SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

    In order to insure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from our employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T).

    If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please contact your manager. You will immediately be placed on the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing how much S.H.I.T. you can handle.

    Employees who don't take any S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they are full of S.H.I.T. already and don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore.
 
    If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in training other workers. We can add your name to the BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs and can apply for promotion to the DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.).

    If you have any further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).

BOSS IN GENERAL (B.I.G.S.H.I.T.)

Last updated April 12, 2003