Chapter Ten

It had been almost a month of perseverance and sweat before Melanie tried to miss one of their nightly workout sessions. She had too much to read and too much to prepare, but Nick wouldn’t hear of it.

“You can’t skip tonight.” he yelled emphatically into the phone.

Melanie moaned. Who knew an intellectual lightweight could be so single-minded, she thought bitterly? She knew Nick hated being called a dumb blonde. She bit her lip, trying to suppress the laughter, as she thought of the storm that passed over his face when someone even implied it.

“Don’t you have a tour to be on?” she asked caustically. “I’m tired. What do you want from me? Blood? One night off. That’s all I’m asking.”

“Hey. I have to go to my rehearsals no matter how tired, or shitty or sick I feel. It’s about commitment. You’ll feel better about yourself if you do what you said you would.” Nick continued with his motivational pep talk, much to Melanie’s chagrin. He sounded like a Kevin clone.

“Who are you? And what have you done with the real Nick Carter? Please give him back. He was way cooler.”

“Tough. Sandy’s gonna be here. You promised to be my workout buddy and what about your own goals?”

She mumbled, “Heartless prick.”

“What was that?” Nick demanded hotly.

“Nothing. . . I’ll see you in an hour. You seriously need to get a life. I can’t believe I’m your pet project.”

“This isn’t just about you, ya' know.” With that, Nick slammed down the phone.

Melanie stomped around her room, stuffing her workout clothes in her bag, her fatigue forgotten. “Asshole!”

She took comfort in knowing he wouldn’t be in Tampa that much longer, and once rehearsals started for the next leg of their tour, he’d remain in Orlando.

They had managed to negotiate a truce of sorts although she still didn’t entirely trust him. Nick was like a puzzle to her, one that she was determined to solve. Besides, he was a means to an end. She wished she could figure out what he had to gain by taking her in hand. Nick was no fool... He’d proven himself very manipulative.

Melanie pounded on the front door of his house. She was still in a foul mood when she arrived. He knew she would be. Even though he wouldn’t admit it to her, he admired her drive; that she was there, even though she would probably end up pulling an all-nighter studying afterwards. He opened the door and greeted her with his famous crooked grin. She was disarmed enough to return an equally warm smile and stunning him in the process.

He was still very attracted to her, but he’d learned to get past it. He got the impression that she tolerated him most of the time, although there were times when her guard was down, and they enjoyed one another’s company. He still mourned the playful relationship they once had when she was with Howie, and wondered if she did too.

“You know, Nick, you pay Sandy to be your workout buddy. I don’t see why I have to be here for all your training.”

“Cause it’s your training too. And we’ve done good, me and Sandy. Look at you. You look unfuckingbelievable! Ya' got all that bad ass attitude back, too.”

“Excuse me? You and Sandy? Didn’t I have anything to do with it? I’ve worked my ass off.”

“Yeah, man, no shit. Literally, too. Now quit your bitching and hurry up. She’s waiting for us.”

***************

Sam wanted to ask something. She’d been trying to find the words all morning, circling and cleaning the same area repeatedly. It wasn’t as if she was going to suggest something horrible. Sam did have the distinct impression that socializing with Nick, outside of whatever arrangement he and Mel had forged, wasn’t going to be looked on favorably by her roommate.

It was Saturday. Samantha and Brent planned on going to see an up and coming rock band playing at one of the local clubs. Born Into Kaos , Brent’s band, had no gig that weekend. It would be nice if Melanie and Nick would join them.

“Spit it out. I can’t take your pacing much longer.” Mel said, without lifting her eyes from the book she was reading.

“Are you going out tonight?” inquired Sam.

“Mm...hadn’t really thought about it. Carter has given me the day off. He’s in Orlando for something, thank God.”

“He’ll be back later on today.”

“Oh, I guess the boyfriend fills you in on his itinerary. You two are getting pretty tight. Is it lo-ove?” Mel teased. Samantha blushed, but ignored the question.

“We’re going to see Ulterior Motives at the Brass Mug tonight. Nick will be back by then and we kinda hoped you guys would join us.”

“Oh, no thanks, I see that guy way too often as it is. I don’t need to hang with him, too. I would have liked to have seen Ulterior Motives. I hear they’re pretty good. You’ll have to tell me about it.”

