Quotations from Robert A. Heinlein (part 2)

From Time Enough for Love

p29: "A thousand reasoned opinions never equal to one case of diving in and finding out."

p29: "The most sophisticated machine the human mind can build has in it the limitations of the human mind."

p38: "Humans hardly ever learn from the experience of others. They learn -- when they do, which isn't often -- on their own, the hard way."

p43 & 268: "Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."

p65: * "Anyone can see a forest fire; skill lies in sniffing the first smoke."

p71: "Getting up early does not get more work done ... any more than you can make a piece of string longer by cutting off one end and tying it onto the other."

p71: The Principle of Least Effort: "Progress doesn't come from early risers -- progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things."

p88: "Most human 'progress': by the time you learn how, it's too late."

p126: "A pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun -- and neither can stop the march of events."

p237: "If a man pushes a rock, can he ignore an avalanche that follows?"

p255: "By the data to date, there is only one animal in the Galaxy dangerous to man -- man himself. So he must supply his own indispensable competition. He has no enemy to help him."

p255: "Men are more sentimental than women. It blurs their thinking."

p255: "Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win."

p255: "Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent."

p255: "Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it."

p256: "There is no conclusive evidence of life after death. But there is no evidence of any sort against it. Soon enough you will know. So why fret about it?"

p256: "If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion."

p256: "Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth."

p256: "Most 'scientists' are bottle washers and button sorters."

p257: "A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits."

p257: "History does not record anywhere at any time a religion that has any rational basis. Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough to stand up to the unknown without help. But, like dandruff, most people do have a religion and spend time and money on it and seem to derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it."

p257: "It's amazing how much 'mature wisdom' resembles being too tired."

p257: "If you don't like yourself, you can't like other people."

p257: "Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes. Keep this in mind; it may offer a way to make him your friend."

p257: "A motion to adjourn is always in order."

p257: "No state has an inherent right to survive through conscript troops and, in the long run, no state ever has."

p258: "Of all the strange 'crimes' that human beings have legislated out of nothing, 'blasphemy' is the most amazing -- with 'obscenity' and 'indecent exposure' fighting it out for second and third place."

p258: "Cheops' Law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget."

p258: "A brute kills for pleasure. A fool kills from hate."

p259: "Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavour of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks."

p259: "It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion. And usually easier."

p259: "One man's theology is another man's belly laugh."

p259: "Men rarely (if ever) manage to dream up a god superior to themselves. Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child."

p259: "Never appeal to a man's 'better nature.' He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage."

p259: "Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse."

p259: "You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once."

p260: "Avoid making irrevocable decisions while tired or hungry. N.B.: Circumstances can force your hand. So think ahead!"

p260: "An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications."

p260: "In a mature society, 'civil servant' is semantically equal to 'civil master.' "

p260: "When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not far away."

p260: "A woman is not property, and husbands who think otherwise are living in a dreamworld."

p261: "There are hidden contradictions in the minds of people who 'love Nature' while deploring the 'artificialities' with which 'Man has spoiled "Nature." ' The obvious contradiction lies in their choice of words, which imply that Man and his artifacts are not part of 'Nature' -- but beavers and their dams are. But the contradictions go deeper than this prima-facie absurdity. In declaring his love for a beaver dam (erected by beavers for beavers' purposes) and his hatred for dams erected by men (for the purposes of men) the 'Naturist' reveals his hatred for his own race -- i.e. his own self-hatred."

p262: "Democracy is based on the assumption that a million men are wiser than one man. How's that again? I missed something."

p262: "Autocracy is based on the assumption that one man is wiser than a million men. Let's play that over again, too. Who decides?"

p262: "Any government will work if authority and responsibility are equal and coordinate. This does not insure 'good' government; it simply insures that it will work. But such governments are rare -- most people want to run things but want no part of the blame. This used to be called the 'backseat-driver syndrome.' "

p262: "What are the facts? Again and again and again -- what are the facts? Shun wishful thinking, ignore divine revelation, forget what 'the stars foretell,' avoid opinion, care not what the neighbours think, never mind the unguessable 'verdict of history' -- what are the facts, and to how many decimal places? You pilot always into an unknown future; facts are your single clue. Get the facts!"

p262: "Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by legislation. Stupidity is not a sin, the victim can't help being stupid. But stupidity is the only universal capital crime; the sentence is death, there is no appeal, and execution is carried out automatically and without pity."

p263: "God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent -- it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks, please. Cash and in small bills."

p263: "Courage is the complement of fear. A man who is fearless cannot be courageous. (He is also a fool.)"

