Where Destiny Leads
by Pagan Twylight
Chapter 5
Staring into Yesterday
“Martouf, why don’t you and Lantash go and talk to Sam?” Jacob asked, after he didn’t receive an answer the third time he asked the same question. He shook his head. It was obvious that the two of them were not thinking about the upcoming mission. And he and Selmak had to come up with a reason for them not to return to the Tok’Ra base for an extended time. He had already decided to set Anise and Malek to thinking about that little bit of subterfuge, since it was their idea. He’d let Jorlin off the hook if she wanted because she wasn’t really pushing; she’d just agreed to go along.
He wished Jocasta was with them, but she wasn’t and in reality, it was probably just as well. He missed her but, if they all ended up dead or in a heap of trouble, he’d just as soon she wasn’t one of them. He sighed again, and brought his thoughts back to the problem at hand; what to tell Master Garshaw about why the four of them weren’t returning to the base. They would soon be overdue with no excuse. Their original excuse being the meeting had been postponed until today due to the illness of a key person. Which was true as far as it went.
After he put Malek and Anise to work on coming up with some subterfuge to explain their delay further, maybe he’d go talk to George and do some brainstorming about this mission. Sam needed to be brought into this. Jack would be great if he wasn’t being such an ass. He was good at tactics. Well, Teal’c would just have to take his place. He’d be excellent, too, especially in the circumstances. He sighed, again, as he looked at Martouf.
“Okay, Martouf, let’s go. Martouf! I said, let’s go,” Jacob raised his voice, and finally got a response from the man sitting next to him.
“I am sorry, Jacob, were you talking to me?” He asked.
“I’ve been talking to you for ten minutes, Martouf,” Jacob stated, laconically. “If you’ve finished mangling that sandwich, come with me. If not, and you really feel a need to finish the destruction, we can sit here until you’ve completed shredding it, if you like.”
Martouf looked down into his plate, appearing surprised at what he saw. “I am sorry, Jacob, I do not seem to feel very hungry,” he finally said, after giving the mound of sandwich parts a thorough perusal.
“Well, if I had eaten a dozen doughnuts, I probably wouldn’t be, either. Come on. You’ve been assigned a room. I’ll take you there and show you where everything is,” Jacob said, as he picked up his tray to return it. Glancing up, he saw Malek seated at a corner table with the pretty blonde Lt. Donovan. Malek wouldn’t be happy at being interrupted. Ah, well, such was life. Martouf followed his gaze and smiled with him.
Looking beyond him, he saw Daniel Jackson sitting with Anise and Jorlin, the two archeologists deep in conversation. Jorlin looked extremely bored. Jacob grinned. On second thought, she’d probably welcome the meeting to come up with an excuse to stay on the Tau’ri world, as a reprieve of sorts. Perhaps, they could rope Daniel into that meeting as well as Teal’c. Both men could have some ideas and Daniel was noted for thinking outside of the box. He might come up with a truly inventive reason for them to say they couldn’t return to the base.
In the meantime, it would give Sam and Martouf some time alone, too. Sam had disappeared to her lab after the briefing. No doubt to try to sort through her feelings about the turn of events. Having come to some type of terms with the loss of Martouf and Lantash, this had to be throwing her back into an emotional whirlwind.
Opening a door, he turned to Martouf. “Here you are, home from home for now, anyway. I suggest you get a little more rest,” he said, cheerfully.
“We are quite well and very able to attend any meetings you feel we should have, Jacob.” Martouf assured him.
“Yeah, I’m sure you are, but I also know that you’ve been through a lot and...” Jacob’s eyes flashed and Martouf straightened perceptibly as Lantash took control.
Selmak looked at him grimly and stated, “I am well aware that you wish to insist that you are quite well, with no aftereffects of yesterday’s illness. However, having lived through that exact thing myself, twice, I am, also, well aware that the effects can linger for several days. You tire easily and your appetite is sporadic at best. One minute voraciously hungry, the next having no interest in food whatsoever. You are also having some trouble regulating your body temperature, you have a headache, and occasionally blurred vision,” Selmak stated firmly.
