Labor Day

My subconscious seems smarter than me. "I am not a beast brain. I am a neocortex!" I like saying that, though it doesn't seem true in my case.

I keep reading the book by the academic alcoholic. She was a serious drinker. So far she hasn't quit. She has tried to an number of times. Sometimes she makes it one day, sometimes 10. I think I should try her two-drink test. One beer when I get home from work, and one glass of wine with dinner.

It isn't like I drink that much. Usually it is just one extra glass of wine before dinner, but it gets me pretty trashed and it disrupts my sleep.

Last night I dreamt that I was stranded in Canada with my little baby. My boyfriend was an asshole so I left him. We were in public and he got naked and was looking himself over like he thought he was _real_ fine, stroking his dick.

There was a place where you had to jump across a gap in an elevated walkway. I knew I had done it the night before, after I had been drinking, but I didn't have the courage this time.

I didn't know what to do, so I went back to a cabin I had been in before, to find that an armory had been attached and that there was an expo going on inside. I walked in the door, and there was a living room, where my kittens were playing with balls. There was a girl from high school playing with a ball too, and Robert DeNiro came and picked her up, because she played very well. Then he was showing her how to choose a gun at one of the booths. I thought, "What have I been doing all these years? Even learning to play hand ball well is more productive."

I wandered around a bit with my baby, wondering how I was going to get back to the US. I guess I figured out a way, because I was sleeping in my room and the kittens had found a box of Q-tips. When I awoke, I found all the Q-tips twisted in strange 3-dimensional geometric designs.

I was very angry at my father, and I yelled at him and yelled at him and yelled at him. Afterwards I felt good.

So I think I should not go to Montreal. I don't know where I come up with these hair-brained plans.

"I am not a beast brain. I am a neocortex!"