When Angels Fall
Chapter
four - Declaration
Janet Fraiser approached the group standing in the hall. She shrugged her shoulders and then rolled them as she rubbed her neck to try to ease the tension. They stopped talking as she walked up to them.
“Well, I was pretty close to calling it right. A latent head injury was causing pressure and that, along with the PTSD and sleep deprivation, caused the bizarre behavior. I think we’ve pretty much been able to take care of it, at least the physical portion. Your healers were able to lessen the swelling and with sleep and therapy, I think I’d give a guarded, but optimistic prognosis.”
“I’m going to recommend a one to two month leave from active duty, followed by light liaison duty here with the Tok’Ra for up to three additional months, so that they can continue to manage the head injury recovery and the therapy for the PTSD. I’m not going to report the incident that happened. If I do, it will go into her record as a psychological episode of the most extreme behavior. I don’t want to do that if I can avoid it. I’m going to assume that none of you told me about it when I next come to see her, unless it continues. Then as you know I’ll have no choice, but to include it.” Janet looked from one to the other as she made her report.
“She can’t have something like on her record, Janet. You know what would happen. She’d be assigned to a desk if they didn’t force her into a medical discharge. She doesn’t deserve that.” Daniel spoke up.
“I agree right now, Daniel, which is why I’m pretending I don’t know anything about it. But…,”
“That isn’t going to happen, Janet,” Jacob spoke up belligerently. “I don’t care what you tell them. Tell them she’s P.O.W. for all I care, but she isn’t going to be forced to leave the airforce or take a desk job for no reason. I’ll keep her here permanently before I let her be forced into a desk job she’d hate.”
“I agree for now, but you know as well as I do that if the therapy doesn’t work and Sam can’t work through this, she could be a liability or a danger to her own team. I won’t let that happen and neither would you. For now, I’m leaving it that she’s going into therapy and staying here as I said. I’m also stating that in my opinion she and Dr. Jackson will be able to work through her memories of the capture and subsequent torture. I’m not going into detail of what all occurred. She’s going to have to pass a psychological exam and we all know that right now she couldn’t. I think my recommendation is the best we can do. I’m stressing the head injury and sleep deprivation due to a too heavy workload after returning from captivity as to why I’m making this recommendation.”
Giving it some thought, Daniel said, “I think you’re right, Janet, and I also think that Sam will work through this. She’s a very strong person. I have faith in her and we’ll all do everything we can to help her. So you think they’ll go for me staying with her?”
“Yes, because I’m going to put into my report that she’s opening up to you and therefore I feel it is imperative that you remain and continue to help her through the memories of her ordeal. The nice thing about being the Chief Medical Officer is that I can pretty much assure some things if I’m adamant enough and on this I’m going to be since she’s here and you won’t allow any other doctor to take care of her.” Janet shrugged as she put the idea into their heads.
“So, basically you’re saying you aren’t going to do anything yet about her episode earlier and depending on how she does you may never mention it at all. I can live with that,” Jacob said.
“Good. Now, one other thing, I know the Tok’Ra aren’t into pets, but I really think you need to consider leaving Tashmar with her. I know you don’t believe it, but she needs him, right now. She’s bonded with it because it accepted her just as she is. I really think that separating them right now would be a mistake. Not one she wouldn’t recover from by any means, but it would be just one more emotion she’d have to cope with, if you know what I mean.”
She grinned at Martouf, “You should be flattered. It’s not everyone who gets a three-foot long lizard named after them. And it seems to like you, too. From what I’ve observed, it doesn’t like everyone. It seems there are a few people around that it doesn’t want around Sam, so they’ve graciously agreed to stay out of her room.”
“Now if you gentlemen wouldn’t mind,” she said, looking at Daniel, “Why don’t you and Jacob walk me to the gate while Martouf goes and sits with Sam. They are going to keep her in your infirmary for the next 24 hours, monitor her and keep her pretty sedated, but she’ll awaken now and then so one of you might want to be with her when she does. Try not to let her wake up to strangers. I expect her to awaken soon, so Martouf, you might want to head on in there. I’ll get my stuff and be right back,” she said, before she turned to walk back to the infirmary to get her things.
“Jacob, I thought you said those things were nasty tempered?” Daniel asked him again, not having received an answer the first time.
“We thought they were. Every time they see one of us, they hiss. We just assumed they were nasty tempered and aggressive.”
“Well, evidently they were just saying hello, or maybe the ones you saw were protecting their territory. This one sure seems to like Sam. Did you see it nudge her to pet it?”
