Heroic Insurance.
 
 

Our hero, as it were, was a middle-level insurance agent with a problem to solve.  His bosses were getting very antsy about their policies in New York.  They were costing them a lot of money thanks to some odd individuals.  It had been passed down to his group to see how best to fix these problem members.  Most of his teammates were thinking about begging the superheros to leave the city, which would be nice if they took the villains with them.  The villains did just as much damage and were usually stopped from doing more by the heros.  It was a quandary that had already sent one person to their therapist in tears and another out of an AA meeting and into a bar.

 How to stop the sixty people working in and around the city that were not only stronger, faster, and thought they were smarter, but also saving the company money.  Our hero, one Gregory Smith, was the last one left in his unit.  He was sitting at his desk staring out the window.

 "There's one of those pests now," he murmured to his hands, which were clasped together holding his chin up.  He watched as the winged person flew around, carefree like he hadn't caused more than seventy million worth of insurance claims that year alone.  Anymore, the insurance companies couldn't even send out investigators.   How were they to prove what false claims were? You couldn't really tell what was a hole in the wall done by a falling superhero or a bullet these days.  He unclasped his hands long enough to smooth back his dark hair, then went back to propping up his chin with it.  "This has got to have an answer."   The winged man suddenly dived and he winced, knowing that something was going to be blown up, torn apart, or simply wrecked.  He was right, the winged man was holding a car up and trying to bash something with it.  Wonderful.  He had an urge for ice cream and the vendor didn't like him.  He took note of the name on the vendor's cart and made a mental note to see if they had his policy as well.  If he was injured due to his own negligence, IE not giving the winged freak his ice cream, then that wasn't their business.

 A small idea struck him just as the vendor handed over the ice cream.  He turned around and picked up his pen, smirking at the paper.  It wouldn't make anyone happy.  It wouldn't make their customers happy in the least, but it would save the company some money.  He wrote out the steps to his proposal, then went to look up the applicable laws online.  It was nice that the internet would spit out whatever you wanted if you knew how to ask it right.  By the time the meeting in the morning came, he was nearly giddy.  He put the finishing touches on his proposal then went to shower in the small one down the hall.  They had spent so much time in this office that he had a few suits hanging in it, just in case he pulled an all nighter.

***

 Gregory Smith sat in front of the Board of Directors.  The heavy hitters were concerned about this too, it was their dividends being messed with and he was the only one who had come up with a foolproof plan.  He cleared his throat as he stood up.  "I believe it's my turn?" he suggested.  His smaller school MBA usually didn't get much attention within the office but this was about to change that.  So what if he hadn't gone to Harvard for it? He had it and he was about to prove he had earned it.  The Director of the board nodded at him to proceed.  "Unlike my colleagues I've come up with a multi-step plan."  He loaded his diskette into the laptop and clicked on the icon to send it through the projector onto the screen behind him.  "As you can see, mine incorporates some of their ideas.  Let me run down through this for you."

 He grabbed a pointer and got out of the way.  "First, we should write a very strong letter to these men, just for formality's sake.  That way they will know that people are displeased with them.  In it we should threaten legal action.  We should also send a letter to the main three villains.  They're businessmen, they should understand this.  If they attack us then they're liable for our damages anyway and we could seize the assets of their companies to fund ourselves."  He coughed and poured himself some water, sipping it slowly.  "Then we should file a class action lawsuit over that incident last month.  There was no reason for that metal suited freak to go into that building.  Nor was there any reason for him to destroy it.  It should not be covered under the agreement the city has with them.  I did some checking, the wording of the agreement says that any damage done while saving the city is free from harassment by the law, not simply losing your temper at your ex-girlfriend and barging in to destroy her apartment complex.  Some people may be sympathetic because she cheated on him but we're in a business here."

 He finished his water and clicked to the next slide.  "There is one more part to my plan that the others did not come up with.  We do not have to cover this sort of damage under the standard policies.  Yes, for the last ten years our home and damage policies have covered any damage done by a superhero, no questions asked, but why should we continue?  We can phase out that part starting with this year's new policies and we should.  Make it a special rider that they have to pay extra for.  That way we recoup some of the money we've lost due to them.  For that matter, we have an insurance policy for most of the superheros to cover them for lawsuits claiming damage.  We really should up their premiums this year because they did so much damage last year."  He clicked to another slide, this one had been shown at their last meeting, it showed how much damage they had paid for over the last five years.  "As you can see, the last two years alone have cost us over six hundred million dollars.  Why are they getting off at bargain basement rates?"  He turned off the projector since he was going last.

