1. Stop to explain it to the turkeys.
2. Only gig with the pretty people.
3. Have an Ulterior Motive. Make sure your real goal is getting into someone’s pants, rather
than entertaining the crowd.
4. Be really tired and bored.
5. Drop Your Accent, Character or Pants (men only on this last one).
6. There is no number six.
7. Mumble.
8. Say "No" a lot.
9. Refuse to lose the gig, no matter what.
10. Gig with the Landsknecht.
Top Ten Pitfalls of Multi-Guild Gigs
1. Scheduling: The biggest problem is getting
people with different time schedules to get together all at the same with enough time to get
it all done.
2. Tardiness: Even if you find a time when everybody is available, someone will be 20 minutes
late.
3. Objective: Make sure everyone knows the objective of your gig. Especially when gigging
with the Military.
4. Military: Never gig with the Military. They only know one gig, "Threaten You With My Sharp
Pointy Thing".
5. Weapons: Never bring a weapon to a multi-guild gig. There’s always "that guy" who thinks
he’s really in the 1600’s and really really wants to stab someone for really real and would
really really like it if you’d draw on him (so he has an excuse).
6. There is no number six.
7. Losing: When gigging with guilds that are known more for their parade skills than their
acting skills, assume you’re going to lose, for two reasons. A) It’s funny, and B) the other
guys will REFUSE to lose the gig.
8. Winning: Sometimes you win the gig. Try not to act too surprised.
9. Numbers: aka Too much of a good thing. When you get more than 5 to 8 people involved in
a gig, all the audience sees is a bunch of butts. Make sure everybody cheats out and spreads
out. No one wants to watch ten minutes of butts (assuming these are non-seadog butts).
10. Volume: SPEAK UP!!!! Nobody can hear you in the back!
Top Ten Ways to Speak Like a Sailor
1. Yes = Aye or Aye-Aye
2. Stop = Avast! or Belay!
3. Howdy = Ahoy
4. Other sailors = Swabs
5. Friends = Mates or Shipmates
6. There is no number six.
7. Everyone else = Lubbers or Landlubbers
8. Nice ass = Round in the counter
9. Nice tits = Bluff in the bow
10. Chill out, dude = Ease yer sheets, swab
