When Angels Fall
Chapter six - Healing
It was almost dawn. Lantash would have to awaken them soon to return to the tunnels. They had not been asleep for long, but he could not allow them to stay here once the sun arose. It had been a long and emotion filled night. When finally Samantha had brought herself to begin speaking of her ordeal, it was as if a damn had burst and her words had flowed like a river. At first, the recital of what had taken place had been in a flat unemotional voice, but soon it contained all the emotions she had felt. Fear, loathing, rage and pain were just a few of them.
Regaining consciousness in a prison surrounded by the dead and dying had been the first horror. Next had been the guards and their games to pass the time in the stinking hell-hole they had put her in. The first attack and rape had surprised and frightened her. Subsequently, she had learned how to tell when it was about to happen again.
Then after two or three days, she really didn’t know for sure, she had been taken and bathed and dressed along with the other women who were still alive. They had been taken into Gamtesh. Samantha’s blond beauty had stood out and she had immediately been chosen for his harem.
She had believed being in the prison was the worst that could have happened; she believed wrong. The first time they had taken her, she had fought. For that, she had spent two days having her bones broken and then waking in the sarcophagus. After that, the days had run together for her. The other women were terrified and the first time he had used her as a concubine she had found out why. He was into pain. And blood. And he always wanted an audience so the guards were brought in to watch, or participate depending on what he wanted done. Sam had soon become a favorite because her pale skin showed the blood so much brighter than the dusky skinned ones. And she had stamina that most didn’t. She didn’t die as easily. It took her longer.
Then Taira and Serata had been brought in. Sam couldn’t stand the thought of the young girl being abused by him, so she had begun to hide her and make herself available to the guards so that they would choose her for their games… and his. But, in the end he had taken them and made them hosts for his children and Sam had once again fought them.
Finally, Lantash knew what Daniel and his team had seen when they had found her in that room, and he had to use every suppression and numbing technique he had to keep Martouf from being violently ill. At the time. After she finally cried herself to sleep in his arms, he had laid her gently down and he had gone far enough away that she would not hear and he had cried and been violently sick several times.
And, he realized that Daniel had known all along, and that was why he often looked so sick when he looked at her, and he thought no one was looking. He had shared this pain as if it was his own, as he and Martouf were doing now. How was she living with these memories? He did not know, but he knew that he loved her more than ever. They would join as soon as he could arrange it and get her consent. Never would she have to wonder if he loved her still.
He looked over at patient Tash, who had stayed near her during the entire time; through all the tears and the anger that had finally come. Through the screaming and crying and fighting, for she had fought with Lantash like a tiger in her anger, and all he could do was keep her from hurting herself, although he had let her hurt him. And, he had cried on the inside, as she had cried on the outside.
Finally, she had cried herself to sleep. And, he had allowed Martouf to come forward, so that he could heal his many bruises and scratches while Martouf was sick for both of them. And, he had kept watch and thought and relived and relived and relived.
How could she survive this and heal? She was fine physically, but would she ever heal emotionally? Hearing soft steps, he quickly turned to address whoever approached. It was, of course, Daniel.
Stopping a few feet away, he nodded a greeting, his eyes going to Samantha’s tear-stained face and tangled hair and then he smiled slightly, walked to the rug, and sat on the edge of it.
“So, she finally told you. I’m glad, she needed to be able to know that your love would remain regardless. It will remain, won’t it?” Daniel looked at Lantash. He had taken control, being careful to keep Martouf asleep.
“Yes. She did. You knew,” Lantash looked at him with respect. “You knew it all, and you shared it with no one. When did she confide in you, Daniel? Or was it the attendants and the girls while we were on the Tollan world?” He asked quietly.
“I learned a great deal from Serata. They, as much as possible, as you know, protected Taira. Until she was taken as a host. The attendants told me a lot. Sam, well, Sam told me the rest the day you had the council meeting. Lya and Nafrayu came while you were gone. No one ever mentioned them, so I assumed they used their abilities to simply move themselves to us. They can’t heal the mind like they can the body, but Lya did something. It calmed Sam, and when she woke up she was able to tell me things, things I didn’t already know. I think that maybe Lya moved the knowledge of my information to Sam or something, because she was brief about all the things I already knew, and talked mostly of things I had no knowledge of.”
“I think it helped some, as Lya knew it would, but not enough, also as Lya knew. But, it allowed her to get to a point where she could begin to talk of at least parts of it with Arwanna. And that, in turn, led to this episode with you. She’s exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted. I believe this will help her, depending, of course, on how you handle what you have learned and how you treat her. She’s very fragile right now,” Daniel had explained softly, so as not to awaken her. “I sincerely hope that it hasn’t changed your feelings for her.”
