Hours before Dawn
My favorite hours are gone. I am happiest at 4am - 6am, when I'm not working at night. Even when I don't work at night, I find it difficult to sleep. I went to bed around 9pm and woke at 1am. It's Sunday. I have to remind myself of time, more often than I should, really. I forget that tomorrow becomes today after a while and that distant plans become present obligations.Today is my mother's birthday. She's turning 53. I bought her a present on Friday, and spent all of yesterday being mindful of nothing. Mindfulness and listlessness seem to be my two most noticeable states. Other times I may not be noticing my state, rather focusing on activities or words.
My friend is playing tonight at a place where I have seen him before. The cafe isn't close by, so the chances of his girlfriend showing up are slim. I think I will be able to stay for the first set and make it home for birthday celebrations. I rarely get to hear him play, so this is a treat. Of course this time I will be drinking soda.
I'm so much more stable than I was the last time I saw him play! It will be at the same cafe, but earlier in the evening than last time. I can't wait until springtime and summer when the nights are long and warm.
There's something about 4am. It is the most free hour of the day. Everything else is quiet, even the dogs and cats are asleep. I'm alone in being awake, but I feel the morning energy beginning to accumulate everywhere around me.
And it is still dark.
I can see time passing the way it should, however blind I am to the moment. These moments are fragile yet full.
(Dogs now awake and wanting attention.)
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