaha.. wells, I hafta go.. because I need to get ready!! yeas yeas yeas!! oh and to my girL, dee--sweetie you need to gear up and kick that fakka's ass.. I swear it you don't deserve to be hurt kays? because it`s like you`ve loved this guy with everything in your own intensions and comes to find out he DID end up using and abusing his privilege of love for you.. you know? it's like he only was "fucking" around mainly!! gottah, be STRONG hun! anyways,.. i love you in whatever you decide i'll be there for you. =) i love you ma. I MiSS MY B0YFRiEND!

N0VEMBER20,`04@152pm []
i can hear: "MiSSiNG Y0U" from my xanga
mood: sick
well, people.. just thought i`d begin to blog here more often.. well at least i`m trying to. but, i`ll be on haitus after this. i might bLog a few more times and i`ll go on temp. haitus. i`m going on a little trip. wells, yeah.. lately i`ve been thinking of the ones that are cLose to my heart.. that might be alive or with the lord. and i miss them a lot. like you see my entry beLow was to my auntie riss. a lot of people don`t know exactly what i`m feeling or what goes through my head when i think of her. she`s been sick for awhile but she never showed it. she always took good care of herself then one day the lord says it's your time! i wish that didn`t have to come so soon but everyone has to leave sometime. i wish it didn`t have to be her that`s all. i`ve watched my cousin`s lose their parents [so far, god forbids, it`s been one of their parents] and they`ve seen their mom become sick and now it`s my turn. i`m watching my mom lay in bed wondering what`s going on in that body of hers to make her become that way. i`ve lost a lot of people in my life and god knows, i cannot lose my mom. i`ve been always praying to save my moms life. but a simply prayer can only go so far.. my mom needs to be healed. a lot of you might be thinking "don't worry ash.. she'll be okay" tell me that now but i don`t believe you. i`ll end up waiting until it happens when she`s all happy and able to walk again. thats when i`ll believe.. right now, all i can do is pray, and be there for her! there are days when i think back and reminisce on pictures--kodak memories that melt my heart with laughter. laughter that one day will become a full graceful thought and scene of my mom happy & healthy again. bringing me shopping or me and her eating lunch together like we always do. see, a lot of you might be thinking to yourself and wanting to tell me "ash don't think like this, don't talk like that, or don't even speak as if she's dead" guys, you don't know how it feels like i said to actually see your mom sick.. i have to sit here and watch her be sick when all the doctors do is keep telling her "we'll give you a call and set up a meeting to let you know when your dialysis is gonna start" what the fuck are you waiting for doc? her to get worse.. c'mon people open your fucken eyes you`re freak'n dealing with real lives here. STUPID ASSES!! you guys might be thinking that why i'm talking like this and calling me crazy.. well, what i feel is what i say.. when i say i should be thinking positive i do but when you're watching your own parent sick & laying in bed sleeping all the time you know deep in your heart something is wrong. all i can do is reminisce on those times that she was better. my mom doesn't have the energy like most parents, especially like yours.. she tries to hide her true colors! that's hard.. i know when she's in pain and i know she's suffering but yet she pulls a big front before my eyes and i cannot stand it. ppL, i need your prayers.. prayers of my mom`s sake..for those who already know me should know what i`m going through and please keep your prayers alive for me & my family. that my mom will be fine & healed by your prayers & by the lord. tenx.

N0VEMBER18,`04@412pm []
HAPPY BiRTHDAY,AUNTIE MARISSA
AB0UT 7 M0NTHS AG0, i L0ST A VERY BiG PART 0F MY LiFE. i TRY N0T T0 CRY 0F HER ALL THE TiME BUT i CANN0T HELP iT.. iT'S LiKE L0SiNG A 2ND M0THER T0 ME. SHE WAS CL0SE T0 MY M0M & SHE L0VED MY SiSTER AL0NG T00. SHE`D D0 A L0T F0R MY M0M & SiSTER WHiLE MY SiSTER WAS iN THE H0SPiTAL. WHEN, MY M0M DiDN'T HAVE STRENGTH AUNTiE RiSS HELPED MADE iT ALiTTLE EASiER. i MiSS HER. i MiSS HER A L0T!! A L0T MEANiNG, WHEN i PRAY T0 THE L0RDS NAME i TALK T0 HER WHiLE iM AT iT. i FiND THE TiME T0 TALK T0 HER WHiLE iM HURT & iN PAiN.. WHEN i CANN0T FiND THE RiGHT FEELiNGS T0 SAY T0 LiKE MY C0USiNS/FRiENDS/FAMiLY i JUST CALL UP0N HER NAME AND TELL HER H0W iM FEELiNG. i CANN0T SEE HER, FEEL HER, HUG HER N0R KiSS HER BUT i KN0W SHE'S LiSTENiNG. SHE WAS A SUPER BiG PART 0F MY LiFE.. AND N0W i CAN 0NLY SPEAK 0F HER NAME. i MiSS HUGGiNG HER/KiSSiNG HER.. G0iNG T0 CHURCH WiTH HER & GRANDMA.. i MiSS HER CALLiNG 0UT MY NAME "ASHAAHLEE" EVERYTiME SHE'D ENTER THE D00R C0MiNG H0ME FR0M W0RK 0R WHEN i'D JUST ARRiVE 0N 0AHU T0 SEE THE FAMiLY.. SHE WAS ALWAYS THERE.. AUNTiE, i L0VE Y0U..

