I'm not sorry at all I'm sorry I'm really sorry I have no excuse I humbly beg for your forgiveness I'm prepared to take my own life I'm the lowest form of life I feel horribleI suck for forgetting for neglecting to put my dishes in the dishwasher. to fold the clothes. to empty the trash. to check the litterbox. to pick up my underwear. to tell you about that spot on your dress. to clean my hair out of the drain. to clean out the car like I agreed to. to put the toilet seat down. to say Happy Birthday the moment you woke up. to make the deposit. to tell you about my trip to the ATM. to bring home the Tupperware from the office. to return the movies. to refill the toilet paper.to pick up your mother at the airport to shovel the sidewalk.to pay the bills. I was doing something important I was working on your suprise, I was really out there I was sleeping, I was not thinking clearly, I was helping Vernon, I was on the computer,I was temporarily insane, I was making dinner, I was on my knees worshipping your shrine, I was tired,
and thought it could wait. and thought I'd do it later. and thought you were taking care of it. and thought I'd deal with it this weekend. and thought I'd ask Jordan to help me with it tomorrow. and thought it would take care of itself. and thought about just watching TV. and thought it would just go away. and thought I could get someone else to do it. So I'm thinking about how crazy your family is So I'm sitting in the dark, waiting to die, So I'm wracked with guilt, So I'm dying here, So I'm on the phone with Suicide Hotline, So I'm considering my fate, So I'm obsessing over it, hoping you don't sell me into scientific experiments. hoping you don't leave me. hoping you don't kill me. hoping you don't torture me. hoping you don't put me in The doghouse hoping you don't emasculate me. hoping you don't tell Linda Tripp about this. hoping you don't banish me to the couch for a month. hoping you don't hack it off. hoping you don't make me wear "The Outfit".
Please, just deny it ever happened. Please, cut it off now, or I'll do it myself. Please, accept my apology. Please, let me live. Please, let's withhold judgment. Please, let's cool off for a while. Please, let me make it up to you. Please, I'll never do it again. Please, I'm learning to be a better person. Guys will do this sort of thing. It doesn't mean I'm a bad person. Go have a beer and relax. I'm a butthead. I'm really a nice guy. I'll make you dinner for a month. You knew this about me when we got married. Please don't eat my chinese take-out from yesterday. I promise I'll never do it again. I'm still a fine husband. My grandma can accept me, why can't you? Don't you think you're overreacting? This a familiar pattern in my life, and I'm working on it with my therapist. You have old issues with your parents, and I'm getting blamed. Please help me through this. I'm only a man.
Love, Your loving husband Love, Your loving boyfriend Love, Your loving Significant Other Love, Yer Dude Love, The guy you married Love, Mr. Lucky Love, Mr. Sparky Love, That guy
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