Title : This time around…              

Author : Lochy / Myo Niimura

Pairing : Kaoru X Toshiya

Comments : This is my first fic which i put in here. I hope all of you like it. I dunno why i could write this angst fic in valentine day -_-' . Please don't sue me.

Sorry of bad english...i wrote this in only in one and half hour, and i didn't check it again. Gomenee…

13 Feb 20XX

In this tiny apatoo, I was listening to Jyakura’s single in the CD Player while packing the goods.

I swept my sweat in my forehead… //hiuh this is probably the last boxes I’ll packed// I hope.

Well it’s like Everything’s on the package,  I can realize this small room looked so wide too, well of course only boxes ...boxes …and boxes.

I got up and release my wet t – shirt, it’s all sweaty.

 I went to the several cabinets again and check it one by one …I’m so afraid if there something left…

One rack…two rack…NOPE nothing left… I sighed

Um…the last cabinet …  wait…

Hey!  there’s chocolate box…what is this???. I raised my eyebrows

 I tried to opened it, but it’s quiet hard, hm…it kindda rusty

Here it is, it’s opened…well …this is my pictures and lots of letters…aaa…reminds me of lots of memories, I didn’t notice that I was smiling. I carried them and I went to my small living room which only contains sofa and small table, the stuffs that I didn’t pack yet. I sat lazily and picked some pictures and letters from the chocolate box.

It’s the picture of him…him…and him. I smiled bitterly now. I remembered why I put all of this in the rusty chocolate box, and in the last cabinet. Because it’s too hurt, it was a year ago I broke up with him, and I was so messed up, so depressed, so DOWN. Then I moved to this little apato… I know it’s not supposed to be like this, but I wanna get away from the heavy lights, partying , etc etc. And soon I’ll move again. I’ll go back to Nagano, throw away my music skills and have a new life by working at my uncle’s office. Thank god, my parents and the family still remembered me and held me as family members. Although My parents hate my job.

Toshiya…why you doing this?, I spoke to myself.

It’s been a year…time rolling passed by, Now I’m here just me, myself and memories

Still remembered clearly…your last lovely smile you gave to me

I never ever tried to fill my empty heart with other man…I let myself in the emptiness

IF I…have to loved again…it’s only to be with you…or I’ll let myself carried my this emptiness

It’s ONLY you who could embrace me… a very gentle embrace and kissed me when I cried.

No more tears came out from my eyes… it’s all hurt, the pain in my heart felt so real.

I throw away the pictures and all the love letters.

It’s 23.30 …

I tried to sleep, my body was wrecking up but not my eyes, I tried to cover my eyes with pillow, but it’s useless.

I jumped from my bed, went back to the living room. I was looking for my pills…sleeping pill is the answer!! I though.  His pictures and the love letters still on the floor and I didn’t care. I opened the boxes clumsily one by one , and  I finally found it. I drag it 2-3 pills… well I’m not really remembered, it’s all gloomy…a very gloomy situation. Damn!! I hate myself!! Why should I found that things!!.

Went back to my bed, and tried to sleep. Good things that the pills were working so fast.

+++

14 Feb 20XX

I woke up at 10.00 o’clock.  It was raining hard. My head was little bit hurt. I cursed myself and I cursed the day.

// HAPPY VALENTINE , TOSHIYA!!// I greeted myself

//Why it’s fuckin’ raining!! //deep sighed…I hate rain.

I took a bath, just a morning routine.

Suddenly my keitai denwa rang. It’s quite shocking…my cell was kindda useless for months. Well...coz nobody contact me.

“Moshi moshi…” I answered

“Toshiya-kun desuka???” I knew this guy’s voice.

“Yeah…Die-san…genki?” I replied

“Can you go to  XX hospital right now?? “ I yelped

“What’s wrong Die??” My heart stomped hard.

“Just…please go here…NOW!!” I could feel Die was in despair.

I changed my clothes, and hurriedly went out.

//What’s wrong???//

//Why ?? Who…is it him??//

//No way!!//

The unclearly questions were lingering my head. My heart still stomped hard. I went to the hospital as fast as I could do.

+++

I saw his parents, his relative, his friends…Kyo, Shinya, Die, etc etc. All were in bad mood and gloomy. Everybody was looking and stares at me. Suddenly my breath was so hard.

Shinya approached me, and held my hand.

“You have come…thank you very much” He embraced me.

He was whispered me. “We’re so sorry Toshiya, but he need you…Kaoru in coma”

The words were shooting me. I couldn’t breathe at all. I felt like this is the hardest punishment to me.

“No way…!!!” I screamed.

“Please…go see him…” Shinya forced.

“Why?? Why?? What’s wrong??” Then I was cried…I was so worried.

Die and Kyo joined us and went to his room.

I saw him…laid down in there…so quite, so in silence.

He was so pale and cold.

The doctor was checking the tubes, and the monitor

“Toshiya…a-a-actually Kaoru got lung cancer. He realized it a year ago…” Die explained.

“……”

“Here’s a letter for you… he wrote it last week, before he in come” Shinya took it from his jacket.

Dear Toshiya

Hi…it’s me, Kaoru.

How are you? Maybe…when you read this letter, I would be die or in coma, But before I leave this world. I just wanna told you that I love you so much. I love you so much so I can’t hurt you for a second.

You’re my one and only love…I promise.

I don’t wanna see you sad and cry.  My time is not much, and I want my precious one would be stronger. I’m ill Toshiya… a very bad disease. I don’t wanna see you struggling with me, see me weak, or…see my hair bold because the chemotherapy. 

So after you read this letter, I hope you don’t angry, I never wanna break up with you, but the fate…I can’t get away from the fate …in the end I just wanna see you , your lovely smile, your innocent smile. And your truly love to me in heaven. I’m so sorry that I can’t make you happy. You have to live on Toshiya.

Loved,

Kaoru

PS : Next week is valentine already…before I can’t say it to you, I say it right now.

        Happy Valentine…Toshiya-chan, There’s chocolate for you, ask Shinya then.

I dropped the letter. My emotion was blow up. I ran towards him and hold him tight.

“Kaoru…wake up!!! Wake up!!”

“ You can’t leave me…I need you!! I need you!!”

“I ALWAYS LOVE YOU”

My voices filled the air…screaming voice and sobs. I prayed fervently as I clutched both his hands to my chest, tears rolling over them.

I looked his pale face, and I didn’t get away from his sight.

“I’m here Kao…It’s me toshiya…” I sob.

He opened his eyes… and smiled…

His last smile…

+++

14 Feb 20XX

 A year Later…

“O hayoo...Kaoru!!! Happy Valentine” I opened the windows.

I feel the breeze and hear the bird chirped. I smiled

Life must go on…it’s your messages to me, Kaoru.

I took a box of chocolate that I already bought yesterday. A dark chocolate…it’s Kaoru’s favorite.

We’ll meet again Kaoru…

Zutto…aishiteru … I smiled.

~end~

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