“I don’t get you two. You’re around each other a lot, but you act like it’s some kind of punishment. I don’t want to pry, but you can’t blame me for being confused. I get the impression that you and Nick had a thing for each other or something. Now, I don’t know what you have for each other, but it’s kinda bizarre.”

Mel put down her book and looked at the younger woman for a moment. She’s right. It must seem weird to an outsider, she thought. That was the risk with living with someone. Inevitably, no matter how respectful people are, some privacy is lost.

“I don’t know what Brent told you. I don’t even know what he knows.” Melanie stopped mid-thought. She walked towards the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee, leaving Samantha in the living room wondering if she was, at last, going to hear the story. Brent could only speculate that Nick was the reason Howie and Melanie split up. Rarely did Mel speak of Howie, but there was a melancholy that was, perhaps, a cover for a broken heart. She kept any interested males at arms-length, almost as if she were unaware of their sex, and her own sexuality.

Returning from the kitchen, Mel gave Samantha an absent-minded smile. She had been weighing the wisdom of confessing to her that chapter in her life. Whatever she said could get back to Nick, but then again, Nick knew the story. Just not her take on things.

“I met Nick and Howie the same night,” she began. “They were out partying with friends, and so was I. I noticed Nick right away, not because he was Nick Carter but because he’s my type. Ya' know… big, tall, blonde. Big ole ghetto booty and a smile to die for. Gawd, don’t tell him that, he’s conceited enough already.”

Samantha laughed, nodding in agreement. “I hear ya'!”

Mel sat down on the immense couch and tucked her legs underneath herself. She sipped carefully from her favorite stainless steel mug. Sam watched her face take on a reflective expression as if she were mentally returning to that evening.

“We flirted back and forth with each other, but he was being such a player. I’d have left with him later on, and I think he was figuring on it, too. Anyway, one of my friends and I loved a song that was on, and we decided to dance. Nick didn’t ask and I didn’t want to ask him ‘cause he looked busy, if you know what I mean. I was feeling pretty good. Not drunk, but happy and while we were dancing, this gorgeous Latino joined us. He was partying pretty hard, too. So cute. Not typical of the guys I usually like, but there was something about him. He put his hands on my waist and we just grooved.”

“Was it Howie?”

“Oh yeah.” A big smile spread across Melanie’s face. “With big brown eyes you could drown in, that gave him a really innocent look, only you just knew better. Then bam, when the music slowed down, I felt so right in his arms, and he had these killer lips…just thinking about them makes me need a cold shower. It’s been a long, long time.”

They both giggled. Melanie never commented on her disrupted sleep but there were many nights that music didn’t drown out the noise coming from Sam’s room. The intensive exercise program that Mel and Nick were embarking upon used up almost all of her energy. She worked even harder to sublimate her needs and to re-enforce her celibate state.

“Howie and I just clicked. He and I danced for ages and by the time I left the dance floor with him, we were almost intimate.”

“What was Nick’s reaction?”

“Not very flattering. He kinda chided Howie about moving in for the kill, but I was just another party girl to him. I figured I was just another party girl for Howie too, but that was okay, I didn’t have any designs on him past that night. I wanted him. I didn’t need romance. But from that night on we were almost inseparable. Weird thing is that I hate being crowded in. I need my space.”

“Yeah, I can see that.”

“Well, I didn’t need much space with Howie. We could be together for ages and not irritate each other. He understood my moods, not like any other man I’ve ever known. And when he withdrew into himself that was okay with me, too. These guys have people harassing them all the time. Ya' know—touching them, fixing them, watching them, bugging them for stuff. It’s exhausting. I’m surprised they’re all as normal as they are. Even AJ who’s pretty screwed up is about as down to earth as a person can be in their job. Brent will probably introduce you to them. I liked them all. Nick included. We were very friendly, like buddies….but we still flirted with each other. It seemed harmless enough. AJ’s such a flirt, too and none of us thought anything of it.”

Samantha had never seen Melanie so animated and expressive, but the struggle to make sense of her own angst stood out the most.

“Howie was going to ask me to marry him on New Year’s Eve.”

“Wow! Really?”

