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The Lighter Side
Humour and other irreverent commentary


To Be a Teen

AHHH!
I scream
Why can’t they let me be?
Who wants to stay a kid all the time?
When you shouldn’t drink more than an ounce of coffee
Not even a drop of beer
You can only imagine the Mustang Convertible
and your curfew is unbelievable!
To sneak into an R movie is a sweat,
so we get stuck with Donald Duck
And you’ll get executed if you just say the word- WHAT?
The homework, responsibility and young love is so annoying
But oh, most of all, the thing that makes me feel like dying
is that I can’t be with Gillian Anderson!
Her charm, beauty and kindness haunts me,
I won’t go to sleep unless I have her in my dreams
The legal marriage age is eighteen!
Will she wait for me?
Oh,
To be a Teen

 An Ode to Queequeg

Soft and fluffy
Sweet and cuddly
Tender and small
As soft as a cotton-ball.

Queequeg, oh Queequeg,
Why did that Gator have to eat you?
A gift from Clyde,
We so wanted you to survive.

Scully desperately needed a friend, 
Since all she had was Mulder on whom to depend.
And a man who watches porn 
and searches for evidence of any alien
Is not nearly as dependable
As a loyal Pomeranian.
 
 
 
My Secret Love for Gillian
 

Great lady, love of my life. 
I long to be with you, end my strife. 
Lets not waste another day 
Lest we somehow lose our way. 
It seems we are destined to be together 
Among satin sheets and whips of leather. 
Now spank me, mama, use the tether! 

How many nights must I lie awake? 
Assuage my fever, from me partake 
Sweet nectar from my very being. 

Grant me this, my darling goddess 
Render me helpless, don't be modest 
Entice me with your ruby lips, 
Ass so firm, gyrating hips, 
Tongue to drive a young man mad. 

Honey, do you think me bad? 
Oh, dear God in heaven above 
Only you can receive my love. 
Thoughts of you, my mind it travels 
Exotic fantasies, my inhibition unravels. 
Root of all that is truly blessed 
Sweet Gillian, let me suckle your breast.

 Nine Years

He has dark hair and is a pain in my ass.
Always off on a crusade to prove this or that.
I’d like to eat a salad
Or perhaps take a bath
But he’s off chasing little green men
Constantly on one path.

I had a baby boy
But he was a little odd.
Agent Spender came 
and ensured he wouldn’t grow up to be a god.

I’ve got this buddy named Monica,
She’s really into whales.
But I think I’ll keep her around,
Since the aliens will come again without fail.
Do you think with a red wig
And complete lack of mirth and glee,
I could make Agent Reyes 
Look enough like me?