moviescale


	The Movie Rating Scale



		For whatever reason, I'm back into seeing movies again, and this means that I've done some movie reviews out of boredom and also out of the goodness of my heart. Assuming there is any of that. This scale will help you determine if the movie is good or bad before you even read the review. Helpful, isn't it? I know you lazy bastards generally don't read. "OMG I go to your site to read the AIM Convos LOL they are so funny" is a general non-reader response. I don't expect them to read paragraphs of Collier wisdom, but I figure they can read one letter, click the movie scale, and understand. So. Nothing else to say; let's get to the scale. Starting from the highest rating... Braveheart (B): This movie is Braveheart. This is the highest ranking. No other movie will ever come close to this ranking. This is the greatest movie ever. From a scale of one to ten, this movie is a twenty-five. Braveheart owns your life. I will speak in short, choppy sentences. Power Awesome (PA): I find this movie essentially flawless, but there are a few things I can pick out. Hey, nobody's perfect (except Braveheart). If a movie gets this ranking, you are not abnormal if you watch it twice a day. Right?! Damn Good (DG): Sure, the movie was damn good, but it was just lacking some essentials. Perhaps there was a lack of things blowing up, or maybe not quite enough violence and bloodshed. On the serious side, this fits the category of the movie that you'd watch again, but it's not exactly the all-time favorite. Average (A): The movie is average. You're not crying for the two hours of your life back, but in all honest you would have felt the same had you simply slept or masturbated for two hours. If anyone takes two hours to masturbate, I salute them. Right, moving on, I know. Shitty (S): Not much respect here. The movie sucked; it wasn't worth my five bucks (or thirty bucks if I went to Regal). I have no more to say. Hilariously Bad (HB): This movie is so bad that it makes you cry tears of laughter. Gaping plot holes, entertainingly poor acting, humorous moments in the audience due to boredom. You will find funny ways to distract yourself and this is the fun in seeing a bad movie. Depressingly Bad (DB): This is the movie where you find yourself so horrified that you wasted time and money that you do contemplate suicide, if only you could bash your head against the back of the chair a little harder. Other random ratings... Fucked Up (FU): I just can't understand this movie. Sometimes I think I hate it, and then I find myself thinking about it later. I'm pretty sure this category was made specifically for Napoleon Dynamite. Orgasmic (O): Porn films.

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