N0VEMBER16,`04@1012pm []
i can hear: the fiLter from the fish tank
mood: sick
hey there people. i might not make this as long all because i'm not feeling to good i'm under the weather! yeas i am sick foLks it sucks ass. haaaa wells anyways picked up my boxes yesterday i'm kinda happy. was it yesterday or was it the other day? ooh no yesterday!! wells anyways,.. thought i'd leave a bLog i have to go. not doing too good.

N0VEMBER14,`04@841pm []
i can hear: RAiNDR0PS
mood: hurt/mad/sad/confused
have you ever feLt mad/hurt/sad all at the same time? u always tend to have that mix when you're feeling out of place or unpatient of things right? well, my ma and i got into a fight earlier on today which left me unexplainable hurt! i was left with nothing to do but going into my room balling my eyes out. i don't know how to prescribe myself a remidy when my own boyfriend tends to say things that are really "unwinding". you don't catch my drift now do you? well, i'm already fed up with what's goin on in my life--i need a shoffeer to tell me and explain to me what i should do. bottom line is i miss my boyfriend what's the catch? there is no catch. I wanna be with him I miss him.. what's there to it? shiet, nothing! i cry, and i cry, and i cry! to make him try to say things that'll make it alright. he says one thing, i take it the other way i get mad and pau we're arguing. i'm not answering any of his phone calls because i'm hurt. when i mean i took it another way--i REALLY went far beyond my limitations. I feel like dammmmn he don't want me. but in reality i know he does it's just that i'm so freak'n pissed of what's going on already that everything i want him to say--isn't being said! pLease, i haven't felt so much of this in awhile it's very overwhelming. i don't know what else to do.. i feel like everything that bothered me about my mom is now flowing into what others say.. you know what i mean? everything that the other one is saying--it still remains me of my mom. all the hurtful pain my mom brought me today i'm using against everyone else. gaw, what am i to do? i don't know how to even answer my own boyfriend's call. i can't!! i'm hurt & mad. not onLy by him.. by everything that's coming in the way of me. AWWWW MAN!!!

N0VEMBER13,`04@901pm []
i can hear: the UH HAWAI'I VoLLEYBALL GAME
mood: kinda sLeepy, tired
hey ppL, just thought i'd come and give some love. yeah, i know that it's been a day since i've actually wrote a bLog but ahh that wasn't that long. well, umm.. Last night, me/jean/jaece/&MAMA went to the party up in Country. At PukaLani Community Center was aLright--we got invited to my cousin Richie's Swt. 16th bday in Dec. so yeah,.. and her damn sisiter Roxanne oh my gosh she gave me chicken skin Last night she sang "Open Arms" oh my goodness.. didn't realize that it was Chris's sons birthday.. haha his sons are so adoreabLe. weLL, today woke up at 930am ate breakfast came to my moms house then went back. ME/JAECE/AUNTiE/&JEAN went to American Savings, Longs, Ace Hareware... then dropped off auntie then me/jaeceLyn/&jean went to Costco. I ran into DEReK L. he came cute. =) and freak'n TALL too.. shiet,.. haha well anyways.. he was working so.. yeah.. well umm that's all happened today. I'll be going to church tomorrow. Wells yeah,... i miss my boyfriend. i love u. ♥babey shaLee/sweet pea