Lantash looked mutinous for a moment, but before he could rebut the statements, Selmak continued, “We are going to need you on this mission, Lantash. If you are unwell, it will jeopardize our success. I will not allow that to happen. I do not care if you admit to the aftereffects of the amek’tel kek’ma’tel verbally or not; there is no need, as I am very much aware of them and do not need your verbal agreement to know how you are really feeling.”
“You will rest today and tomorrow, as often as possible, for by the next day at the latest, we will be stepping through that mirror and back into your old reality to face, we know not exactly what. There are decisions to be made and supplies to be gathered, as well as plans to be made. I prefer to have you take part in those decisions for your Intel will be invaluable. Therefore, you need to rest when we are discussing things that you have no need to be involved in. Consider it an order, if that makes it easier.”
Lantash frowned and looked toward the bed. Nodding sharply, he turned and made his way to it, to sit on its edge. “I will be ready to help with the planning and to accompany you, Selmak. I will not fail in this endeavor a second time,” he said firmly, his voice grim.
Selmak shook his head, saying, “Lantash the odds of you succeeding in this mission before, were so far against you, it was inevitable that you should fail. That will not be the case for this mission. The odds are in our favor this time. We have Teal’c and more manpower. We are all healthy and unharmed going into it. I have a feeling that even before the capture and torture, the three of you were not in optimum condition. I think you will find a few naps of several hours duration, that are uninterrupted by fear, will do wonders for your condition. Someone will be by to check on you, and we will come for you when it is time to start the tactical meetings.”
“You are right, of course, and I should have thought of it myself. I will do as you request.” Lantash agreed, as he removed his shoes and unbuttoned his shirt.
“I’m glad you are seeing sense. I will see you later. Rest well, my friend,” Selmak smiled, as he left the room and headed for Sam’s lab. It was true that Lantash was having those symptoms, but they would pass whether he rested or not. True they would pass faster if he rested, but it was just as important that he get to speak to Samantha Carter, in private and uninterrupted. /Stop sputtering, Jacob, you were about to suggest yourself that he spend some time with Samantha. That they needed to get to know one another all over again./
/He was getting undressed, Sel. I wasn’t going to suggest they spend time in bed together getting to know each other./ Jacob protested loudly.
/He was removing his shoes and shirt, Jacob, which can hardly be described as undressed. Calm down. Your daughter is a grown woman./
/She’s my little girl. You’re setting her up to be seduced./ Jacob ranted.
/It will do them a world of good if it happens, but I do not believe it will. At least, not at this time. Before we leave on this mission, I am sure Samantha will wish to experience being intimate with them in case something goes wrong and one or both of them does not survive. However, that is none of our business./ Selmak continued. Reaching Sam’s lab, he knocked lightly.
Looking up, Sam was surprised to see her dad. She realized almost at once that it was Selmak. “Selmak. This is a surprise.”
“I wished to apologize to you for not reminding Jacob to be sure you were informed. What with Lantash so ill yesterday, it totally slipped our minds. I will be relieved when the last of the side effects are over and we know for sure that he will recover.”
“What do you mean?” Sam asked, as her eyes widened. That had sounded like Lantash and Martouf could still die.
“Until the last of the symptoms pass one does not know for sure…however, I convinced him to lie down and rest. Hopefully that will be enough to reverse the stress of the mornings interview.”
“Are you saying he could have a relapse?”
“Anything is possible.” Selmak said solemnly.
“Is someone with him in case something happens?” Sam asked, amazed at the apparently uncaring attitude Selmak was showing.
“I must meet with my people to plan our next moves. I cannot afford to spend time sitting with him when this mission is so vital to the survival of the Tok’Ra as a whole. It is imperative that we make our plans as soon as possible and execute them equally swiftly. We will hope for the best. I am sure he will be fine.” Selmak said, avoiding her eyes.
/Of course, you’re sure he’ll be fine. There’s really nothing wrong with him. At least not to the extent you are leading Sam to believe./
/Nonsense, Jacob, for all we know he could have a relapse./
Jacob snorted, or at least did his best imitation of one, in the back of his mind.
“I’ll sit with him. He shouldn’t be left alone,” Sam offered as visions of Martouf dying entered her head and made her catch her breath. That couldn’t be allowed to happen. Not again. She wouldn’t go through that again, if there was anything she could do to prevent it.