“Yeah, I saw it. How the heck are we supposed to know what to feed it?” Jacob asked exasperated.
“I suggest we assign someone it likes to take it to the surface to hunt for itself. It seems fairly intelligent, it will soon learn why it is there if we help it a time or two.” Martouf said hopefully. “If Janet thinks we should keep it for Samantha, then I believe we should attempt to do so.”
“Then you better hope it takes a liking to Garshaw because if it doesn’t, it’ll no doubt have to find a new home,” Jacob said testily. Daniel grinned and Martouf looked pensive.
All three were startled to hear Garshaw say, “Your hope has been answered, Jacob, for Tashmar and I get along fine. He found and destroyed a rather large bug that transported down into the tunnels during the coming and going while we searched for Samantha. As he seemed to relish it, I imagine that is his primary food source,” She said, in her usual measured tone. “I wished to find out how Samantha is doing.”
“Janet said there was a head injury that went undetected, she thinks the combination of that, and sleep deprivation caused the bizarre behavior. Martouf is going to stay with Sam. Daniel and I are waiting on Janet to return to take her to the gate,” Jacob explained.
“Excellent. I am most happy to hear it. There will be a council meeting this afternoon, Jacob; I would like you to attend along with Martouf. If Dr. Jackson would sit with Samantha?” She questioned. “We also have given you quarters next to where she will be once she leaves the infirmary. I hope your stay with us will be as pleasant as possible under the circumstances.”
“Thank you, Garshaw, but please, call me Daniel. If I’m to be here for quite some time, I’d prefer it if we’d drop the formality.”
“Very well. Do ask for anything you find you need and if possible we will provide it.”
Turning to Jacob she asked, “Is there anything special that Samantha requires? We are sending a party for supplies.”
“Not that I know of right now. If I or anyone else thinks of anything, we’ll tell them. Thank you,” He replied.
“Very well, I’ll see you and Martouf later,” She said, as she headed down the hall.
“I am going to go to Samantha now,” Martouf said, as he saw Janet Fraiser headed toward them. I will see you later when you come to sit with Samantha, Daniel.”
“I’ll be there,” Daniel agreed
Martouf sat beside the sleeping platform and stared at the lizard, as it stared back at him. It blinked slowly at him and he shook his head. The lizard came over to him and laid its head on his lap. Gingerly he lifted his hand and stroked it as he had seen Samantha do in the hole. It turned its head to get the stroking in a place of its liking and made a low silky hissing sound. Martouf pulled his hand back, startled, and watched as the lizard crawled closer and pushed his hand with its nose and then lightly flicked him with its tongue.
“I told you he likes you,” Samantha whispered form the platform. Martouf jerked, startling Tashmar and sending him scurrying a foot or so away. “You startled him. You should reassure him that you didn’t mean to. Sam spoke in a throaty whisper. “I’m thirsty,” She said, and then asked, “Do you think Tashmar is thirsty too?”
“I do not know, Samantha, but I will see if we can get him some water,” he offered, as he leaned forward to get her a drink of water. Tashmar came back to him and laid next to the sleeping platform
“Tell me, my heart, how did you manage to make a friend of him? We have only had them hiss at us.”
Sam’s brow furrowed as she tried to remember. “I was thirsty and I knew I’d have to have water before the sun came up. I found some brush and figured there was probably some water close by and after looking for a while I found a small pool. Unfortunately, Tashmar was there, too. Anyway he started to hiss and stomp at me like lizards sometimes do so I stood up really tall and stomped at him and he moved back from the water.”
“I drank as much as I could because I didn’t know when I’d be able to get more or how hot it would get. I washed,” she stopped and swallowed, “washed your blood off of me, and I rested for a little bit. He drank some water, too, but when I left to try to find a place to hide, he followed me.”
“When I fell into the hole he,” her lips trembled and Martouf clasped her hand as he sat down next to her on the platform, “he climbed down to me and licked me to wake me up, I think. He wouldn’t leave me; he just lay down next to me and rubbed my hand until I started to stroke him. After that, he made that hissing sound and put his head in my lap. And he killed that bug and brought it to me. I think he decided I needed help, but he didn’t know what to do. Since I didn’t hurt him when he threatened me, he decided I could be trusted, I guess. At least, I like to think so. And he helped me when I fell. I didn’t disgust him because I fell,” she said softly, as she gazed at the lizard that lay on the floor beside her bed. He hissed softly, and Sam smiled even as a tear slowly made its way down her cheek.