p263: "People who go broke in a big way never miss any meals. It is the poor jerk who is shy a half slug who must tighten his belt."

p263: "The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And vice versa."

p263: "Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe, and not make messes in the house."

p263: "Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untravelled, the naive, the sophisticated deplore these formalities as 'empty,' 'meaningless,' or 'dishonest,' and scorn to use them. No matter how 'pure' their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not work too well at best."

p264: "The more you love, the more you can love -- and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just."

p264: "Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil."

p264: "If tempted by something that feels 'altruistic,' examine your motives and root out that self-deception. Then, if you still want to do it, wallow in it!"

p264: "The most preposterous notion that H. sapiens has ever dreamed up is that the Lord God of Creation, Shaper and Ruler of all the Universes, wants the saccharine adoration of His creatures, can be swayed by their prayers, and becomes petulant if He does not receive this flattery. Yet this absurd fantasy, without a shred of evidence to bolster it, pays all the expenses of the oldest, largest, and least productive industry in all history."

p265: "Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of -- but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards."

p265: "$100 placed at 7 per cent interest compounded quarterly for 200 years will increase to more than $100,000,000 -- by which time it will be worth nothing."

p266: "A touchstone to determine the actual worth of an 'intellectual' -- find out how he feels about astrology."

p266: "Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed."

p266: "There is no such thing as 'social gambling.' Either you are there to cut the other bloke's heart out and eat it -- or you're a sucker. If you don't like this choice -- don't gamble."

p266: "A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity."

p267: "You live and learn. Or you don't live long."

p267: "Peace is an extension of war by political means. Plenty of elbow-room is pleasanter -- and much safer."

p267: "One man's 'magic' is another man's engineering. 'Supernatural' is a null word."

p267: "The phrase 'we (I) (you) simply must -- ' designates something that need not be done. 'That goes without saying' is a red warning. 'Of course' means you had better check it yourself. These small-change cliches and others like them, when read correctly, are reliable channel markers."

p267: "Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy."

p267: "If you happen to be one of the fretful minority who can do creative work, never force an idea; you'll abort it if you do. Be patient and you'll give birth to it when the time is ripe. Learn to wait."

p284: "Force is an argument to use when nothing else will do and the issue is that important."

p325: "Responsibility cannot be shared."

p333: Raising kids: "Praise them, never scream at them, punish as necessary and right now -- never a moment's delay -- then it's over with and forget it. Be as lavish with affection after a spanking as any other time -- or a bit extra."

p350: "Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow if tomorrow might improve the odds."

p363: "Always tell her she is beautiful, especially if she is not."

p363: "If you are part of a society that votes, then do so. There may be no candidates and no measures you want to vote for ... but there are certain to be ones you want to vote against. In case of doubt, vote against. By this rule you will rarely go wrong.

"If this is too blind for your taste, consult some well-meaning fool (there is always one around) and ask his advice. Then vote the other way. This enables you to be a good citizen (if such is your wish) without spending the enormous amount of time on it that truly intelligent exercise of franchise requires."

p363: "Sovereign ingredient for a happy marriage: Pay cash or do without. Interest charges not only eat up a household budget; awareness of debt eats up domestic felicity."

p364: "Another ingredient for a happy marriage: Budget the luxuries first!"

p364: "And still another -- See to it that she has her own desk -- then keep your hands off it!"

p364: "And another -- In a family argument, if turns out you are right -- apologise at once!"

p364: " 'God split himself into a myriad parts that he might have friends.' This may not be true, but it sounds good -- and is no sillier than any other theology."

p364: "To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods."

p364: "Does history record any case in which the majority was right?"

p364: "When the fox gnaws -- smile!"

p364: "A 'critic' is a man who creates nothing and thereby feels qualified to judge the work of creative men. There is logic in this; he is unbiased -- he hates all creative people equally."

p365: "Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honour, make him pay cash."

p365: "Never frighten a little man. He'll kill you."

p365: "Only a sadistic scoundrel -- or a fool -- tells the bald truth on social occasions."

p365: "This sad little lizard told me that he was a brontosaurus on his mother's side. I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry often have little else to sustain them. Humouring them costs nothing and adds to happiness in a world in which happiness is always in short supply."

p365: "To be 'matter of fact' about the world is to blunder into fantasy -- and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful."

p365: "The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science requires reasoning, while those other subjects merely require scholarship."

p366: "Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny."

p366: "The greatest productive force is human selfishness."

p366: "Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors -- and miss."

p366: "The profession of shaman has many advantages. It offers high status with a safe livelihood free of work in the dreary, sweaty sense. In most societies it offers legal privileges and immunities not granted to other men. But it is hard to see how a man who has been given a mandate from on High to spread tidings of joy to all mankind can be seriously interested in taking up a collection to pay his salary; it causes one to suspect that the shaman is on the moral level of any other con man.

