Middletown—Earlier this week National Liar got wind that MHSN's own Social Justice Committee recently took part in a hate–charged night of sex, drugs, and destruction—well, not so much sex and drugs, but definitely destruction!

National Liar corespondent and adopted son of the NL staff, Aluicious Higginsworth, was out with his girlfriend at a local homeless shelter handing out food and gifts to the less fortunate. When young Aluicious and his friend left the shelter, a gang of ethnically diverse high school students and an unidentifiable middle-aged schoolteacher proceeded to kick Aluicious’s ass like it was going out of style.

When Aluicious finally got to us, he was pretty beat up and covered in assorted Social Justice Committee flyers and a myriad of anti-prejudice pins and stickers. "If it weren't for my Jewish-Hispanic-Icelandic-Indonesian-Armenian-African-American descent, this would’ve never happened,” weeped young Higginsworth.
NL went to the SJC (initials make us sound important) for some answers.

We agreed to meet in an undisclosed location deep in the heart of High School North, and there we came face to face with the leader, who wore a camouflaged bandanna over his face to conceal his identity and spoke through a toilet paper roll to disguise his voice.

He had only this to say: “Perhaps we were misleading when we named ourselves the ‘Social Justice Committee.’ I guess it would’ve been slightly more accurate to name ourselves the ‘Fuck You If You Don't Look, Act, and Think Exactly Like We Do Committee.’” He added, “Our bad.”

After the interview they beat this reporter up—very badly, in fact.

However, I can't find it in me to get mad at a group of ethnically diverse people who are doing so much for their community, even,if they do hate us and plan to kick our asses…every last one of us…

…including you...

…especially you.