 The Director looked at his fellows.  "Any questions?"

 "Wouldn't this plan of yours make some of our policy holders upset?"

 Gregory smirked.  "Not really.  We'd be brave to do it first but the other companies are surely thinking along the same lines.  There's only two companies that will still sell homeowners, renters, or building insurance in this city, and barely any who will sell health insurance.  As is, one of our hospitals had to scramble to find a new carrier last year because of such matters.  If we manage the situation correctly through PR then we should be able to come out ahead.  Even if we end up looking greedy, who are they going to go to?  The superheros won't leave, and even if they move their headquarters the villains will still be here and using the city as a guinea pig.  We're still going to get damage.  It's a fact of life, people don't like us.  They think we're a fine testing ground.  Last month we had the military in here testing something on a few buildings we had to pay for the initial destruction of.  Fortunately, they cleaned up their own mess when their urban assault vehicle messed up."   He grinned.  "Besides, what policy owner *reads* their policies?  We can make the switch slowly, as they have to reup to their policies.  Mentioning it with the salesmen.  Make it a cheap policy but the money will still add up.  The fifty million that alien woman cost us would have been covered by that.  At least we could recoup most of our losses that way."

 "That is interesting, but we would seem greedy," one of his coworkers pointed out.

 "No, we'd be seen as realistic," Gregory countered.  "We do the insurance for over half the city.  Make our letter to everyone say that we don't want to have to do it, but because of their damage to the city, we're having to raise rates and to stop covering their damage done to residents.  Or something of the sort.  I didn't have time to work out the wording properly.  My point is, we can manage this with some light PR and come out far ahead of the curve.  Even if we only break even, it'd be nice."  He sat back down.  "In the end we'll probably end up doing it within ten years anyway.  The damage is only getting worse.  If we do it now and make it a cheap option to start then the policy holder won't be too upset.  But I would definitely start finding out what should and should not be covered.  Splitting them off is the only way I can see of us ever breaking even again."  He winced as something outside crashed, looking outside.  "That was our parking garage," he noted.

 The Board of Directors looked at each other and nodded in unison.  "We like that.  It's very forward thinking," he Director told them. "We could manage the PR."

 "A good PR company would gladly help us.  They haven't had much work since no one wants to put a business inside the city anymore," one of them agreed, he sat on the board of a PR firm as well.

 "The letter would be easy enough to word," the third noted. "Warning them that they are doing that much damage and what the consequences would be, while asking for them to take any battles outside the city might work but I'm not counting on it."

 "We do have a large range of unsellable land outside the city," the usually quiet fourth offered.  "We could offer it to them as their designated fighting spot.  It's already ecologically destroyed and they wouldn't care what seeped into the ground.  They're going to blow it up anyway."  He looked down at Gregory.  "How long were you thinking about the phase out?"

 "As of this moment, most of our policy holders have to sign up every five years.  So within six we should have near-total phase-out.  By offering this special rider we could look very good.  We can offer things that we don't cover now, at least until they got too expensive.  We could even do what some car insurances do and start a list of authorized repairmen that we'd pay fully for them to use, but only seventy or eighty percent if they went outside them."

 "Interesting.  Very interesting," the fourth agreed, looking at his cohorts again.  "It is very forward thinking and we would probably have come to this decision sometime in the future.  They've caused enough damage for each person in the city to have paid over a thousand dollars already.  Even those who haven't been damaged."  He winced as something hit their building and it shook.  Fortunately they had upgraded to the Kyoto standards for earthquake tolerance.  "Shall we write that letter today?  We could even pass on the opportunity to our brethren in the same straits as ourselves.  This is getting ridiculous."

 "It is," the Director agreed.  "Very good thinking, Mr. Smith.  Expect some sort of bonus in your next check."  He stood up and led the Board out of the meeting.

 Gregory leaned back, looking very pleased with himself.

***

 Gregory Smith opened his morning newspaper a few days later and smiled at the headlines.  Their letter had gone to the Mayor, the press, and the heros and villains.  Someone knew their PR and had phrased it very well.  "Listen to this," he told his wife.  "The below-signed companies of the Insurance Industry are lodging an official protest with this letter," he read.  He scanned down it.  "Here we are.  The Insurance companies, while thrilled by your protection, will soon have to stop insuring anyone within the boundaries of New York City.  The payments for the damages you have caused are sending the economy into a tailspin."  He grinned at her.

