The Trojan Camp. Hector, Poydamas, Paris, Aeneas, and Dolon are present.

Hector: I officially call this high council meeting to order. Paris, please call the roll.

Paris: Hector.

Hector Yes, obviously!

Paris: Hey-hey, I'm here too! Polydamas.

Polydamas: Needless to say, I am also present.

Paris: Aeneas.

Aeneas: Here, Paris.

Paris: Dolon...

Dolon: (With a sneer) What's it to you?

Paris: We're all present and accounted for, Hector.

Hector: Good. Aeneas will now explain the situation.

Aeneas: We've arrived at a crucial moment. Dolon, chief of espionage, has informed me that--

Dolon: Hey! What is this? Are you putting words in my mouth? Enough of this. I'm not getting into any trouble. I mean, maybe I was out of line, but a mortal's got to do what a mortal's got to do. I'm sorry and all, okay? Is that what you all want me to say? Well, I've cracked! I'm sorry, you power-hungry, bloodthirsty, disease-ridden mongrels! Ease up on a man!

Aeneas: I'm just going to tell them about your findings with Achilles, Dolon. I already told you that you're forgiven for insulting my mother.

Polydamas: For insulting whom? Dolon! If we're to keep morale up, we can't have the soldiery mocking our deities.

Paris: Especially not Aphrodite.

Dolon: Oh, hey; well I mean I was just saying that I should be allowed to make my own report, don't you know. Didn't say nothing about Mrs Cosmetics up there. Down there. Whatever.

Hector: Are we through? Aeneas, please continue.

Aeneas: Thank you. The point is that the Greeks are in disorder; Agamemnon's facing the mutiny of one of his factions, Achilles' Myrmidons. I'm not too clear on how it started, but the result is that Achilles is off the field. This means that Hector is now the uncontested best fighter on either side. If we press our advantage now, I think we could drive these Greeks from our homeland. Our best chance is to make for the fleet and set fire to it. With their ships burning, the Greeks will be disheartened; it will also cut off their escape route.

Paris: Wow!

Dolon: Oh, I don't know about that.

Hector: Dolon? You disagree?

Dolon: Yeah. It seems like a pretty good idea, right? But what if -- and I'm just saying -- what IF some Greek bloke was there, and he grabs an oar, see? And he paddles our troops around with this ten-foot oar! Then what would we do? Nobody could touch him! I mean, just... untouchable. Whew.

Aeneas: ...Yes, I could see that such an event would be... problematic, but it's not too likely. It's certainly a risk worth taking, when all's said and done.

Hector: I agree. Let's move to a vote. Paris, give me your helmet.

Paris: It's-- it's missing.

Hector: Dolon, give me that! Alright. Cast your stones in mine for yes, Paris' for no.

Paris: Wait! What if we can't find a stone?

Hector: I gave you one at the start of the meeting.

Paris: But what if you missed one of us?

Hector: Did you lose it?

Paris: No, it's right here. But what if I had?

Polydamas: You could just reach down and take another one.

Paris: Well, say we were inside.

Dolon: Hey, want me to pop this guy for you? No mess, no nothing. Just one day, he goes missing, that's all.

Aeneas is staggered. He gestures helplessly, at a genuine loss for words.

Aeneas: An... an ox is standing on my tongue...

Paris: No way! Open your mouth!

Hector: Alright, that's enough. Cast your stones!

They do so.

Hector: The vote is in favour of attacking.

A frustrated murmur.

Hector: Well, if you're disappointed, then next time throw your stones IN the bloody HELMET! I told you, didn't I?

Aeneas: I'll go ready the troops. The air in here is making my head spin.

The meeting adjourns, and the Trojans go their separate ways, revealing Patroclus, Odysseus, and Diomedes in hiding.

Diomedes: Did you see that?

Odysseus: Amazing! The Trojans must be using a leaden plumbing system.

Patroclus: They're our mirror images.

Diomedes: What? How?

Patroclus: They have equivalent yet opposite men. Didn't you see? Their Polydamas is like Nestor, only sensible. Instead of Odysseus, they have someone truly witless -- Paris. Can't you see? There's more.

Diomedes: We can talk later. Right now, we've got to get back to camp before the sentries find us. Personally, I don't want to fight Hector just yet.

Exeunt.