“Why, thank you, Samantha, but I really do not believe that is necessary. I am sure you have many things you need to do, since you, also, will be going on this mission. I am sure he will be fine. I will be able to check on him by this evening.”
“This evening? That’s hours away. He could be ill again by then,” she exclaimed. “No, I’ll sit with him. I have nothing to do that can’t be completed later, or when we return with the Queen. Besides, I can take some things with me to do,” she said, as she started to gather her laptop and the notes she might need. “He’s in a VIP room right? You were all given rooms, weren’t you?”
“Yes, and as I am going that way, I will show you which one Martouf and Lantash are in. You will call if something goes wrong and you need us.”
“Yes, of course.”
They left her lab and strode quickly down the hall.
/Sel, you realize that this isn’t even slightly above board. You should be ashamed of yourself./
/I will allow my conscience to worry about that later, dear one. For now I am more concerned with easing the pain that each of them are feeling. Or had you not considered that part of their feelings in this?/
/No. I hadn’t. So you think this will help them get past the pain? Both of them have a lot of it to deal with./
/It is a start, Jacob. They must face it and try to get beyond it sooner or later, and I would rather they started and hopefully managed to get beyond it now, than to have it suddenly raise it’s head during the mission. /
/You’re right. I hadn’t thought of that angle. I just hope he doesn’t seduce her./ Jacob finished slightly less grimly.
Realizing they were almost to the VIP rooms, Sam asked, “Is there anything I should look for in particular?”
“No, nothing in particular. I am sure if something begins to go wrong, you will know. Ah, here we are. I will see you after while, Samantha. Thank you for offering to take care of them for us.”
“You’re welcome, Selmak. I’ll see you later.”
/She didn’t even realize I never said a word to her./ Jacob said, astonished. /Normally, she’d want to know why I wasn’t talking to her./
/She may have felt I would know more about the situation, Jacob. And she was clearly worried about them. A good sign and a circumstance that should show you that they do indeed need to begin to talk to one another, get to know one another, and the sooner the better./
/Right./ Jacob said. /You’re a devious little dragon, you know that Sel?/
/Why, yes, Jacob, I believe I do./ Selmak laughed, but did not give Jacob control. He wanted to get the meeting started first. Then he would let Jacob come back, when he could not very well leave without starting gossip.
/Thanks, Sel, I’ll remember that./
/I know, Jacob, but it will be worth it if it works out for them./
/Yeah, / Jacob finally agreed, softly, /It will./
Samantha Carter was nervous as she watched them walk away down the hall. She raised her hand to knock twice before eventually bringing herself to do it. Finally knocking very lightly, she got no response, and lifted her hand to knock louder. Realizing they could be asleep, she stopped before she could knock again. She opened the door quietly and made her way into the room. A glow came from a safety light. You couldn’t have VIP’s tripping and falling in the dark and getting hurt.
Putting her things down on a nearby table and then walking to the bed, she stood beside it and looked down at the man lying there. He had removed his shirt and had on only his t-shirt and pants. Seeing him lying there in the tight black T’shirt, his arms folded behind his head, it was all she could do to stop herself from reaching out and touching him. The need to do so was so intense, it was a physical ache, and she balled her hands into fists to stop herself from doing so. Shutting her eyes against that aching need, and drawing a breath, she was surprised to find herself looking into his eyes, when she opened hers.
“Samantha?” Martouf asked, hesitantly, as if he was not sure she was truly there.
“I, yes, I,” she stopped and pulled in another calming breath. “Yes, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to awaken you.”
Martouf shook his head; “I would rather be with you than sleep. And besides, we were not actually asleep, yet.” Reaching over, he turned on a small lamp before moving farther toward the center of the bed and indicating that she should sit down on the edge.
Swallowing in nervousness, Sam nodded, and proceeded to perch gingerly on the edge, as if expecting to suddenly need to escape quickly.
When neither said anything, Sam finally broke the silence saying, “Selmak said that you were still not completely over the fever. I thought I’d stay with you in case you had a relapse and needed help. I – I brought my laptop and some work I could do quietly. I didn’t mean to disturb you, I was just checking on you,” she said hurriedly, trying to calm her response to him.