 "You're taking advantage of that?"

 "They've cost us over six hundred million in the last two years alone," he said, passing it over.  "We sent it to the Mayor, the heros and the villains.  I especially like the part about 'if you wear a spandex or other tight fitting uniform to work in and it is a national symbol of either pride of disgust, then we mean you."  He focused on his cup, warming it up.  He may have some mild abilities but he'd never consider being a hero.  The uniform would look bad on him and besides, he'd have to stay out of it.  Fighting was messy and nasty.  You got hurt a lot.  Why would he want that?  He liked his nice insurance job.  It had healthcare and dental coverage. He looked at his wife again as she burst out in giggles.  "Which part?"

 "The part about your company suing them."  She handed the paper back.  "You can't do that.  The city has an agreement with them."

 He shrugged.  "It only covers job-related damage.  Not the damage caused when one storms into his ex's building to destroy it because he found her cheating.  That's not job- related in the least."

 "People will complain."

 "Dear, we're the only insurance company who will do new business contracts in the city," he told her.  "Because of them, there's only three companies who will do house insurance.  And I hear the ones in LA are facing the same problem with their crop of bulging muscles and lack of brains.   It's getting to be a desperate time.  I personally saw one of them pick up a car to threaten a normal person because the vendor wouldn't sell him any ice cream when he had a sugar fit."  He folded the paper and stood up.  "If they don't move it outside the city, the city will never recover.  People don't want to work in the city.  Even the Mayor's pissed with him because they destroyed City Hall last month."  He kissed her cheek.  "Start looking for a better house, dear.  The range where we suggested is close enough to make me fear for you and any future insurance agents we might have."  She laughed but nodded.  "Thank you.  Maybe we can sell before the market slumps around here," he offered cheerfully.  "There's got to be gawkers and news people who'll want it."  He walked outside and hailed a cab.  There wasn't anyway he was *driving* anymore.  Not after his last car had been crushed in an assault by robotic tanks.

 The cab took him to the train and the train took him to work like every other morning.  He smiled and nodded at the four picketers outside the office to annoy them.  "At least it hasn't been your homes yet," he told them before walking inside.  He went past the security checkpoint with a cheery whistle.  All part of doing business in this day and age, even though it nearly made him late.  He walked into his office and saw a nicely wrapped present on his desk.  He put down his cup and briefcase then went to quiz his secretary.  "Who sent that?"

 She looked up at him, her eyes red-rimmed.  "I don't know, sir, it was there when I got in."  She stood up.  "I have to leave early today.  My husband's truck was just used as a battering ram and he only barely got out of it."

 "Go," he agreed, giving her a pat on the back.  "Tell me if you need more time off so I can hire a temp."  She nodded, leaving the office.  "And tell security I'd like to have this package checked," he called after her.

 "Yes, Mr. Smith," she agreed.  It was on her way anyway.

 "Really, those freaks using vehicles with people still in them.  When will it end?" he muttered as he walked back into his office.  Another claim they'd have to pay.  In his daily mail was the memo about the policy changes.  "Good, they're taking my suggestion but leaving it on the regular health insurance for the rest of the year."  He wrote a quick note to his boss about his secretary's accident, then finished reading the morning mail until one of the security guards got free.

 "Mr. Smith, you got an unasked for package?" the guard asked from the doorway.

 Gregory looked up.  "I did," he said, waving at it.  "I have no idea who it's from but Sheila said it was here when she got here.  Did she make it out okay?"

 "She made it out fine, sir.  We put her into a taxi personally.  What happened?"

 "One of them used her husband's truck as a battering ram while he was still in it.  He managed to escape before the real damage started but he's probably badly off."  He watched as the man used some futuristic scanner that had been developed due to the hazards of working in this city to scan the package, then smiled when it came up clean.  "Stay while I open it," he requested, pulling open the bow.  Inside was a pile of intestines.  "Eww."  He handed it off.  "I'd consider that a threat."

 "As do we, sir.  Thank you."  He saw the letter and looked at it.  "You're one of them?"  He looked at the nice looking man, blinking a few times.  "I didn't know that."

