Converts' Stories: Um Luqman's Testimony

Um Luqman's Testimony (from reVert)

Bismillah ir Rahman nir Raheem ( In the Name of ALLAH, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)

As Salamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu ( May the Peace and Blessings from ALLAH be upon you) all in Islam,

Greetings,

This is my story of how I reverted back to Islam.

Revert is One who comes back to Islam. We are all Born Muslim, so those who stray and find there way back, ( by ALLAH's will) has reverted.

By the time I was born, Islam had already been introduced to my family.

My Uncles, (maternal), had both accepted Islam, by the end of the Vietnam war. Masha'ALLAH. And had given both of their sisters, my mother and aunt, dawah -- needless to say both of them rejected the dawah at this time.

They were not too keen on the idea of telling their parents, (my grandparents-maternal). You see, I came from a very strict Catholic background, and for anyone to convert to any other religion was frowned upon terribly.

During my childhood, I always had the questions; Who was God, and Where did he come from. Mind you those two questions permeated my thoughts throughout my spiritual journey.

Well, in the cathedrals my family attended, there were these Big, and Massive statues. Oh my, I thought these were the most scary statues I had ever seen. The music was creepy and the combination of candles and stained glass made shadows look ghastly. Then, I remember having to light candles and go to confession, eat bread and drink fake wine (grape juice)...........

........All of this was very exhausting to me.

The Frilly dresses and maticulous and strategically placed bows in my hair, I felt like a porcelain doll - and if anyone touched me or if I moved the wrong way , I could break. Did I forget to menton that I went to 2 different masses, Spanish and English. The Spanish I could barely understand ( parents wanted me to be western-so they only spoke English to me). And the English was to difficult to follow, and after all of that, and after many years ; I still did not know the answer to my 2 questions.

As I got older, things changed quickly, here I was about 8 years old or so and my aunt took her shahadah (Masha'ALLAH), and I still didn't know what that meant at that time, only heard the word a few times, here and there. And my mother and father grew apart, and we ( my mom and I) grew apart, I lived with my grandmother
, who was still a Devout Catholic, and I still had the dresses and bows. <smile>

My mother moved to Georgia, and I was still in New York, going to 2 masses and going to confession, the whole bit.

I got a little older and at about age 12, (almost a teenager!!, <smile> ) I moved to Georgia with my mom, and guess what!........

She also took her shahadah, ( Masha'ALLAH) and still I didn't know what this meant. I was devastated. My mother, a beautiful career women, a Muslim. Now, I know that she was the most beautiful women that I knew back then, and even now.

I didn't know what to do. I knew One thing , I was not going to wear that head rag, as I called it at that pre teen stage. My mother tried to force me to wear the Khimar (head covering) and the long dress and the long shirts at first, then she realized the more she tried , the more I rebelled. I even ran away from home to my cousins house, (across the street from my school) to get away from my new Muslim mom.

As time went on, I develop my curiosity of, Who God was and Where did He come from ,again. So, here I am at age 15 searching for God. I was away from my Muslim mom (living with relatives again - back and forth to NewYork, visiting my grandma), and I went to a penacostle church. I took the invite from a school friend.
I could not connect, so I kept on searching.

Now I was 17, had already been to a holiness church (all the "got the Spirit dancing" scared the heck out of me), a baptist church (to much singing and yelling, not enough preaching), and a non Denominational church (finally found my nitche) .

I was "baptised" and saved!! At last, I was no longer a sinner and was a spiritual person, who loved God and His son...................

But, Who was He again? and Where did He come from? And now He had a son, did I just realize this?........

Back to square one. I decided to just say no to all the invites and not do anything, as far as religion was concerned.

I had graduated from highschool and was in the beginning of my 2nd year of college ,when I met a preacher, a very young one. Just 3 years older than me. He was at the "Other" University, one for all males and it had a Theology program. Well, he gave me a bible, and told me to read certain chapters to renew my faith in God. But Which God, hmmmmmmmmm.

I had been fed so much from so many different people, phew! I needed some renewel of faith, but how did I know this was the way. He made sure that he was there to guide me, if I had a question he aways had the answer, if I needed clarification, he did it, if I needed some upliftment, he was there. It came a time I accepted his invite to this little church he practiced preaching at. I thought I knew it all, I had my Bible in hand , read it from cover to cover. I was prepared for it all.

Or so I thought..........