“I hate this, Martouf. I almost never cry. Why can’t I stop? Janet says it’s the trauma and that as I work through it, it will stop. She said, in the meantime, I’m going to be a watering pot. How are you going to stand being around me?” she asked, as her lips continued to tremble.
“Samantha, before the head injury caused you to become so confused, I was lying on the sleeping platform and holding you. May I do so now, please? Lantash and I need very much to hold you in our arms. We love you and we do not care if you cry all the time you are with us, as long as you are here,” he told her softly.
“Lantash has never said he loves me, Martouf. I don’t think you should put words in his mouth. If he loves me he’ll tell me when he’s ready,” Sam replied.
She watched the change that came over him and marveled at how different they each looked even though they shared the same body. “Samantha, Martouf speaks for both of us.” He looked down at their clasped hands and continued, “I remember our first meeting. We explained that Martouf and I loved as one and mourned as one. That has not changed, beloved. Both of us loved you yesterday before we told you, we share that same love for you today, and when the morrow dawns we will love you more than we do this day. Our love for you will only grow, never falter, this I promise you,” he said gently. Looking up into her blue eyes, that looked almost too large for her pale face, he said, “Now, may we lie with you and hold you, our Samantha? Do you think that Tashmar will allow it?” He asked lightly.
“Yes, oh, yes. Please hold me, Lantash. I want to be in your arms so much,” she said, as she smiled a little at him. Looking down at Tashmar, she said, “If he complains, stomp at him. He seems to understand that."
Carefully lying next to her, he put his arms gently around her and rested his cheek on the top of her head. She felt the deep breath he took before he said, quietly, “Do you think you can ever care for me, Samantha? I know you will come to love Martouf, but will you ever be able to accept me? I am all too aware that you find the idea of having a symbiote within you disgusting. If I could change my physical appearance, I would, but I cannot. Knowing how you feel about our race, I have tried to remain quiescent, so that you were not constantly reminded of what I am, what Martouf is. That is why I have not come forward to tell you of my feelings. I did not want to fill you with disgust.”
Sam gasped, startled by his words. Turning and raising her head slightly she said to him, “No, no don’t think that. I love you both. I don’t feel the same as I did at first. You must understand, Lantash, I had a very bad experience with Jolinar. But, now, looking back, I wish I’d gotten to know her. I no longer feel that I wouldn’t want to be blended either. I know that someday, I probably will choose to do so. I’ve given it a lot of thought and actually, I feel that it could be very enlightening. I don’t wish you to always allow Martouf to be the one with me. I-I want you both.” Gasping she said quickly, “Oh, that sounds so, so bad.”
Lantash chuckled and pulled her head down to rest against his chest. “No, it sounds very wonderful, my heart,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “If the healers come in and find I am keeping you talking instead of letting you sleep, they will make me leave. So sleep, beloved and I will keep watch and protect you.” Hearing a hiss, he looked down and rephrased his words, “Tashmar and I will protect you.”
He heard her laugh sleepily and closed his own eyes. He was tired; he would just rest his eyes for a moment. Neither of them felt the lizard climb onto the platform and curl up at their feet. The healer that came to check on her patient grinned and left after a quick look and check of her readouts. All three were sleeping peacefully.
Daniel found the trio in much the same position when he came to relieve Martouf an hour and a half later. Tashmar had moved up and was lying on the other side of Sam, with his head resting on her hip as she was curled on her side with her arm wrapped around Martouf and her head on his chest.
Hearing a sound, he turned and saw Jacob standing nearby. “What do we do? Should we wake him?” Daniel whispered.
Jacob shrugged, “Garshaw was pretty specific that she expected him to be there, so I guess we should,” he whispered back.
“That will not be necessary Jacob,” came a quiet voice from the bed. “I am awake.” Opening his eyes, he looked at Daniel and asked, “Can you slip in as I slip out?”
At Daniel’s nod, they began the exchange process. “So Tash doesn’t bite?” Daniel whispered.
Martouf shook his head, “It does not appear so, at least he does not seem to threaten those he likes. You must ask Samantha how she made friends with him. It is an interesting story.”
“She awoke shortly after I came in and was awake for perhaps twenty minutes. We fell asleep and as far as I know she has only moved into her present position, which she did without awakening. I will return as soon as the meeting is over to relieve you.”
“I took a nap, too. I’m all right. You go do whatever you have to do and don’t worry about Sam. I won’t leave her alone, I promise you.”