/Relapse? Lantash, can we have a relapse?/ Martouf, asked, obviously surprised.
/Not to my knowledge, Martouf. I believe Selmak has arranged for us to have time alone with Samantha. This explains his sudden insistence that we rest now. Although to be fair, he was speaking the truth about that, and we do need to be in good condition before the mission. He is simply using a circumstance to its best advantage./
/I see./ Martouf said, speculatively. /In that case, we shall do all we can to make full use of his tactics./
Lying back down from where he had raised himself on his elbow, he said, “I am fine for now. Please, you do not need to concern yourself unduly, but if the thought of my being ill has brought you here to sit with me, I will not complain, nor will I tell you to leave. I wish to spend time with you, Samantha, whenever and wherever I can,” he said sincerely.
Sam offered him a tentative smile in exchange and then looked down and watched her fingers pluck nervously at the comforter. When she looked up, her eyes were bright with unshed tears. “It’s just so hard,” she finally whispered. “You are so much like him. It, it brings back a lot of,” she paused, before saying, “memories.”
“And not pleasant ones,” Martouf said, quietly. “Believe me, Samantha, I am aware. I, too, am having difficulty with the situation. I meant what I said. Killing you, the you in the other reality, was literally the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I wanted to die myself for a very long time afterwards and only the knowledge that you would not have approved of, nor wished for me to do so, kept me from it.”
“To see you here, now, and know you are no longer my mate is, as I said, very difficult. What I wish to do is take you to my bed and make love to you until you cry for release. However, although, I know that will not happen anytime soon, I will not give up hope that it might happen sometime in the future.”
Sam continued to rub the comforter for a moment, before drawing a deep breath, and again looking up and into the eyes she never thought to see again. “I was completely devastated when I had to kill you. I still have nightmares about it sometimes. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it because no one knew how I felt about you. No one but the General and my dad, anyway. They were very supportive, and I lived from day to day and made work my priority. Defeating the Goa’uld became the focus of my life. I thought that you would want me to go on fighting them, trying to defeat them, for you, for all the innocent lives they have taken over the millennia. Mostly for you though.”
“I really don’t know if I can distinguish you from him. I know in my mind you aren’t him, but my senses tell me you are. My heart is telling me you are. I’m very confused. I want you to be him. I want that second chance to be with you, Martouf, you and Lantash. I don’t know what to do now, how to go on, or even,” she blushed slightly, “how far to take my attraction to you. I’m afraid, but I want to be close to you. Does that make sense?”
“Yes, it does. I know exactly how you are feeling, Samantha. I, too, wish to be close to you, but I do not wish to upset you by moving to fast. Left up to me, you would be lying here with me, wrapped in my arms, under my body as we climbed the heights together. You would be moaning my name, as I moaned yours, and we would bring one another to completion. We would be learning of one another, as if it was the first time, which, of course, it would be.”
“Will you lie with me and begin our journey of discovery, my Samantha? Begin our learning, so that eventually, perhaps, we can know one another more intimately than we will at this point in time?” He asked, his eyes, compelling, and his voice softly pleading, seductive, enticing.
Sam was torn. God, she wanted to lie with him. But, what if things moved too fast? What if desire flared between them and burned out of control? What if she gave in and made love with this man? She didn’t even know him, did she? What did she want? Need? Desire?
Him. She wanted to know him, and not just in the mental sense and emotional sense. She wanted to know him in the physical sense. So what if things moved fast? So what if desire flared out of control? Did it really matter if she made love to them?
She watched him as he leaned against the pillows and watched her patiently. He was not pressuring her. He wasn’t even suggesting a physical mating between them yet. He wanted her, but was willing to wait for her to get to know him and make a decision. He was willing to wait for her to realize that he was her mate. She repeated that to herself. He was her mate. She knew it on a deep inner level. She could feel it, calling her, pulling her. The tug of desire was beginning to burn in her.
