~For those tired of the usual "friend" poems~

For those tired of the usual "friend"

poems............inject a touch of reality.

When you are sad,.............I will get

you drunk and help you plot revenge

against the scum sucking bastard who

made you sad.

When you are blue,..........I'll try

to dislodge whatever's choking you.

When you smile,............I'll know

you finally got laid.

When you are scared,.........I will rag

you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried,.........I will

tell you horrible stories about how

much worse it could be and to quit whining.

When you are confused,........ I will use

little words to explain it to your dumb ass.

When you are sick.........stay the hell

away from me until you're well again, I

don't want whatever you have.

When you fall.........I will point and

laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath..........I pledge till the end.

Odd English

We fared pretty fair at the fair

The bandage was wound around the wound.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They  were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

We must polish the Polish furniture

He could lead if he got the lead out.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

The soldier decided to desert in the desert.

The present is a good time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

The dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

"Trouble remembering things..." - Rated G



 An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so
 they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure
 nothing was wrong with them.

 When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about
 the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the
 couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but
 might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them
 remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

 Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and
 his wife asked, "Where are you going?"

 He replied, "To the kitchen."

 She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

 He replied, "Sure."

 She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you
 can remember it?"

 He said, "No, I can remember that."

 She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You
 had better write that down because I know you'll forget that."

 He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with
 strawberries."

 She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you
 will forget that so you better write it down."

 With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that
 down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.

 After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a
 plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and
 said angrily:

 "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"

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