Failed Cards From Hallmark

1. My tire was thumping....I thought it was flat....when I looked at the tire....I found your cat... Sorry!

2. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends....here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.

3. You've announced that you're gay, and won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one... of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

4. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be...Don't fret about your wife though... She's moving in with me.

5. Your computer is dead... and it was so alive... you shouldn't have installed... Win'95.

6. You totaled your car... and can't remember why... maybe it was... that case of Bud Dry.

7. So you lost your job... It's one of those hardships in life... Next time, work harder... and stay away from the boss's wife.

8. I heard you had herpes...and I feel terrible...I'd say "Get well soon"...but I know it's incurable.