 "I can heat a cup of coffee, nothing more," Gregory defended.  "I don't cause property damage.  Besides, the bosses know it.  I admitted it without them asking."

 "Thank you, sir.  We'll be very careful to keep them away from you."  He bowed and left.

 Gregory sat down and wrote out another email to his boss, then thought better of it and went to tell him.  He found one of his coworkers already spilling what he had eavesdropped.  "He knew that already," he noted from behind him.  The man squealed and got out of his way.  "Really, Higgins.  It's been known throughout the building since I got here.  Personnel knew before they hired me, as did our boss."  He looked at his boss.  "I just got sent intestines in a pretty box for, quote, betraying my own kind, unquote."  His boss laughed.  "Did Sheila tell you about her husband?"

 "She did.  Fortunately he's heading home today.  Broken arm, a few broken ribs, and a concussion.  She shouldn't be out more than a week.  Did you want a temp?"

 "I don't think I'll need one if it's only a week.  You might ask Higgins if he can't get his own coffee though, one never knows."  He looked at his coworker.  "Do you know if we've had a response to the letter yet?  I noticed it was in the morning paper."

 "We delivered it at their sunset meditation," his boss admitted, smirking at him. "They were not impressed.  The messenger was nearly hit but fortunately managed to escape a temper tantrum.  We know they're considering their options and talking to the Mayor, but he's still a bit peeved at them for destroying city hall."  He smirked.  "I suppose you've also seen that your idea was taken and used?"  Gregory nodded.  "It was a good one.  Are you going to be moving?  I noticed you lived out that way."

 "I told my wife to talk to a realtor today.  I figure there'll be someone who'll want the house to be near that sort of thing.  Hopefully we can get in before the market value slumps."  He sipped his coffee.  "Is there anything else coming down the pike for our unit?"

 "We'll be looking over the wording for this new rider later today.  I know you've still got a few corporate clients who call you directly from your time in sales.  We've got a different set for them so you'll want to look them over closely."  Gregory nodded.  "Other than that, it'll be a 'rubber stamping the claims' day.  How was the train ride in?"

 "Scary," Gregory admitted.  "They got the train on the other track from mine.  Fortunately mine had just passed by and I noticed the other wasn't that heavily populated since it was headed out to the suburbs.  Otherwise, we'd have a lot more claims from them knocking it off the track."  He took another sip of his coffee then looked behind him as someone started to shriek. "It's the armor-wearing one," he noted, getting quickly out of the way.  The armor made him twice as strong as the alien one and he had a temper.  A very bad temper according to the girlfriend suing him.  "Good morning," he said.  "Did you send me that lovely package?  I must say, I never thought armor would allow you to tie such an intricate bow."

 "Cut the crap, Smith.  You're betraying your kind."

 "All I can do is heat up my coffee," he said calmly, seeming very complacent.  "I leave the property damage to you and your kind.  By the way, was that thing with the train related this morning or another training incident with the younger members?  We'll need to know for the paperwork."  The superhero looked at him in shock.  "I'm an insurance agent, not one of you.  My job is to guard the financial well-being of this company and my policy holders.  Not to coddle your ideals of self-grandeur.   Like I said, I can only heat a cup of coffee and I'm more than happy enough to have only that most of the time.  I can't image what it's like to live in a mechanized tin can all day and I don't want to know how bad your spandex suit underneath rides up you."  He finished his coffee and tossed the paper cup out.  "Anything else?  Or should I go for a protection order?"

 "You'd better protect yourself," he warned, stomping off.

 "Well, that was fun," Gregory noted.  "I'm going to call my wife," he told his boss.  "There are some irrational people among them."  His boss nodded.  "Was there anything else I needed to do about that?"

 "Fill out a complaint against him for barging in here," his boss said gently.  "That way we have documentation if something happens."  Smith nodded and left.  His boss looked at the other worker under him. "Higgins, you're an idiot.  He just saved us millions of dollars.  They're going to overlook any small kinks in his normalcy, even if they didn't already know.  I knew so they must."  Higgings left, trudging back to his office.  The boss picked up his phone and called security personally.  "We just had one of the heros up here threatening our Mr. Smith," he announced.  "Please."  He hung up and watched as the head of security for the firm came up personally to help his prize worker with the paperwork.  This could get very bad but Smith would survive.  He was nearly indestructible.