She had lived with regret from the day he had died. From the moment she fired the zat, she had wished she could relive the time they had known one another. Regret had been a bedfellow for a very long time now. Standing, she walked to the door and locked it. She stood leaning her forehead against it for a moment, then straightening her shoulders and lifting her chin she turned back to face the bed.
She never wanted to live with that feeling again. If anything went wrong on this mission, she didn’t want to look back and once again feel that way. She wouldn’t take that chance like she had the last time. Perhaps, they wouldn’t make love now, but sometime before the mission, she was going to make this man hers. Whether it was now, or later, this man would belong to her in every sense before the next day or so was over. For once in her life, she was going to give herself what she needed, wanted and desired.
Walking back to the bed, she sat down and took her boots off. As she started to unbutton her shirt, Lantash came forward. “Samantha?” He questioned her actions, wanting, needing, to understand what she was thinking and meaning by her actions. He would take no more than she offered willingly. He wished her to be sure, when the time came for them to mate.
“I’m not going to live with regret again, Lantash. It’s a bitter thing. I don’t want to make love to you, now, at this point in time. I think I will very soon, but not just yet. I don’t think you want that either, really. Not yet anyway. But I do want to lie with you and start to learn who you are. I want to find out if you and I, could be us. That’s to begin with. And, once we find out who we are apart, then I want to know who we are together. I don’t know if it will mean a physical mating, but I want to find out. And I want to start finding out now.”
Lantash’s eyes flared, then became heavy lidded and a seductive, but sweet smile curled his lips. She caught her breath, realizing what a dangerous man he was to her. He could seduce her with his smile. And she would let him. “Then come to me, my Samantha, and we shall begin our journey of discovery together, just the three of us.”
As Sam stretched out next to him, he reached out, pulled her close, and placed a gentle kiss on her temple. “Relax, Samantha, we will do nothing, but lie together and talk, for now. Just the feel of you in our arms is a balm to our spirit. How often we have longed to hold you just one more time,” Lantash murmured, his voice deeply husky with suppressed emotion.
Slowly her arms moved around his waist to hold them. How often she had dreamed of this, ached to do this. Suddenly she was crying. For them, for what had never had a chance to be born between them. For all the regrets and longing that had haunted her for so long. He seemed to understand, as he simply held her and stroked her hair, murmuring softly, words she didn’t know, but didn’t need to. As her tears slowed and she relaxed, spent, drained at last of much of the bitterness of her loss, she felt him pull back and lean away from her. A handful of tissues were put into her hand, and she smiled, and then laughed slightly.
Oh, yes, this was her Martouf and Lantash. Wiping her eyes and blowing her nose before tossing the tissues toward the wastebasket, she turned back to this being that had meant so much to her and wound her arms around his neck, stroking Lantash as she had always wanted to do. Lifting her face, she watched as his mouth came toward hers. She held her breath as his lips feathered across hers. Sighing, she closed her eyes. Oh, yes, heaven was only a breath away.
“So, what do we have? Anyone come up with a logical and believable reason we aren’t returning? We’ve already used the excuse of illness of one of the persons we were meeting with as the reason we didn’t return on time once. Which was almost true. Well?” Jacob asked the group sitting around the conference table. Thirty minutes of thinking and no one had come up with a good enough excuse as far as he was concerned. Teal’c and Daniel hadn’t been available so they were on their own for the time being.
“Perhaps we could say the General was called away?” Malek asked.
“We’d be told to return to the base and come back when he was available,” Jacob replied. “Come on. I gave you thirty minutes to think, surely you came up with something plausible.”
Jacob looked up as General Hammond came into the room. “How’s it coming, Jake?”
Jacob scowled. “Well, if we don’t come up with a plan any faster or better for getting Egeria, than we are for our excuse to Garshaw for not returning, we’re going to fail straight out of the chute.”
“Well, I contacted Garshaw, and explained that we had a mission where we needed the Tok’Ra, due to the fact that we were going to need someone who could impersonate a minor System Lord and his entourage.”
“And she agreed? Just like that? Jacob asked, his disbelief obvious.
