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Short Jokes
1) Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
Student: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day same time."
2) Teacher: Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil: The moon.
Teacher: Why?
Pupil: The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in
the daytime when we don't need it.
3) Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer
interested?
Pupil: A teacher.
4) Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colures do you have?
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
6) Pupil: Did you know that the most intelligent person on earth is going deaf?
Teacher: Really. Who is it?
Pupil: Pardon, I don’t understand.
7) Friend: How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
Friend2: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.
8) Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue
would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.
9) Teacher: Now, you tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Pupil: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
10) Patient: What are the chances of my recovery doctor?
Doctor: One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the
disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died.
11) Teacher: "Hello boys, Remember!!! Nothing is impossible."
Student: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste and put it back into the tube
again."
12) Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else.
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
~For
those tired of the usual "friend" poems~
For those
tired of the usual "friend"
poems............inject
a touch of reality.
When you
are sad,.............I will get
you drunk
and help you plot revenge
against
the scum sucking bastard who
made you
sad.
When you
are blue,..........I'll try
to
dislodge whatever's choking you.
When you
smile,............I'll know
you
finally got laid.
When you
are scared,.........I will rag
you about
it every chance I get.
When you
are worried,.........I will
tell you
horrible stories about how
much worse
it could be and to quit whining.
When you
are confused,........ I will use
little
words to explain it to your dumb ass.
When you
are sick.........stay the hell
away from
me until you're well again, I
don't want
whatever you have.
When you
fall.........I will point and
laugh at
your clumsy ass.
This is my
oath..........I pledge till the end.
Why
you may ask?.........Because you're my friend.
Odd
English
We
fared pretty fair at the fair
The
bandage was wound around the wound.
There
was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They
were too close to the door to close it.
The
buck does funny things when the does are present.
We
must polish the Polish furniture
He
could lead if he got the lead out.
The
farm was used to produce produce.
The
dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
The
soldier decided to desert in the desert.
The
present is a good time to present the present.
A
bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
The
dove dove into the bushes.
I
did not object to the object.
Hey,
who actually
President
Bush
is;
George
Walker,
the
Texas
Ranger?
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