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Welcome to our community, Guest!
Geoh!cities™!
(brought to you by "I-can't-believe-it-isn't-microsoft™")!




Special!

Brand new!
(does not apply in following states: tx, nj, ma, md, ha, and/or puerto rico)!
Never before offered!

For a limited time only!

s p a c e

FREE!!!!

Fun for all ages!
(does not apply in following states: tx, nj, ny, ma, md, ha, and/or puerto rico)!
Fun for the whole family!

Revolutionary!





Here at Geoh!cities, membership is free! With your generous non-refundable, non-tax-deductible donation of $2,003.00, you get a whole weeks worth of free home page ownership! Satisfaction Guaranteed! **! And, if you act now, during your free week, Geoh!cities will extend their offer to include their services as your official internet provider! Your free week will allow you access to the various sites listed below (see below!) which have been deemed inappropriate by the other internet providers!

To join our club all you have to do is!:
the 1. Agree to follow a few simple rules to ensure a fun, safe, educational, enjoyable, entertaining, non-threatening,
the 1. user-friendly, politically correct (pc™), space-age internet community™!

To begin your service all you have to do is!:
the 1) Call our offices to start your account, over the phone! ($5.99 per 1/2 minute! your week begins then! billing begins over the phone!)
the 2) Mail your donation and a pre-paid postage, self-addressed stamped envelope (both are necessary to ensure security)! and
the 2) once we receive your donation(!), we will...
the 3) Do our part which is!:
the 3) 3b) attempt to try to send you your free address and free password (not responsible for any free addresses and/or free passwords lost
the 3) 3b) in the mail)!



IMPORTANT!
If you act now and sign over the deed to your house, the deed to your eternal non-refundable, non-tax-deductible soul, your first born, your innocence, your mental well-being, your credit card #(s), and all of your personal belongings (both physical and mental (excluding your intelligence...if you join our exclusive club we will feel that you should be entitled to the enjoyment of what little you have, as you probably already are (excluding the fact that you are not in this club!))), you can join our limited edition extra-special Geoh!cities cybergold plus club, now at the special low discounted donation rate of $291,078.99!

Although we did practice it regularly in the past, Geoh!cities does not at this moment in time discriminate, therefore, this special plus offer is open to anyone! (does not apply for: those damn canadians...we hope to never deal with them in our collective lifetime)!

Plus!
With this offer you receive some limited edition premium cybergolden rules! But you need not worry about learning what they are! For your convenience, we have developed an extremely complicated extra-special machine that can (and very well may) safely and pleasantly remove your page (without notice) once you have violated the aforementioned rules (and sometimes, due to programming errors, if you try to update your page)!

To begin this service all you have to do is!:
the 1. Follow the same instructions as above (see above!) except request your limited edition extra-special Geoh!cities
the 1. cybergolden club membership! (plus: 1a) we guarantee that your membership will be considered within 7 business days!)

Donate now and claim your free plot now! Do not miss out on all of the free action now!



Terms of agreement!:

1. You must commit suicide once your site is up and running!
1. (this will more likely than not take quite a while, so fret not;)!
2. You must leave a suicide note which drops the name "Geoh!cities" at least 3 times!
3. You cannot use any word that has negative connotations or that is marked by features of hostility, withdrawal, or
3. pessimism on your site or in your suicide note!
3. (for example, here you would replace "negative" with "without positive quality")!
4. You must have a private meeting with we on our private chat line where we will talk about how much you want the
4. site, privately! (meaning: you must have virtual sex with us)!
5. Your computer must not exceed 64k memory! Oh, and we will not support anything more advanced than a CGA
5. monitor!

(note: if you fail to agree to at least all of these terms (especially term number 2), once you have committed suicide, your site will be removed, your family will be billed for the remainder of your service, and you will not be allowed to renew your membership!)



Bonus free access to these sites!:

sara tonens dead zone! sponsored in part by the dead zone!
the generic home page! - Winner of the "The Only Site of this Kind" Award!
the go home page!
the crash your computer home page!
the sponsor a starving online child home page! (payments can be sent by credit card to their personally designed home pages, and if you act now, you will
the receive a personalized email)!
the mail order children (not to be confused with adoption) home page! (the garbage disposal company working in assoc. with the official
the pedophilia home page)!
the official pedophilia home page!
the mail order bride home page!
the male order bride home page!
satans official home page! sponsored in part by the dead zone!
the naughty monsignor in the all-girl catholic school home page!
the extra friendly boy scout leader who invites just you (he says because youre special) over each weekend to play
the hide-and-seek and take naps together home page!
the hicks home page! - Voted #1 site by Yokels Shootin' Stuff Magazine!
the (feat. virtual cow tipping, virtual bass fishing, virtual innocent helpless creature massacre (and its less popular
the sequels, virtual hide your illegal poachings from that damned tree-hugging government and virtual hunt dem goddam
the deers whiles they be blind in your headlights), virtual harass dem local freaks, virtual beat your wife, virtual prejudice
the and discrimination is words too big for me, and virtual life)!
the and sponsored by macrohard!
the every-home-page-dedicated-to-anything sucks home page!
the pretentious punk rock band home page! sponsored in all by sara tonen (whos not only publicist, but also a member)!
the pretentious intellectual/art student home page! sponsored by amhell college, and every intellectual/art student everywhere!
the waste of time home page!
the procrastination home page! (this site still under construction)!
the afterbirth home page!
the unofficial incest home page!
the rohypnol and masturbation home page!
the im-an-individual-but-i-need-to-be-accepted-in-a-group home page!
the visit-and-britney-spears-(-or-any-other-persons-you-hate-)-get-everything-you-ve-ever-really-really-wanted-
the for-yourself-(-and-not-for-the-person-(-s-)-you-hate-)-each-time-you-visit home page!
the brainwash you into mistakenly thinking youve been brainwashed page!
the i-am-useless home page!
the i-dont-follow-any-paths-and-dont-realize-that-im-following-the-path-that-says-i-dont-follow-one home page!
the i-think-im-doing-something-original home page!
the official unofficiality home page!
the unofficial officiality home page!
the take me home page! (available in both adult and child sizes and/or versions)!



Also!
1. Once you join, you are automatically an official page-holding member of the prostitution web ring! AND, since
1. Geoh!cities is an official member of the pimp web ring you must update us on each virtual trick you turn!
2. Countless useless home pages (which have been scientifically proven to be useless to you) will be removed from your
2. service so as to ensure that "surfing the net" will be as easy and fun as is humanly possible, in other words, it will
2. now require no thought whatsoever (now even you can enjoy)!
2. now (note: countless useful pages will be removed as well)!
3. You will probably have bonus free access to your own site!***!
4. Do not miss out!
5. Get yours now!

Submit to me and agree to my terms today!







*this donation rate is a false advertisement! see description for actual donation rate!
**if you are not satisfied we will send you an official letter of apology! free!
***you will NOT have bonus free access to your own site!

offer void where pro-/inhibited!











Counter

FACT!: Geoh!cities™ has persuaded lives to go to hell!

Teleport my credulous corpse back to the dead zone!

Complaints should not be sent to (but should be expected from): badheadache@hotmail.com!











@hhhhht!