Looking at the man now lying in his place, Martouf took a breath and nodded abruptly. It looked strange seeing Daniel holding his Samantha, but it also looked right. It bothered him that it was so. It should not look right, should it? He frowned as he gazed at them and when Daniel looked up from studying Sam’s face and caught his eye, Martouf flushed.
They hadn’t heard Jacob leave, but they were alone. He felt uncomfortable, but Daniel said to him, “She’s special to me, Martouf, you know that. Stop worrying about it.”
“I am not exactly worrying about it. It is just that the two of you look very right together, as if it is a normal and comfortable thing for you to be lying together. And I feel no jealousy which I find,” he paused, “Odd.”
“Well, it probably looks normal because we’re comfortable together. We’re teammates and we’ve slept together before for various reasons. You aren’t jealous because you know that we don’t care for one another in ‘that’ way. Stop worrying about it and be glad you’re not jealous. If you were, we’d have a problem, because Sam and I are very close and we always will be. Now, go to your meeting and know you don’t have to worry about her,” Daniel reassured him.
Martouf nodded and turned to leave, but turned back, “If Tashmar gets restless, and starts to bother her, you can calm him by rubbing the top of his head or under his chin. He appears to be content with either.”
With those instructions he left the room and so didn’t see the grin that Daniel sent his way.
Laying his head back, Daniel slowly and gently pushed the hair back off of Sam’s face. The healers had healed her skin and the bruises that had been so livid were gone. He assumed the lash marks that had crisscrossed her back had also been healed along with those that had covered her stomach and legs. Thinking about what they had found when they had finally gotten to Sam in the stronghold made Daniel feel nauseated. God, he hoped he never saw anything like it again. Thank god, she had been unconscious and didn’t know they had seen her tied like that.
Lantash had already killed Gamtesh and disintegrated him so that he couldn’t be revived. If he hadn’t, Daniel wasn’t sure what he would have done to him, but he was sure he wouldn’t have left before making sure he suffered.
Lantash hadn’t arrived until after they had cut Sam down and put some clothes on her. Had he come in and seen what they had seen, Daniel was sure he would have realized earlier what had happened.
They should have put Sam in the sarcophagus, but she had revived and when she realized they were truly there, she had insisted on setting the prisoners free and forcibly taking the girls with them. After two days, they had contacted the Tollan and taken the girls to them. They were fitted with the devices to give the girls control while they awaited the arrival of the Tok’Ra and the healers and equipment they needed to remove the Goa’uld. They could have taken the girls with them, but they were themselves moving to another new home world in something of a hurry, and it was deemed best to do it the way they had. The rest, as they say, was history.
Daniel awoke with a start to see Lya and Nafrayu standing over the bed where he was lying with Samantha in his arms. He squinted up at them and reached up to straighten his glasses. “Lya, um, hi.” He watched as Nafrayu moved to pet the lizard that was still on the bed with them. “His, um name is, um, Tashmar,” he murmured, as the boy reached the reptile.
“Where er, um, what are you doing here?” He looked quickly around and decided they were still on the Tok’Ra base.
“The Tollan contacted us and told us what had happened to Carter. Although there is little we can do for this type of injury, Nafrayu wished us to come anyway,” She said, as she smiled at Daniel. “I am sorry that we cannot do more for her. I would like to do a healing session though and see if it perhaps gives her more physical strength to call upon.”
“Lya,” Daniel gave her his sweetest smile, the one Sam always swore could charm the birds from the trees or the women from their clothes if he’d just remember to use it. The fact that it wasn’t something he used in that way, but was spontaneous and therefore sincere, made it all the more potent. Lya was no more proof against it than others before her were, and she smiled in return as she realized that Daniel was finally awake enough to see her. “Lya,” he repeated, “It’s really great of you and Nafrayu to come even if it’s only to see her.”
Somehow knowing what Daniel was not saying, she said, “What happened to her was not her fault. She should not blame herself. While we cannot heal her mind, with your permission, we can perhaps lessen the effects.”
As Daniel nodded and attempted to ease himself away from Sam, Lya placed her hand on him, “It is not necessary that you get up, Daniel. She is resting peacefully at the moment, do not disturb her.” With another smile she said, “Come, Nafrayu, we will do what we can.”