***

 Gregory Smith looked at his wife, who was giving the house in front of them a dreamy look.  "It's a bit smaller, dear," he offered.  "I thought you wanted children."

 "We can add on," she offered.  "It's in a gated community.  It's got a security patrol.  It's already got alarms built in.  It's brand new, Greg."  She gave him an adoring look.  "Besides, it's got two spare bedrooms plus the den you'll need."

 He looked at the realtor.  "What happens when I'm forced to out myself as having something minor in the heating up the coffee range?"

 The realtor smiled.  "It's not that bad.  We've got one here who has something in the 'changing into a cat to wander around' range as well.  Most people see that as a reason that they won't be attacked.  You'll have about the same level of hostility overall."  She stepped closer.  "It really is a steal.  Nearly the same amount as your former house.  I had no idea the housing value was going to go up when they agreed to move their major battles out there."

 Gregory shrugged.  "Me either but I suppose the wannabes and all the news outlets would want to be close enough to gawk."  He looked at his wife and smiled, then nodded at the realtor.  "That's fine with us.  It only needs a bit of painting.  I didn't really like the beige walls."

 "That's easily fixed," his wife said, giving him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.  "Thank you, love."

 "You're welcome."   He gave her a real kiss.  "Let's sign the paperwork so we can hire the movers."  She squealed since she wasn't going to have to do all the work herself.  It was a happy day that the value of their house had allowed for such luxuries.  They followed the realtor back to her car.  She was still brave enough to drive.  "How is the cab service out here?"

 "Each morning we get a whole lot of people who train into the city," the realtor offered, opening the doors for them.  "It's not a problem in the least.  Tell the gate guard when you usually leave and he'll make sure one's out here.   It's closer to the train than you were before so that is an additional ten minutes you could sleep in."

 "Greg promised to use the treadmill I bought him for his graduation present," his wife shared.  "That'll mean he'll have time to."

 "Yes, it will," he agreed tolerantly.  He looked out the window as something flew low overhead.  "Was that one of them?"

 "No, that was a plane," she admitted.  She pulled into her office parking lot and let them out, leading them into her office.  "That was odd.  Let me turn on the news."  She flipped on the tv as she worked out the offer with his wife.

 Gregory watched as the breathless news correspondent went on and on about some major threat to the city and the world.  "My company is going to hate that," he muttered, crossing his arms as he watched.  This was bad, very bad.  There were invaders coming, the heros needed backup.  He felt his wife come up behind him and looked at her.  "Want to?"

 "We might have to," she admitted.  "You're not that useful."

 "No, but I'm good at breaking things, it comes with the powers," he reminded her.  It had been proven that the need to break things came with the super powers, it was genetic.  "Come on, we'll go do that now that we've signed the papers."  He nodded at the realtor.  "We're going to do that."

 "I signed your name," his wife promised, heading out with him.  They went home and he pulled his ancient uniform out of the closet.  It was from his time doing his undergrad, when he had played around with the idea, before he had found out how often heros got hurt.  She pulled out her own as well.  She had given hers up to be with him.  She didn't like being messy and sweaty anyway, but thankfully had kept up with her training.  She flew them out on the waves of magnetic current.  Maybe she could be of some real help and maybe not.  If not, she made an excellent bandager, as she had found out in college.

 They landed at the command post and signed in, going to help in their assigned sectors.  Gregory immediately had some machines to break apart by heating the wires while she got to cover him from the air.  Her small telekinetic gift was very handy for throwing things or stealing guns.

 By the time the invasion was cleared, the town was a wreck.  Gregory looked around and sighed.  "My company will not be happy about this," he noted, letting his wife take him home.  He immediately called his boss.  "It's very bad," he warned.  "We managed to destroy a good portion of the downtown area.  No, I only took on the robots.  Heating the wires helped stop them.  My wife stole guns.  The big seven and the big three villains did most of the damage. It should be on the news footage.  They were like ants at a picnic down there."  He chuckled.  "No, we found a house.  We're waiting to hear if they liked our offer.  No, a nice neighborhood, with good security, and a den."  He chuckled again.  "Thanks, boss, but we're hiring movers.  My skills don't lend themselves to moving furniture. Good night."  He hung up.  "I'm going to have a few long nights at the office this week," he told her as he led her up the stairs.  She always got randy after a good fight and he was more than willing to celebrate her way.

The End.