Lantash smiled, wryly, “You do not trust me and yet I have done nothing to show myself as less than honorable.”
“That’s very true, actually. I think I’d feel the same about any man who wanted to take Sam from us. We’ll miss her very much. She’s very special and dear to all of us, but perhaps more so to me. She has been there for me on many occasions, and I, well, I decided a long time ago that I’d also be there for her. So, you still haven’t answered my question. Has what you’ve heard changed your feelings for her?”
“If it is possible, I love her more now than ever. Is that what you wished to know?” Lantash asked.
“Yes. And although I know you would wish to let her sleep, the sun will be up soon, and she’d rather return to her room without an audience. Besides, Tashmar looks like he’d like to go home,” Daniel said, as he smiled at Lantash. “What do you say we take them there?”
“An excellent idea, Daniel. If I carry Samantha can you get the rug?” Lantash asked.
“Yes, I think so. And Tash will follow Sam, so we don’t even have to worry about him.”
Nodding, Lantash woke Martouf and then he bent to pick up Samantha. However, before he lifted her, he turned to Daniel, and said, “One last question. Why did you tell no one?”
“Because it wasn’t my place. I knew Sam would tell you when she was ready, and besides what she told me was in confidence,” Daniel said quietly.
“And yet by sharing it you might have shared the pain, for you felt it, did you not?” Lantash spoke his voice equally solemn. As the two men stared at one another, Lantash’s eyes widened.
“You told Jacob you would tell him, but you have not. You have told him only that which you could color lightly and keep his curiosity dampened. I thank you for that. There is no need for him to know of this. His pain as her father would be great.”
“Yes. I know. Now come on, lets get these two home and in bed. I don’t think Tash likes it out here.”
Agreeing, Lantash leaned down, lifted Samantha
into his arms, and held her against his heart, as they made their way back to
the tunnels. She snuggled close to him,
but did not awaken.
“So, Daniel, you ready to come home yet?” Jack O’Neill picked up a doohicky in the room they were in and looked at it closely.
“Jack, that’s Anise’s and I doubt she’d appreciate it if you screw up her readings. And, I don’t know when I’ll be back. Whenever Sam no longer needs me. It’s only been a little over eight weeks, you know. Sam still has a lot of pain and anger to work through.” Daniel reached over and removed the instrument. “Freya won’t be able to protect you, leave stuff alone,” he said, exasperated.
“So, Daniel, is the snake still attracted to you? I mean, we know she was before, so is that a, ah, problem for you?”
“No, Jack, it’s not a problem for me and I happen to like her now that I’ve gotten to know her better. Freya, too. Especially now that they have a little better dress sense.”
“You mean she’s not wearing those little,” Jack made a movement with his hands indicating his meaning.
“No. She’s not. And, stop it. Like I said, Jack,” Daniel said softly, but firmly, “I’ve grown to really like her. She grew up in a culture that is different, but that doesn’t make them wrong. We happen to have a lot in common. So I’d appreciate it if you’d knock it off.”
“So Daniel, when are you gonna tell me what really happened while Carter was a prisoner? Don’t you think I need to know? I have to know what to expect when she comes back and is part of the team again.”
“I don’t think it’s my place to tell you that, Jack. You’ll have to ask Sam, and personally, I don’t think she’ll tell you, and I don’t think it will matter. If I were you, I’d drop it. Janet’s happy with the progress she’s making and that’s the important thing,” Daniel said. “Aren’t you going to go see her while you’re here?”
“Well, yeah, I just thought I’d talk to you first to see if there was anything I should know, you know before I talked to her.”
“No, I don’t think so. Come on, she’s probably in the lab with Arwanna. They’ve become friends and although Arwanna is mostly a healer, she’s kind of into physics and stuff. A very bright lady.”
As they walked down the hall Jack turned to Daniel, to ask, “How’s Jacob? He handling everything okay?”
“Yeah. He went to get supplies today, and they should be back before long. Hey, did I tell you that Lya and Nafrayu came to see Sam right after we got here?” Daniel asked, suddenly remembering the incident. “I guess the Tollan contacted them.”
“Good. I asked if they could contact them. Did she help?” Jack wanted to know.
“Well, she couldn’t heal her mind, but she did help her somehow. At least, Sam seemed to be better after they were here. She said they’d be back, but as far as I know they haven’t been,” he said, as he turned into the lab where Sam had been spending a lot of her time.