A short time later, Nafrayu touched Sam lightly on the cheek, smiled at Daniel, and they were gone. Daniel shook his head. Was ‘he’ hallucinating now or had they actually been there? Looking over at the color in Sam’s cheeks and the slight smile on her lips, he decided they must have been. Suddenly Lya was back. “We will return in a few of your weeks, Daniel, to check on you.” As she disappeared again, Daniel smiled softly and settled more comfortably on the platform. Maybe he’d take another nap.
It had been six weeks since Jacob had brought his daughter to the Tok’Ra base on Corlatt and he had to admit he was worried about her. She would appear to do well for a few days, only to start having nightmares again.
She had talked to Arwanna, one of the Tok’Ra healers who at one time had been an agent, and gone through a similar, although less vicious captivity. What they talked about no one knew, for Sam still refused to discuss it with anyone, but her. They had become friends and often walked on the surface at night, taking Tashmar for a hunt, and talking. Many times those nights Martouf and Lantash were awakened by Sam’s screams and they held her as she sobbed out her fear and pain.
All three of the men to whom she meant so much were worried. This was why they were all waiting to see Arwanna. When she entered the room and saw them there, she sighed. She could not tell them anything. She had promised Samantha she would reveal nothing of what was told to her. She would not break that confidence.
Smiling pleasantly anyway, she approached them saying, “What can I do for you? None of you look injured or unwell,” she said, almost cheerfully hoping to put off the inevitable.
“We wish to speak to you of Samantha,” Lantash came bluntly and quickly to the point. “She is waking up with nightmares every night you go for a walk.”
Looking surprised, she asked, interested, “Does she never have them otherwise?”
“Occasionally, but it is random. When she has talked to you she always has one,” Lantash answered. “It seems to disturb her greatly. I am wondering if you should perhaps not discuss it at night.”
Arwanna looked thoughtful, and then said, “Perhaps, but I cannot get her to speak of it in the light of day, Lantash. The darkness allows her to talk more freely. We are doing quite well actually. She is remembering more all the time. Things she buried as too painful to remember are coming to the surface. I hope that soon she will be able to recall everything and then begin to come to terms with it. She has not yet had an angry response. I am waiting for it to happen and I would appreciate knowing about it, in case she does not think to tell me.”
“Why?” Daniel asked, frowning.
“Because until she becomes angry and places the blame on the perpetrator she will continue to feel herself to blame in some way. Intellectually, I believe she knows she is not to blame. Emotionally, she has not yet arrived at that conclusion.”
“What can we do to help her?” Jacob asked.
“Exactly what you are doing although I believe that she needs to talk to Daniel. I believe she has some unresolved feelings about being left behind. Perhaps you should walk with her some night Daniel, in my place. I know the two of you are close and she depends on you during the day to keep her occupied and busy. Perhaps,” she said slowly, “too busy. She is using things to keep from confronting what has happened to her. As long as she is busy she does not have to think, you see.”
“I’ll go with her tonight,” Daniel said.
Bowing her head in agreement, she said, “All right. Have you and Selmak attempted to talk to her Jacob?”
“No. I know I should, but it’s a subject I find myself unable to broach to her. Unfortunately, sexual things aren’t as easy to discuss on earth as they are in other cultures.” Jacob colored slightly.
“But, this is not a sexual matter, Jacob, it is a matter of violence that used her sex to inflict pain and degradation on her. I believe they are two different things. I will not insist, however, because if you have these feelings then chances are good that as your daughter, Samantha also has them.” She was frowning in deep thought.
She nodded suddenly and then turned back to Jacob, saying, “I believe you should not approach that subject with her, however the torture and captivity are matters you could broach. I do not want you all to decide to talk to her at once, however if the opportunity arises, I do not want any of you to avoid it.”
As they each nodded, Daniel said, “Okay, so I’ll make an effort to walk with her tonight. You always go about the same time every evening?”
“Samantha takes Tash out each night at the same time. I do not always go. However, having thought about it, I would prefer that you did not go with her tonight. There is something else I think should be assessed first. If you have no more questions I wish to talk to Lantash and Martouf alone,” she surprised them all by saying.
“I don’t have anything else except to ask when you want me to go with her and try to talk to her?”
“Wait until tomorrow evening, please.”
“Okay, no problem,” he said, as he turned to Jacob. “I’m hungry, you want to go see if we can find anything to eat and maybe some of that stuff they think is like coffee?”
“Sure, Daniel, come on and I’ll get you something for those cravings. See you tomorrow, Lantash.”
As the two men left the room, Arwanna turned to Martouf and Lantash, “I have a very important question to ask you. Have you mated with or attempted to mate with, Samantha?” She asked bluntly.
TBC
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