Last Cries

Do you believe in miracles?

A calm fell over my body
It wasn’t my fear of dying
that brought me here
It was my fear of living

The world can be a cruel place
and life, it seems at times,
not worth living
Pain that drives you into yourself
away from the people that love you
Sometimes not intentional
but that is the path pain takes you
Hopeless feelings, black as the night
envelop your whole being
It is this place you fall into
Visits become longer, more frequent
While outside, feeling terribly misplaced
in the play of Life, like a paper doll
So thin, you are easily cut
and bleed
yet no one sees
Shutting yourself off from the life around
There I was

Through the veil it was easy to see
the darkness
and not the lives in front of me
No more feeling the pain of suffering
loneliness, heartache, hopelessness

No more shards of glass
to cut into my skin
trying to bleed
to feel
to be seen
Crimson stains on carpet, on clothes
hiding bruises, cuts
scars within

It was the freedom
the last journey
my choice

And so I took them
the tiny white pills
The only way
that I could see
but they didn’t seem enough
and so I took more

The poison pumped through my body
as I ran, stronger than I ever had
The wind against my face
I was one
Alone

The sickness came in waves
everything was spinning
The sky in blue
and clouds pure white
Sounds were muffled
sighing, crying
Parents were called
It’s like a dream I thought
I was calm
floating

Doctors at the hospital
nurses running by
Bright lights and white sheets
needles that stick
My body, limp
as they pumped what poison they could

I heard the doctor say
not knowing how much has gone through her body
there’s nothing more that we can do
we have to wait and see
but she has a strong heart
and she's young

I couldn’t feel
Was it cold?
My eyes had closed
My body, tired and weak
In my ears
the droning sound of machines
and the last hum
before I drifted away

Slowly, then, I opened my eyes
How much time had passed
hours, days
My body still
flat against the stiff bed
The sound of machines again
The room, all windows
It was cold
and tears poured down my face

I had lived to fear
feared to live
This destiny now borrowed
not chosen
And why
for who, for what
Questions linger

I’d give my life for anyone of you
I’m waiting for a purpose
Here for a reason
Does fear hold the answers
for me
for direction
illumination

I hear your cries
they touch my soul
I am still here
And you are not alone
So I ask again
Do you believe in miracles
because
I do ~fs
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