NEW: IN A PERFECT WORLD... (1/1)
Title: IN A PERFECT WORLD...
Author: CindyET
Rating: G
Classification: V
Spoilers: Through Season 8
Summary: It's short. It's heartfelt. It's about him and
her...of course. Isn't that why we're here?
Disclaimer: Do these characters really belong to Chris Carter,
FOX and 1013 Productions? If so, no copyright infringement
intended. Fun, yes. Profit, no.
Author's notes: I've wandered from the beaten path of my usual
case files. Let me know if I should keep my day job.
In a Perfect World...
By CindyET
In a perfect world, the skies would be as wide and blue as a
new mother's eyes. Tender, easy, faultless. An affectionate
expanse, warm and soothing, like a baby boy's receiving
blanket wrapped around the fresh fact of his existence. So
soft, the sleepy, boneless way he fits into the crook of your
arm.
"Once upon a time there was a little baby..."
But today snow overwhelms your windows, shadowing your eyes
with an overcast of muddled, spiral-down flakes that look and
smell like ash. If only the sun would come out, then maybe
you could see where He might have gone. It's been a lifetime
since He went...away. Wherever. And now your baby's life
dangles like an inadequate goodbye in the open parenthesis of
his father's disappearance. But the baby doesn't know the
difference the way you do. How can he miss someone he never
knew? You might be able to answer that question, if only you
had the strength, but your heart hangs itself on missing Him.
After all, you never really had the proper opportunity to know
Him either, did you?
In a perfect world, two pairs of hands would rock your child,
doubling the care, the love, the joy and halving the load, the
worry, the fear. Incredulous eyes would surely shed tears to
see His son, because His son is yours, too, and it's the
merging that makes all the difference. Half of you and half of
Him, stirred by Nature into a whorl of remarkable perfection.
Ten tiny fingers, ten tiny toes.
Will your baby grow tall like his father? Will his heart be
loyal? Will he become a hero? Perhaps he'll be a good man,
too, hurtling reckless and indignant at the lies of men and
the mysteries of the stars and you'll be proud you knew him in
his finest hour. He has big shoes to fill, your son. Will you
lose him, too, one day?
What will you do then?
In a perfect world, your baby would arrive after a wedding, a
celebration more substantial than a long unspoken vow. A white
dress with lace and high collar and beaded bodice. A veil to
be lifted, revealing your suddenly shy smile. Your mother
would cry from the front pew for her daughter's happiness and
her new son-in-law's pride. A blessing in God's House. But
then, maybe you didn't need to say "'til death do us part"
because your two souls merged years ago, creating a pliant but
unbreakable union, outlasting death. Outlasting all
enemies...all loves...all. All but the loneliness carried for
an eternity in the empty-armed tick of the clock on your
nightstand.
To be fair, He didn't leave you entirely alone, did He? Your
baby half-fills your embrace.
Do you remember how many times you held the Man? More
importantly, why? "I won't let you go alone," you tried to
protect Him, blocking out defeat and despair by packaging Him
inside your quaking limbs, tucking Him as close to your heart
as possible, saving Him. Your motives were always in His best
interest.
"I need you to hold on. Please...hold on."
It wasn't possible to hold Him tightly enough though, was it?
Some things were never written in your stars.
In a perfect world, there would be a home for your new family.
A nursery for the baby, a den for Him, maybe a garden for you.
The two of you would share an uncomplicated expanse of bed
where you would drape each other in need and longing and
blissful, blissful love. You would caress His skin and He
would kiss yours and you would both gasp at the pleasure of
it.
Will you ever see Him again? Will He ever see His son?
Where is God in all this?
"I found a key...the key...to every question that has ever
been asked. It's a puzzle...the pieces are there for us to put
together and I know that they can save you if you can just
hold on."
In a perfect world, you would never lose hope.
You would not stop searching.
You would always believe.
But...
Belief was His conviction, not yours.
"I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know what the
truth is...I don't know who to listen to. I don't know who to
trust."
He trusted you, because you always told the truth and Truth
was His passion. And it was His passion that brought meaning
to your life. You rode the coattails of intuition with Him,
despite your distrust of guesswork and hunches and gut
feelings.
"What is this discovery I've made? How can I reconcile what I
see with what I know?"
You butted heads. Talked at cross-purposes. Argued your
points. But always, always, always you respected one another.
And eventually, He made a believer of you. Almost without
notice.
You were His flock, a congregation of one. You followed His
path until it became yours. And along the way, you gave Him
more absolution than the universe has ever witnessed. But that
wasn't why He loved you. He loved you because He could trust
you when He could trust no one else. And because you embodied
the cornerstones on which He could balance His scoured heart.
Trust. Faith. Belief. Truth. You propped Him up. You made Him
a better person. With you, He could forge ahead, determined,
relentless, strong.
Can He win without you?
Is He fighting?
In a perfect world, you would know He is safe and on His way
back to live happily ever after with you and your child. He
would fall into your embrace at the end of this day and
receive your grateful kisses. You would hold on to Him and
kiss Him and your perfect, perfect world would last forever.
- - - - - - -
Authors notes: What, no plot? Where the huh did this come
from? Feedback, good or bad, is welcome on this or any of my
stories. Send comments to cindyet@tdstelme.net.
Visit my other fanfic at
http://www.crosswinds.net/~bluefroggie/cindyet.html,
maintained by the stupendous bluefroggie.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-----------------------------------------
The X-Files Creative Mailing List
Archived at http://www.xemplary.com
To subscribe, go to http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/xfc-atxc
To unsubscribe, write
xfc-atxc-unsubscribe@onelist.com
Check out the XFC Feedback list
http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/xfc-fdbk
----------------------------------
Imported to ATXC courtesy of NewsGuy news service http://newsguy.com
(
geocities.com/msr_xf)