As they entered, there was a sudden hissing and stomping sound. As they stopped and looked at Sam, she looked down and said, “Now, Tash, what’s the matter with you? It’s just Daniel.”
Suddenly, the lizard stood on his hind legs and ran straight at Jack, who ran behind a table of equipment. Tash stood with his front legs on the table, his tail lashing, hissing threateningly. “What the hell is that thing? Who ever heard of a guard lizard? Carter, call this thing off,” Jack said, as he stayed back several feet from the table.
Sam sat dumbfounded at her pet’s behavior, Daniel laughed, and Arwanna hid her smiles.
“Carter, do something,” Jack said, as the lizard got down and began to move around the table toward him.
“Stomp, Sir.”
“What?”
“I said, stomp. Stomp your feet.”
So, Jack stomped and Tashmar stomped back and hissed for good measure. Daniel laughed so hard he had to hold his ribs, and tears ran down his face. Lantash walked into the room and took entire situation in, at a glance. Hiding his smiles, he said sternly, “Tashmar, you will come. Down.” The lizard looked at him and then back at Jack. With a final lash of his tail showing his displeasure at being stopped from his sport, he returned, obviously disgruntled, to his place at Samantha’s feet.
Jack straightened his jacket and straightened his shoulders. “Where’d you get that thing, Carter? And don’t think you’re bringing it back to earth with you cause we can’t have something like that attacking people all over the SGC.”
“Since Samantha will not be returning anytime soon, that will not yet be a problem.” Lantash had seen the panicked look his love had sent him and smoothly changed his sentence. But, he was concerned. Why did she not want him to announce their plans? He frowned slightly. Was she having second thoughts? She was still refusing the joining because she could not bear to go through with “making love” as she so sweetly called it.
/Stop worrying, Lantash. Samantha simply wishes to announce it in her own time. And she is correct. Much as we would like to, it is her place to do this./ Martouf, for once, counseled Lantash.
/I am aware, Martouf. That does not mean I must like it./ Lantash replied.
They were brought back to the conversation going on around them when Jack walked around the table, and Tash once again stood and began to stomp and hiss.
“I believe, Colonel O’Neill, that perhaps you should stay back from Samantha. Tash, as you can see, is very protective of her. He has been since the first day he adopted her and tried to feed her his breakfast.”
Seeing the joy on Carter’s face as she
looked at the Tok’Ra, Jack knew that it wasn’t just that she wouldn’t be
returning anytime soon. She wouldn’t be
returning at all. He took a deep breath
against the pain, and let go of a nebulous dream he’d held for a long
time. If he made her happy that’s what
really mattered, didn’t it? Suddenly,
Tash walked over and licked his hand.
Well, at least the lizard knew what he was going through.
It had been ten weeks since Sam had come to stay with her father on Corlatt. She was healing, but it was very slow. Some days, she despaired of ever being well enough to physically mate with Martouf and Lantash. She wanted too, she just couldn’t seem to get farther than a few kisses. As soon as intimacy was broached, she froze and then sometimes continued from there to panic. Lantash had been patience itself. Her love for them continued to grow. She just wished she could express it. And, she wished she could feel clean again. Mentally she understood why she had these feelings. Emotionally, she was still a long way from where she desperately wanted to be.
Lya and Nafrayu stood beside the sleeping platform and infused their healing energy into Samantha Carter. She smiled softly at the beautiful thoughts that filled her mind. There was no more pain and she was healed and whole. She came awake slowly, stretched and turned over onto her back. She frowned though because Lantash and Martouf were not there this morning as they usually were. They had mentioned nothing that they needed to do.
Sitting up, she realized that Daniel was there with her and he was smiling. Seeing her awake, he sat down beside her. “Hi Sam. How ya doin’?” He asked softly.
“I’m fine, Daniel, but where is Martouf? Is it morning?” She asked, somewhat confused.
“Well, it’s about 01:00 hours. Martouf couldn’t sleep, and he asked me to sit with you in case you awoke, while he went for a walk. He’s on the surface. How do you feel?”
“I feel,” Sam paused, and then looked at Daniel, “I feel clean Daniel. I feel clean,” she gasped. “What’s happened to me?”
“Lya and Nafrayu were just here. You remember I told you they came when you were first here and I thought they helped you?” at Sam’s nod he continued, “Well, Lya said they worked on a healing technique for the mind. That’s why she didn’t come back sooner. They’ve had no need for something like this, but because of what she saw in your mind, they worked on this, came here and used it on us. Both of us, Sam. They helped me, too. I’m finally able to let go of some of the pain I’ve been carrying, too.”