....I froze, something would not let me enjoy the service, I couldn't get up and say thank you Jesus (AS) anymore, I could not say Hallaleuah anymore. I got up and walked out, and never returned to that church again. Let me explain, I saw something in that church, I dont know what it was, but it was looking at me as I was looking at it. A few months after that, I had 2 dreams. 2 dreams I will never forget, Insha'ALLAH. To make it short, I dreamt that something was chasing me, and I turned around and said something in a different language. it stopped and ran away. The next dream I had was of my grandmother, (who had died, and taken her shahadah before her death, Masha'ALLAH). I was in her house with a jewish family, mother and son. My grandmother was in the kitchen cooking, and I was speaking to this jewish man, all of a sudden, my grandmother left and this jewish mother was cooking, (I was in a spot where I could not see her), Well, this jewish guy started speaking, what I think was yiddish or hebrew, and he jumped up and disappeared, I was drawn to the kitchen and saw that same thing again, I started to say something in that same language as before , in my other dream. ANd this time it did'nt run, but grew. I said it over and over again, until I woke up screaming. I had to tell this , it is very significant in my reverting, (I think so anyway). Allahualim.

I decided once again, not to do anything about religion. I was going to pray directly to God and see what would happen. So I did, and waited, and waited, and waited. I was now 23 years old, had two children and still did not know the answer to those 2 questions. One day my uncle called me , just to see how I was. I told him about the dreams, and to my surprise, what I had been saying in my dreams was Arabic! I was seeking refuge. And I didn't even know. Masha'ALLAH! All my Uncle said to me was seek ALLAH, go to him and ask Him to guide you. He said this with such earnest, and he is an uncles I love so dearly, one that has never steered my wrong, Should I believe him? Should I pray to ALLAH? ALLAH.? Who was ALLAH? When my uncle gave me the answer, I broke down and cried. This was it, this was the answer I had been looking for , practically my whole life.!! That night I prayed, to ALLAH.

About 2 years later, my aunt came to visit me, I was pregnant with my third child, and she asked me do you believe in God, the One God, who created all mankind.,ALLAH. I said, Yes. She asked me what do u believe about
Jesus(AS), by this time I knew the Muslims believed him to be a prophet of God, so I said what I thought she wanted me to hear and said, He is a prophet. She asked me did I know about the Prophet Muhammad, I told her not much,and she told me all about him. And thats when Jesus(AS) made sense to me as being a Prophet. I was intrigued. But still wasn't ready to make that move. I had too much pride, I could not cover my hair. I couldn't go into a perfect religion, being so imperfect. And what would my friends say? What about my job, what would they
say if I covered my hair?

Well, during this same week, my aunt and her husband visited me and my family again, we ate , we talked, and then My husband, (who knew a little about Islam) started to ask questions, before I knew it. He took his shahadah! Masha'ALLAH.

I was still stubborn, and he never pushed Islam on me. Two months later, the day before my son was born (3 out of 4) <smile> I visited my mother. She had company and of course, she was Muslim. I spoke to the sister ,that I was fond of,. And she said to me, What is stopping you from accepting Islam. Your family, almost the entire family, is Muslim. Do you even know about Islam. I said somewhat, so she grabbed my hand, and I followed her to another room. We sat, and talked, I found out that I did not have to be perfect or never mess up, or free from sin. I still had some misconceptions. And By the Grace of ALLAH, this sister had put them to rest, with just one conversation. She even told me if I could not cover right away, then not to worry, that all I had to do was pray to ALLAH. And cover for Salah, and Insha'ALLAH, eventually I would cover. I could not believe it , to accept Islam, ALL my previous sins forgiveen, wipe clean, a new start?!!, Now THAT is born again.

At that moment, I wanted to accept Islam, I wanted to take MY shahadah. It wasn't anything fancy, as I was used to in my previous ventures. My little brother, (a man then but still my little brother) gave me my shahadah, Ashahdu illa ilaiha illallah, wa ashadu anna muhammadan rasoolu Allah,(I attest that there is only One God, and
His Name is ALLAH ,none is worthy of worship but He, and I did all this in front of my mom, my aunt , and the friend. The next day my son was born, and I had a peace that came over me, I still cannot describe today. I have since then grown in my deen, and the knowledge of Islam, and can affirm, that Islam is the TRUE WAY OF LIFE,. AL - Hamdulillah!!

Sorry this took sooo long, I became absorbed.

I thank ALLAH, the Most Merciful, for allowing me to be Muslim, and Insha'ALLAH he will allow us all In Islam, to live , worship, and die as Believers, and Submitting Muslims, ameen.

May ALLAH guide us all to His Straight Path, ameen

Oh, I forgot to say, that I did wear my Khimar, shortly after that, Masha'ALLAH. And have since quit that job, and now run my own business. I have progressed from just wearing the khimar, to full hijab, Masha'ALLAH.

Wa Alaikumu As Salam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

UmLuqman