Mick Tells All

The Section Times has obtained Mick's debrief for his role in Nikita's brainwashing.

I was just poppin' in to Nikita's flat when I felt dis Mystic Meg clamp around me loaf of bread. She 'urled me to the floor and I was trapped in 'eaven but wiv a gun pointed at me. Nikita was none too well chuffed seein' me in 'er 'ome, dat's fer sure. She asks me what I was doing there, so I told 'er I was waterin' 'er plants. She didn't Adam and Eve me, though. I rabbits I lookin' fer a bit of nosh and the stupid bird went fer dat pork pie.

So I fink I am now safe as 'ouses, but the next time I go to 'er 'ome, Michael comes in and 'its me on the jaw, wantin' to Barney Rubble. I didn't know wot the bloody 'ell dat was all about. I told 'im I aint rodgerin' 'er, but 'e still wanted to know wot I was doing there. Dat is one tough bloke, I tell yer. So, I finally tell 'im I got dis potion dat makes Nikita a bit daft in the loaf. He takes it from me, leavin' me in dangerous 'arm. He 'as no jam tart me old china Michael.

So I am just lying low watchin' me own back like, and then Michael tells me I 'ave to get 'im some guns, weapons, ammo and the like. But dat doesn't make Michael chuffed. No, 'e tells me I 'ave to go find some sort of trackin' device in Nikita's toilet. O right like I am going to go to 'er flat and tell 'er I need to use the crapper! So I fink up dis brilliant plan to spill wine on meself and then scarper into 'er loo and butcher's 'ook fer the gadget. But she sees through me and bursts in, pointin' a gun at me, tellin' me I 'ave to take 'er to Michael. I don't know 'ow she clocked through me brilliant plan.

I take 'er back to the 'otel where adrian is stayin' wiv Michael, Adrian feelin' poorly 'erself, yer know, and I find dat the whole thing 'as been planned! Michael played me fer a dickhead. He set the whole thing up, me bringin' 'is bird to the 'otel. And 'ow was 'e to know dat me plan would fall through. Dat ain't nice, thinkin' ill of yer mates.

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