“Oh, Daniel, I’m so glad. I worry about you sometimes. I’m glad they helped you,” Sam said, looking at him with all the love she felt for him showing in her face.
Daniel smiled the sweet smile she loved so much, and said, “Well, if you’re going to go find your mate, I think I’ll go back to, um, to my room.”
Intrigued by his stuttered statement, Sam looked at him closely, “I see. I like her now that I know her better, Daniel, and you have a lot in common. Be happy, please. You deserve it.”
“So do you, Sam. So, go take a walk on the surface and take that rug thing. Maybe you’ll need it. I’ll take Tash with me. He’ll be fine. He likes her, too. G’night Sam.” Daniel leaned over and kissed her softly before he left, and Sam grabbed a cloak and the rug.
She headed for the rings, and she didn’t even notice the men standing guard who watched her go to the surface. Once there she headed for the dunes, one of the places he seemed to enjoy. She didn’t have far to go before she saw him. He was sitting with his knees drawn up and his head resting on them, so lost in thought he didn’t hear her walk up to him.
When she touched his shoulder, he spun and took his attacker out so that he landed on his back in the sand and he had him penned in one fluid move. “Remind me to say your name while I’m still a long way away,” Sam said breathlessly.
He immediately rolled off of her, “I am so sorry, Samantha. It was purely reflex. Are you hurt, my love?”
“I’m not sure. Why don’t you spread out the rug so I can get off of the sand?” she asked him.
“Of course,” he said, and taking it from her, he spread it out before turning to her. “Are you all right? Do you need help?” He asked anxiously.
“Perhaps you could help me up?” she asked softly.
“It would be my pleasure, my love,” he said, as he reached down and helped her to stand. After shaking the sand from her gown and cloak, she took the cloak off and folded it to make a pillow and then lay down on the rug.
“Aren’t you going to join me, Martouf?” Sam asked him.
“Yes, of course,” he smiled at her, but she noticed that the smile didn’t reach his eyes, although he sat down beside her.
“What’s wrong, Martouf? Have I done something to upset you?” Sam asked him anxiously.
“No, it is me, my love. I just needed to see the stars. Sometimes I become restless. I did not mean to awaken you. I am sorry.”
“You didn’t wake me. Lya and Nafrayu woke me.” Sam smiled softly. “They helped me again.”
“Did they?” He reached out, caressed her cheek, and then shivered, as she turned to kiss the knuckles that brushed her cheek.
“Will you kiss me, Martouf?” Sam asked quietly.
Taking a shaky breath, he answered, as steadily as he could, “If you wish me to, Samantha.” Sam watched, smiling to herself as Lantash took over, and she realized it was a safety precaution they had been using. Lantash always took over when they kissed or caressed one another. He had the control to keep from frightening her that Martouf was afraid he lacked after the first time, when he had tightened his arms around her, and she had panicked.
He had lain down and was waiting for her to raise herself above him so that she could control what happened. She didn’t think it was necessary anymore, but she’d continue, at least for the moment.
Sam raised herself and lowered her mouth to his. Their lips met and clung and she felt his arms come around her and hold her loosely. She deepened the kiss and then began to caress him more intimately than she had done in the past. Then, curious, she reached behind his head and stroked his neck. She felt Lantash move slightly, a faint tremor just under the skin so she repeated the motion. Again, she got a response, but this time, he also moaned slightly, too.
“Samantha, you must stop what you are doing. I cannot be responsible for my reactions if you continue,” Lantash told her, as he gently removed her hand from his neck. “I will not frighten you, again. Why are you smiling?”
“I have something I need to ask you,” she said, without answering his question.
“You know you may ask me anything, beloved.” He assured her.
“All right. Lantash,” she said softly, “Will you marry me following the custom of my people, as I will join with you following the custom of your people?” She whispered just before her lips once again sought his.
Drawing back when he didn’t respond to her kiss, she looked at him quizzically. “Are you so surprised, Lantash, or is it that you’ve changed you mind about wishing to take me as your mate?”
He looked at her in wonder. “Are you saying what I think you are, my Samantha? Are you saying you will join with me?”
“Yes,” she said. “Yes.” Looking deeply into his eyes, she smiled slightly, as she lay down beside him. “Come to me, my love? Give me all of yourself, Lantash. I wish to be your mate, yours and Martouf's, in all ways. Now, tonight. Come, be one with me, for you are my beloved,” her whispered words were taken by the night wind, but not before he heard her.
“Yes, Samantha. Yes, my beloved.”