“Er, no, but that’s when I told her that the prisoner was someone very dear to you, Jacob. When she asked to speak to you, I, ah, took the liberty of telling her that, basically, you had requested that I contact her, and explain about the mission, so I wasn’t contacting them to ask, I was simply informing her that you had all agreed to the rescue, and hoped to return, within a couple of weeks. I, ah, also, took the initiative and explained that Malek and Anise had both felt that time was of the essence and that there wasn’t time to return to the Tok’Ra base, if you wanted to get the prisoner out alive.”
Jacob sighed. “Well, we need to be sure we let Sam know she was a prisoner for a while.”
“I, ah, didn’t tell her it was Major Carter, Jacob. I said someone dear to you and I assume that the Queen of the Tok’Ra is dear to you all. Moreover, she’s a prisoner of a System Lord. Ergo: I didn’t tell so much as one lie. It’s hardly my fault she heard only that which she expected to hear.” General Hammond stated self-righteously.
“Remind me to always read between the lines when you tell me something, George.”
George Hammond grinned, “Now, maybe you can stop trying to figure out how to play hooky and start making plans for what you’re going to do while you’re out of school.”
Jacob nodded and opened his mouth to request the attendance of at least three of the members of SG1 when Selmak came forward to say, “I wish to thank you, General Hammond. Your intervention is both timely and ingenious. By taking the opportunity for us to speak to her away, you have removed a large hurdle from our path.”
“I have requested that Martouf and Lantash rest for now, as the aftereffects of the fever can be quite debilitating and rest helps to overcome them quicker. The stresses of this mornings debriefing and interrogation have, I’m afraid, caused them to become rather more acute, although he would not admit to it.”
“Having myself been in his position, I know what he is experiencing and am able to read the signs, without him telling me. It is nothing that several well-spaced periods of rest will not clear up, however, since it is imperative we have his information, which will be critical to our success, he will need to be in optimum condition for this mission.”
“If it would be acceptable, I would like to request Dr. Jackson, Major Carter and Teal’c for a planning session later on this afternoon. Would it be possible for them to be available?”
“Dr. Jackson has to conduct a briefing for SG10 in a little less than an hour, but it shouldn’t last more than an hour or so. Say, two hours from now? Would that be acceptable?” General Hammond asked.
“Of course, and in the meantime, we will begin to go over the information we have, to see what we can come up with ahead of time, as well as start listing the supplies we are sure we will need,” Selmak stated before pausing. Then looking squarely at George Hammond, he continued, stoically, “I requested that Major Carter stay with Lantash to insure he did not have any problems. I will collect them when it is time for the planning session to begin.”
George Hammond’s lips twitched, but he said, equally solemnly, “That will be fine and I will contact Dr. Jackson and Teal’c to insure they are here at the correct time.”
“Thank you, General Hammond, it would be very much appreciated.”
As the General left the room, Selmak became aware of his disgruntled host sputtering in his head, /Thank you, General, for pretending you have no idea what I am doing. Thank you, General, for acting as if you believe every word I am saying to you. Thank you, General, for turning a blind eye and allowing my daughter to be seduced while we all sit around and wait for it to happen,/ Jacob ranted loudly in their shared minds.
/Nonsense, Jacob. Martouf and Lantash will not seduce your daughter, unless she wishes them to. In which case, it really is none of our business. Now, we really do need to start planning the mission. There are things that we, as Tok’Ra, will need to be prepared to know and do, and we may as well get that part decided before we meet with the rest of the group. Do you wish to take over the meeting? You are welcome to, as long as you do not try to sneak away and check on Samantha and Martouf./
/You know, Sel, the next time we wake up and you have allowed us to have a very vivid sexually oriented dream? You know the ones I mean, the ones you really seem to enjoy the most, where your host was that hot-blooded Jason? And your mate was Etheria, possibly the most seductive woman I have ever seen? I think, that the next time that happens, I’ll remedy it with a nice long COLD bath or maybe I’ll just put my head under the cold water that is piped into the baths and I’ll let it soak you long and well./ With those words Jacob’s head snapped forward.
/Jacob! When did you learn to do that?/ Selmak demanded as his head began to ache from within where Jacob had just mentally slapped him in the back of the head.
/I learned from the master head-thumper, Sel. Congratulations, you’ve just taught me something else./
It was the first time he’d ever heard his symbiote sputter.
TBC