"But it's lovely work if you can stomach it."

p367: "Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields. But experts often think so. The narrower their field of knowledge the more likely they are to think so."

p367: "Never try to outstubborn a cat."

p367: "Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again."

p367: "Waking a person unnecessarily should not be considered a capital crime. For a first offence, that is."

p367: " 'Go to hell!' or other insult direct is all the answer a snoopy question rates."

p368: "The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: 'Of course it is none of my business but -- ' is to place a period after the word 'but.' Don't use excessive force in supplying such moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about."

p368: "A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds up his morale. After a while he realises that she is beautiful -- he just hadn't noticed at first."

p368: "A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being 'frank.' "

p368: "Beware of the 'Black Swan' fallacy. Deductive logic is tautological; there is no way to get a new truth out of it, and it manipulates false statements as readily as true ones. If you fail to remember this, it can trip you -- with perfect logic. The designers of the earliest computers called this the 'Gigo Law,' i.e., 'Garbage in, garbage out.'

"Inductive logic is much more difficult -- but can produce new truths."

p368: "A 'practical joker' deserves applause for his wit according to its quality. Bastinado is about right. For exceptional wit one might grant keelhauling. But staking him out on an anthill should be reserved for the very wittiest."

p368: "Natural laws have no pity."

p369: "If 'everybody knows' such-and-such, then it ain't so, by at least ten thousand to one."

p369: "Political tags -- such as royalist, communist, democrat, populist, fascist, liberal, conservative, and so forth -- are never basic criteria. The human race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those who have no such desire. The former are idealists acting from highest motives for the greatest good of the greatest number. The latter are surely curmudgeons, suspicious and lacking in altruism. But they are more comfortable neighbours than the other sort."

p370: "Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other 'sins' are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful -- just stupid.)"

p370: "Being generous is inborn; being altruistic is a learned perversity. No resemblance -- "

p370: "You can go wrong by being too sceptical as readily as by being too trusting."

p370: "Anything free is worth what you pay for it."

p370: "Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get."

p370: "Pessimist by policy, optimist by temperament -- it is possible to be both. How? By never taking any unnecessary chance and by minimising risks you can't avoid. This permits you to play out the game happily, untroubled by the certainty of the outcome."

p371: "Do not confuse 'duty' with what other people expect of you; they are utterly different. Duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfil obligations you have assumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect.

"But there is no reward at all for doing what other people expect of you, and to do so is not merely difficult, but impossible. It is easier to deal with a footpad than it is with the leech who wants 'just a few minutes of your time, please -- this won't take long.' Time is your total capital, and the minutes of your life are painfully few. If you allow yourself to fall into the vice of agreeing to such requests, they quickly snowball to the point where these parasites will use up 100 per cent of your time -- and squawk for more!

"So learn to say No -- and to be rude about it when necessary.

"Otherwise you will not have time to carry out your duty, or to do your own work, and certainly no time for love and happiness. The termites will nibble away your life and leave none of it for you.

"(This rule does not mean that you must not do a favour for a friend, or even a stranger. But let the choice be yours. Don't do it because it is 'expected' of you)."

p371: " 'I came, I saw, she conquered.' (The original Latin seems to have been garbled.)"

p371: "A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain."

p371: "Animals can be driven crazy by placing too many in too small a pen. Homo sapiens is the only animal that voluntarily does this to himself."

p371: "Don't try to have the last word. You might get it."

p414: "Most people can't think, most of the remainder won't think, the small fraction who do think mostly can't do it very well."

p446: "In all matters of government the correct answer is usually: Do nothing."

p446: "The itch to be a world saver should not be scratched; it rarely does any good and can drastically shorten your life."

p447: "If you're patient, problems tend to solve themselves."

p454: * "When in danger or doubt ... Run in circles, scream and shout."

p454: "Money is the universal weapon; to acquire it merely takes time and ingenuity, and sometimes work."

p480: " 'Crazy' -- a nonscientific term meaning that the person to whom one applies that label has a world picture differing from the accepted one."

p495: "Complexity is contrary to the basic principle of successful lying."

p535: "The best place to hide a needle is in a stack of needles."

p538: "All here-&-nows are equal and 'the present' is simply whatever here-&-now one is using."

