From: Portsmouth
Height: Blocking out the Sun
Weight: See "Height"
Age: In the Prime of his Youth, assuming she's willing
Identifying Quote: "I'm twice... no... THREE times the man you are!"
Simon Kettlebottom is the largest and strongest of the Sea-Dogs. Simon is the youngest and smallest in his family (known as the "LandMasses What Walk on Two Legs")and was raised by his family to run the kitchen of their inn in Portsmouth. He was also the brunt of his brother's torments. Simon grew to loathe the kitchen and ran away to sea. After several miserable years as an ordinary and able seamen, the crew found out he knew how to cook. He was given a warrant commission and sent to the galley. While he still is un-fond of cooking, he is at least in charge of the galley. Those who complain of his recipes get something worse. (Once the entire crew got Elk Turd Pie.) He has voyaged to the Holy Land, the Caribee and the Far East. He has been shipwrecked five times and marooned twice. He is also the King of Zamboanga - or so he says.