N0VEMBER11,`04@125pm []
i can hear: the sounds outside&the ceiling fan
mood: trying to wake up
hiyah there, people.. i just woke up about 10 minutes ago. man, i woke up late today from all the days i've been here. shiet, i woke up at 1 today after all those times i woke up like in the "early mornings" well not today. umm,.. just thought i'd blog today. wanna try and get in the hang of things before i end up losing my touch once more.. ahh!! well my boxes are almost coming off the Barge at young bros. I can't wait because "ALL" my beLongings pLus my boyfriends are in there so.. yeah i feeL extremeLy empty i came to maui pretty much w/nothing. ahh oh dear,.. wells umm i'm gonna wait to pick that up tomorrow. They should be calling my mom's house. But anyhoots,... yeah, i'm waiting.. wells,... ugh i went to the mall last night for the first time since i've been back home. it was actually nice,.. they don't have the long ass irritating staircase in the front of the mall and what not. but umm,... it looks pretty nice. but the only thing that bothered me & what was so funny about the mall is for as long as i've been going to kaahumanu shopping center since i was young too k NEVER did the fire alarm thing go off & say there was a fire in the damn mall. Yeah, there was a fire alert last night and everyone was just shopping around like it's legal. was so stupid. what if had one REAL fire? stupid ahh these people. but, anyways people kept staying on their oL' mary way.. hahaha. wells, yeah and aLso they have this new playgound looking thing it's like an "undersea thing" going on by PayLess&WaLdensBooks and man me&jean brought jaecelyN right and this boy just fuLLy knocked her in JaeceLyn's eye.. i wanted to sLap the kid but the dumbest part is the daddy/grandpa or something didn't even do anything but about 8-10minutes later the man comes back with his grandson or whatever and apoLogizes. So, that was a nice thing. Otherwise, that kid was mannnn!! he pissed me off because he hit my niece. Lil man needs disipLine. umm anyways... we was gonna go eat Ruby's last night but ended up at Yummy's because of the fact Ruby's was really busy. I talked to STEVEN on the phone last night we were just talking stories.. ask him what the stories is to us.. what in the world our stories are about. tripps!! hhahaha but he was hanging with our oLd crew BENNET&JEFF. and also i found out that MR.JEFF had end up knockin ROBERT for some STUPID reason. that's messed up. ©DILEMMA™ is back once again except ME... haha i'm still apart of ©DILEMMA™ the only thing about it is that i'm not living on KAUAI anymore. but i'm aLways apart of it. weLLs, i have to get going so.. talks to ya'lls soon. i miss my boyfriend.

N0VEMBER10,`04@1119am []
what i'm in: dead siLence
mood: aLright
hey ppL, just thought i'd bLog since only now i've actually updated my domain. yeas, it's been awhile. well, actually only a month! but yeah, i try to at least update once a month sometimes i update in between a month and what not. well, woke up at 7am because of a phone call i desperately needed to answer which was my girl dee damn girl... i was like awww shiet!! but then yeaaaah, i just kept talking to her since i had to wake up anyways. well, lately i've been basically spending time with my cousin, my mom, my sister, mama&papa, and my computer :P oh yeas.. haha wells umm,... i'm working on my myspace =) so yeah i'm gonna get going. i miss my boyfriend. ♥babey•shaLee

0CT0BER05,`04 @934pm []
watching: "Beautiful Girl"
mood: good.
what's up people. yeas, it's been awhile since i've updated. well, i've been busy. trying to find me a jobi job. yeas, well.. also today i just brought up a homepage that i've created. it's dedicated to 
JEFFREY&CINDY JEFFREY&CINDY
JEFFREY&CINDY JEFFREY&CINDY
JEFFREY&CINDY JEFFREY&CINDY
JEFFREY&CINDY JEFFREY&CINDY
JEFFREY&CINDY JEFFREY&CINDY
yea, i love what i've done. it's a creation dedicated to the soon-to-be NEWLYWEDS. congrats you two...

SEPTEMBER26,`04 @645pm []
jammin to: "Summer Breezin"
mood: good.
hey people. yeas, is me. countless babey shaLee haha. well is been a while since i've brought up my domains. well my MRZSHALEE is back up?! yeas, i'm so happy for this layout. well, it've been a little busy lately. my sundays are pretty much occupied spending with ME&J0N's friends magie, david, niece kiana, cheejay. well yeah, i haven't been feeling to good lately. for the past 3/4 weeks now i've been feeling sick. I cough here and there & it sucks because I can't have fun. Yesterday {sunday} was my nephew Tyler's luncheon at their house I believe. I couldn't go I wasn't feeling good and with a baby LANSEN there I didn't want to get him sick. So, i just stayed out of their way. Umm... so besically we didn't do much yesterday but i've been trying to catch up on my sleep. The other day, I slept until 6pm and holy shit that was the longest i've slept yet. haaaa, seriously. I slept so damn late. But anyways yeah... That day I caught up wtih my sleep but still had to sleep early that night. had one real hard time but heeey gottta do what you gottah do. So, my new layout is gonna be posted right now...