From Time for the Stars

p25: "You should ignore the package and read the fine print."

p28: "You don't hear with your ears, you hear with your brain; you don't see with your eyes, you see with your brain. When you touch something, the sensation is not in your finger, it is inside your head. The ears and eyes and fingers are just data collectors; it is the brain that abstracts order out of a chaos of data and gives it meaning."

p38: "Never argue with Santa Claus."

p42: "When you are right and a general is wrong, there is only one way to get him to change his mind. You shut up and don't argue. You let the facts speak for themselves and give him time to figure out a logical reason for reversing himself."

p44: "Since when was an emotional argument won by logic?"

p44: "I don't like secrets. I'd rather owe money. You can't pay back a secret."

p46: "You can be right over and over again, but when it comes to exploring strange places, the first time you guess wrong is the last guess you make. You're dead."

p52: " 'Good intentions' should be declared a capital crime."

p71: "Learning isn't a means to an end; it is an end in itself."

p95: " 'Useless' pure research is always so much more practical than 'practical' work."

p96: "People usually believe anything that they are told early and often."

p126: "The dignity of being a human being:

"A man pays his bills, keeps himself clean, respects other people, and keeps his word. He gets no credit for this; he has to do this much just to stay even with himself. A ticket to heaven comes higher."

p138: "Physics doesn't have to have any use. It just is."

p140: "One way of dying is as dangerous as another; when you're dead, you're dead -- even if you die from 'nothing serious.' "

p164: "There is one thing no man can tell another man and that is where his duty lies. That you must decide for yourself."

p188: "It wasn't right for one person to impose his will on another, through strength or even through weakness."

From To Sail Beyond the Sunset

p100: "The one Unforgivable Sin, the offence against one's own integrity, was to accept anything at all simply on authority."

p117: "If a thousand men believe something and I believe otherwise, then it's a thousand to one that they are wrong."

p142: "Happiness ... lies in being privileged to work hard for long hours in doing whatever you think is worth doing.

"One man may find happiness in supporting a wife and children. Another may find it in robbing banks. Still another may labour mightily for years in pursuing pure research with no discernible result.

"Note the individual and subjective nature of each case. No two are alike and there is no reason to expect them to be. Each man or woman must find for himself or herself that occupation in which hard work and long hours make him or her happy. Contrariwise, if you are looking for shorter hours and longer vacations and early retirement, you are in the wrong job. Perhaps you need to take up bank robbing. Or geeking in a sideshow. Or even politics."

p164: " 'Figures don't lie, but liars figure.' 'There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.' "

p206: "Theology is a study with no answers because it has no subject matter."

p206: " 'God,' or 'god,' or 'gods' -- have you ever seen 'God'? If so, where and when, how tall was She and what did She weigh? What was Her skin colour? Did She have a belly button and, if so, why? Did She have breasts? For what purpose? How about organs of reproduction and of excretion -- did She or didn't She?

"(If you think I am making fun of the idea of a God fashioned in Man's image or vice versa, you have much to go on.)"

p227: "A perfect democracy, a 'warm body' democracy in which every adult may vote and all votes count equally, has no internal feedback for self-correction. It depends solely on the wisdom and self-restraint of citizens ... which is opposed by the folly and lack of self-restraint of other citizens."

p241: "No intelligent man has any respect for an unjust law. Nor does he feel guilt over breaking it. He simply follows the Eleventh Commandment."

p260: " 'Gratitude': An imaginary emotion that rewards an imaginary behaviour, 'altruism.' Both imaginaries are false faces for selfishness, which is a real and honest emotion."

p282: " 'Do you have a price in mind?'

" 'Yes, certainly. Just twice what you are willing to pay.' "

p282: "Any question that starts out 'Why don't they -- ' the answer is always 'Money.' "

p366: "Given a full choice, I would rather watch television than kill a stranger. Some, at least."

p371: "There is a ready solution for anyone on the public payroll who feels that he is not paid enough: He can resign and work for a living."

p394: "You fail your children worst if you do not punish them when they need it. The lessons you fail to teach them will be taught later and much more harshly by a cruel world, the real world where no excuses are accepted, the world of TANSTAAFL and of Mrs. BeDoneByAsYouDid."

From The Unpleasant Profession of Jonathan Hoag: (in the short story -All You Zombies-)

p137: The By-Laws of Time:

"Never Do Yesterday What Should Be Done Tomorrow.
"If At Last You Do Succeed, Never Try Again.
"A Stitch in Time Saves Nine Billion.
"A Paradox May be Paradoctored.
"It is Earlier When You Think.
"Ancestors are Just People.
"Even Jove Nods."