“Yes.” Melanie felt her throat constrict at the memory of that day. “I was really freaked, because we were having a party, the caterers were double booked in the morning and weren’t able to give me the whole day. Honestly, when I look back on it now, I sounded like such a princess. Howie got his family and Nick to help. He was his usual sweet and calm, but I realize now that he internalizes a lot of his stuff.

Nick was going to stay with us for the night, and he was behaving just like a dog in heat. It was ridiculous. I was changing in Howie’s and my room and I didn’t know Howie had told Nick to use our shower so he wouldn’t mess up the other washrooms before the party. I was undressed, comparing outfits for the night when I realized he was there. After that, for the rest of the evening, he kept hitting on me, and by the end of the party, I was totally turned on by him.”

Sam realized where the story was going, and she didn’t want to hear anymore.

“Oh God, no! But why? How could you?” Samantha’s face mirrored Mel’s own sentiments.

“Beats me. I slept with my boyfriend’s friend under his own roof. You can’t get lower than that, can you?”

“Were you drunk or something? Maybe...”

“I was feeling little pain, but I was aware of what I was doing. I can’t make any excuses. I wish I knew why I did it.” Melanie sat, shell-shocked, hearing her own admission. She hadn’t put any of it into words.

Sam felt compelled to get up. What transpired between Nick and Melanie was their business.

“I need something to eat. How ‘bout you?”

“No thanks. I’m okay. I’ve upset you. I’m sorry. It’s pretty sordid when you hear it.” Tears spilled down Melanie’s face as she dwelled on her thoughts again.

Samantha took ages in the kitchen, not wanting to resume the conversation. There was nothing she could say that would exonerate Melanie’s actions. And yet, she felt for her roommate. It explained the guarded sadness she witnessed in Mel’s eyes. Her friend was having a terrible time forgiving herself and Sam understood why.

After a few minutes of waiting for Samantha, Melanie resumed her reading. She found herself going over the same words over and over again, having lost the ability to concentrate on her book. She needed to mentally replay her time with Howie, hoping that she would finally comprehend her and Nick’s actions. She had to stop projecting all her anger at Nick for the incident. It was time to move ahead. If she and Howie were meant to be, they would be.

A phone call from Brent drew Samantha from the kitchen. Melanie smiled wryly to herself. Both Sam and Brent had been curious about the situation. Mel got the impression that Nick hadn’t even told Brent what had happened. Now, perhaps, they’d understand why double dating was out of the question.

When Samantha hung up the telephone, she apologized for being insensitive. If she had an inkling that Mel had recently broken up with a serious boyfriend, she would never have tried to hook her up with Nick. It had looked, to her, that they may have had feelings for each other.

“Sam. I think I need to explain more. I...”

“No, s’okay, I don’t want to interfere with your personal business.”

“There’s more that you need to know before you can get the big picture. Howie and I split because of what happened. We didn’t even really talk about it; it just tore us apart. I left when the guys went on tour, which is why I started school in January. The last thing I ever wanted to see again was the Backstreet Boys. And who do you bring home with you, a Backstreet Boy. ” Mel let out a bitter laugh.

“For what it’s worth, Nick has offered to help me get in shape again, while I help him do the same. He thinks that he can get Howie and I back together. I just want another chance, any chance. I love Howie too much to walk away without trying. I guess I blame Nick for our breakup even though I know I’m partly to blame. Beyond the hours I have to spend with him, I don’t want to be around him any more than I have to. I’m sorry if that disappoints you and Brent.”

Samantha shook her head. “It’s alright. I’m surprised you’re willing to be around him at all.”

“Yeah, I guess. Ya know, if it wasn’t for the situation, I’d like Nick. I used to like him a lot, but afterwards...” Melanie paused while she tried to find the words to describe her feelings. “I felt like a pawn in a battle of testosterone. I guess I’m just cynical.”

The confession was cathartic, giving Melanie far more clarity than she’d had in months. While she studied, her mind constantly wandered back to Nick. He wasn’t the enemy. Hadn’t he proven it lately? Being on alert in his company unnecessarily drained her of energy. He had held out the olive branch to her, treating her with respect and dignity. Maybe she was ready to take it and to trust herself again.